Ownership
The fantasy of having someone at your beck and call, someone to order about at your whim, someone who will serve you sexually non-stop, is a fun one. The realities of being an Owner are rewarding, and they can be fun, but it is also a lot of work. Carefully consider before you leap.
Are you prepared to make sure this person is cared for? Are you willing to take the time, and spend the money, to get them included in your will? How about the legal paperwork to have yourself declared a health care agent for them, so that if anything should happen you can make decisions for their well being? The paperwork so that you can take care of their financial concerns should something happen? What about their retirement fund? If they’re going to be your live-in slave without an outside source of income, what sort of money are you putting into a retirement fund for them? Health insurance? Bored already? Then being an Owner isn’t for you.Do you want to order your slave to wear a special uniform? Perhaps you enjoy a formal maid’s outfit. Be prepared to shell out the bucks if you want them to be in your home all the time. Remember, they don’t have an outside source of income. If they do have a job, the reality is, they need to hold down this job. If you want them to have this income, it becomes your job to make sure they are available to work the job. This includes making sure the tasks you have assigned are not such a burden that they cannot perform well on their job. Suddenly, with this option, they aren’t really available to you at any time. But it’s practical for financial reasons, and often for the outside stimulation the slave may need to keep them emotionally healthy.
Do you have the patience when your slave makes mistakes? Making mistakes is a part of life. It shows the slave is trying. Or, sometimes, it shows the slave is testing. Do you have the insight to know which is which? Do you have the patience to be consistent? A slave thrives on consistency. If doing X got a finger shake last time, and you said "next time you’ll get a spanking," and X happens again, the spanking must commence. Owners don’t threaten. They do. Do you have the self-awareness to know when the slave is doing X just to get that very reaction out of you? Can you determine when you’re being "played?" And how are you going to handle it? Important to know, because how you handle it will either maintain, or crack, the power structure. In my opinion, once damaged, it is almost impossible to re-establish a power structure within a relationship.
Can you stay calm enough to discuss problems without getting emotional? You’re in charge. You have to be able to tell the slave what’s wrong, and what steps are going to be taken to correct the problem. You also have to be centered enough to deliver unhappy news without getting overly emotional yourself. Your slave has been looking forward to event Y, and for whatever reason, that’s not going to happen. Ok, you’re human, and you may have guilt. But it doesn’t change the fact event Y won’t happen. It’s your job to tell the slave. Don’t leave them guessing. And don’t let it go unsaid. You have to give the bad news.
Do you like to make the decisions? How many of them? How independent do you want your slave to be? Just independent enough to do the grocery shopping? Independent enough to rearrange furniture? What’s expected, what’s forbidden, and if you don’t know how should your slave know? Taking care of your errands requires that your slave has money. Access to your money is a vulnerable thing. How much do you trust them? How valuable are you willing to allow them to be? They cannot be valuable to you if you do all the critical things yourself. Part of allowing them to be valuable is giving them room to HELP you. That means choosing what you’re going to let go of. That also means when they need a time-critical answer, you give it to them. You don’t have permission to be upset if something goes undone and you never made a decision. Remember, you’re the one who established they needed to ask you in the first place.
Slaves are super-eager to please. Can you tell when your slave is getting sick? Maybe even before they realize? Can you tell when they should be sent to bed early? It is the slave’s job to come to you with such things, yes. But often, if you’re watching, you can tell before they have even pinpointed what is wrong. Just as observation is a critical skill for them, so is it a critical skill for you.
Are you willing to take the steps necessary to make your slave more valuable? Figure out what will make that slave more valuable to you, then make it happen. Even if this means telling the slave "find out when the next class on creative writing is, and sign yourself up." Be prepared to pay for, or strongly subsidize, those skills that will make your slave more valuable to your household. Yet, at the end of their time with you, they walk away with those skills. Are you noticing that this isn’t all fun?
Take the time to tell the slave when they’ve done well. You don’t have to compliment them on the dishes every day. But once in a while, noticing that the kitchen is well kept would be nice. You also have to take the time to tell the slave when they’ve done poorly. You need to be able to explain it clearly, with specific examples. "You didn’t clean well enough" is not appropriate. "I expect the computer monitors to be cleaned once a week," is. Because you were raised to wash the windows once a quarter doesn’t mean your slave was. If you expect it, say so. Then it becomes their job to keep track of when it’s due.
Owning a slave is rewarding. You get to help guide them. You get to have a clean house, errands that are run, and your time is freed up in so many ways for the other things in life. That’s great. I’m confident you’ve already thought of all the bonuses. This is an effort to offer up a viewpoint of the daily realities. The biggest reason an Owner/slave relationship ends is because it turns into equal/equal. If that happens, and suddenly your slave is more your romantic partner than your slave, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge it. Decide what needs to change for this new exciting phase of your relationship.
Can you say no? If you begin to feel beholden to your slave, then the slave is in charge. There is no leeway here. If your slave wants a huge play scene (and slaves always do, and twice on Wednesday thank you) and you do it because you "should," you’ve done a world of damage. Providing for the slave’s "needs" is a must. It’s up to them to determine what they can, and cannot, live without. That’s not your job. Your job is being HONEST about what you can, and can’t, provide. Are you willing to watch a slave leave your household because they feel "Z" is a need, and you’re unwilling to provide "Z?" Or are you going to try to convince yourself maybe you really want Z? The instant you let yourself become beholden to a slave, the power structure is altered. You need to steer clear of the emotional games so many relationships include. You need to be clear with yourself, and your slave, what you are willing and unwilling to provide. Everyone deserves to make an informed decision. This includes your slave. And, painfully, very few things last forever. This means you get to be supportive, and gracious, when a slave has outgrown what you have to offer. Can you be that in the midst of the parting of the ways? Because no matter how amicable, goodbyes hurt. Or do you need to twist the knife and try to play the guilt game because they’re no longer getting their needs met with you?
And one last thought…
The person in the relationship who holds the power is the person who has the least to lose. Follow that to the logical conclusion, and this is the person who can walk away if the relationship is no longer emotionally healthy for everyone involved.
Is that you ?
©D/s Seekers