Safe
Sane and Consensual
There are 3 fundamentals that clearly separates a BDSM relationship from an abusive relationship.(1) First, mutual CONSENT is an absolute ... the submissive (bottom) must fully consent to receive and serve while the dominant (top) must fully consent to give and be served. This doesn't preclude the submissive begging for activities to cease nor trying to "dissuade" the Dominant with protestions of "no, I don't want to" as these types of interchanges are an integral part of many BDSM and specifically D/s relationships. This is why the use of safewords is a necessity in fetish play ... both partners understand and accept that the use of the safeword really does mean NO / STOP NOW! and must always be prepared to stop immediately.
(2) Second, the dominant must fully understand that the submissive's safety is fully in his/her hands at certain times and must be RESPONSIBLE enough to maintain control of himself or herself. This means that the dominant must always avoid indulging in alcohol or drugs which can diminish their ability to use SANE judgement. If the dominant is not able to do this, then scening should not be allowed by the submissive. In addition, scening should never occur when the dominant is truly angry as this can lead to true harm to the submissive should that anger flow into actions.
(3) Third, SAFETY is paramount ... the dominant must always be checking the submissive to ensure that they are okay and in no real danger. New dominants should never attempt complex scenes without first attending workshops to learn the skills necessary to safely conduct a scene. Of course, there are common sense things that any SANE individual would avoid ... for example, suspension outside the 14th floor of a hi-rise would be just plain dumb. So, try to use some common sense when you are contemplating scenes.
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