The
Concepts of BDSM
Understanding about some elementary concepts of erotic power exchange is safety tip Number 1. If you understand negotiation, safewords and the difference between inequality and inequavalence you have taken the first steps on the safety ladder.Concept 1:Common sense
The first "concept" is common sense. It may sound weird, but unfortunately some people enter into erotic power exchange and sometimes seem to forget they have it. Common sense will answer most of your questions on safety. A scene may be heavy and sweep your feet of the ground. Still, although you may lose your head, don't lose your brain in the process.
Concept 2:Negotiation
Probably the most important concept in erotic power exchange is the concept of negotiation. Partners negotiate about their fantasies, feelings, needs, dreams, barriers and hidden desires. This is not the "if-I-give-this-I-get-that" type of negotiation. The objective is to exchange your feelings, barriers and fantasies in an open and honest way. Partners try to establish where they meet, how much common ground they can cover and what are absolute "no go" areas. In fact there is no other relationship that requires this much communication. You talk about what you feel and what you experience before, after and in between scenes. The only time you don't do it is during a scene.
Negotiated/communicated barriers should be respected at all times. You may have doubts about whether a "DO" indeed is a do, you never question a "DON'T." From a safety point of view: communication and negotiation prior to a scene will make sure you both understand what it is you want before you get into anything.
Concept 3: Shared and equal responsibility
Within a scene or even within a BDSM-relationship partners may choose to be unequal to each other, based on a free will and choice. This does not mean there is inequality of responsibility between the partners.
Both partners, dominant as well as submissive, share an equal responsibility towards themselves and each other. This also applies to safety matters. Mis- or non-communication, withholding valuable information, not telling each other about any aspect of a scene or relationship may lead to mishap. Even if you are not happy with a situation; tell your partner about it. And, don't put all the responsibility on the Dom's shoulders.
Concept 4: Safewords
A safeword is your emergency break when "in scene." Safewords can be used by Doms and subs at any moment anything gets too tough, too scary, just annoying or for whatever other reason. Since standard words like "stop" or "no" in a steamy erotic scene may have a different meaning, in a BDSM-scene safewords will usually be words or expressions that do not fit into an erotic scene. Words like "ship" or "elephant" for example.
Many people usually use two safewords. One meaning "slow down" or "time out" and another meaning "full stop immediately." Very sophisticated people use the colours of a traffic light: "green" for "please go on," "yellow" for "slow down, and "red" for "full stop". It doesn't matter what system you use. Anything that works for you is just fine, as long as both partners are aware of it.
Not everyone uses safewords; people who know each other well enough usually don't need them anymore. Others - this is called "edge-play" - do not want to have a way out. If you are a novice - and especially when playing with someone you know don't very well - establishing and using safewords is advised. Safewords, like barriers, should be respected at all times.
Other systems - used for example when gags are in play - are giving the submissive a bell to ring or a ball to drop as a safety signal, or - if nothing else works - humming SOS in morse code (hum ... hum ... hum ..... hhuuuummm .... hhuuuummm .... hhuuuummm .... hum ... hum ... hum).
Concept 5: The freedom of choice
From a safety point of view, erotic power exchange is based on mutual agreement to whatever it is you would like to do. If one of the partners, for whatever reason, feels that he or she should not get into something, DON'T DO IT. Even if somebody else tells you it is perfectly safe, even if others do what does not feel good to you or does not appeal to you. You are the master of your own fantasies and best equipped to judge about your feelings and emotions and there is no difference between being of a dominant or submissive nature in this area.