The
Gift of Submission: bah humbug!
Beware this gift. It usually comes from a self-proclaimed slave, who dangles kink like a shining trinket over some poor dominant's head. The intent is clear. You can have it, if you give back what they want. This gift is usually accompanied by a laundry list of specifications of how, when and where they will submit.
This dynamic certainly isn't slavery. It isn't even submission. This exchange is a bottom negotiating, under false pretenses, how their pleasures will be indulged and given.
Is there anything wrong with bottoming? Of course not. Many wonderful folks are very happy scening as bottoms. But the key is being honest about your needs. Don't call yourself submissive when your BDSM play has nothing to do with submission. Indulging in BDSM flavored kinky sex or getting flogged to your exact specifications can have precious little to do with power exchange, which is the heart of D/s (dominance and submission).
Given this manipulative approach to D/s, you can understand why some insist that submissives are the ones in charge and that the dominant's control is an illusion. In the example described about, that sentiment would certainly be true.
Online once, I mentioned planning to meet a dominant, to see if we clicked, in hopes of scening. The purpose not for love-ever-after, just for BDSM play. I got torpedoed out of the water for such effrontery and not following the party line on submission being a gift.
"Oh, I could never give myself to someone who doesn't love, respect and care about me. Someone who doesn't want to take care of me forever, solve my problems, give me roses every week, is always romantic, never demanding and who wants to marry me too. To this man, I'll give my submission," said one "slave."When I pointed out that she wasn't talking about submission, but fulfilling perceived vanilla needs, a flurry of indignant messages followed my post.
For authentic submissives and lifestyle slaves, submission is a real and compelling need. So compelling, they can't not give. Once trust in their dominant is established, everything is gradually given: body, mind and soul. The power exchange flows, one yielding and the other taking. The pleasure the submissive or slave receives is first and foremost from the giving. Their delight is in being used and taken as their master wishes.
I felt a tremendous relief when I could reveal the depth and breath of my submissive needs. That Master has embraced them all and even demanded more is my ongoing gift from him. There are no strings dangling from my submission. And the debate is still on concerning which came first: my giving or his taking.
So beware those tawdry "gifts of submission." Real submission is a need offered freely to one who truly needs to take.
author: kharita
Reprinted with permission© D/s Seekers