The
Three R's
So often the complexities of life in general require that we focus upon narrow, limited portions of it at any given time. It's necessary to do so in order to fully explore and understand those specific areas with any degree of comprehension.
Various aspects of the D/s lifestyle are also discussed in this nature. Specific topics in conversations and threads that aid in the understanding of certain concepts. Yet, none of those topics stands alone in life. There is an interdependence in which topic A is in some way affected by, and in turn affects, topics B, C & D. Neither life, nor D/s relationships, are so compartmentalized that each concept is fully insulated from the influences of other, equally compelling, realities. And while it's necessary to explore those concepts individually, it's also necessary on occasion to have a broader perspective. To discuss and understand their interdependence and relationship to one another.
There are many interesting and personally valid expressions of the "rights" of submissives in articles, posts, threads, chatroom and munch discussions. I've written about them myself. It seems sad to think that we have to reaffirm the rights of any individual to be their own selves, and acknowledge their rights as human beings. Yet, the stereotype of a D/s relationship often requires just that for those newly exploring the lifestyle in a genuine way, as opposed to informed and consensual fantasy role play.
I'm not aware of anyone (genuine) that would deny the existence of the basic human rights to self-determination and freedom from oppression to an uncollared submissive, simply based upon the fact that they are submissive. That's the old "I'm Dominant and every submissive shall be submissive to me" kind of fantasy that the lifestyle generally finds abhorrent. It's the attempt to impose a nonconsensual relationship upon every submissive.
And yet, the nature and scope of those basic human rights do change when a submissive consensually enters into a D/s relationship. Point in fact; there are no rights without responsibilities. As individuals prior to a consensual relationship, our responsibilities are to ourselves. And our rights as human beings are also our own. But a consensual D/s relationship changes those dynamics. In a consensual D/s relationship, the rights we enjoy as human beings are tempered by the responsibilities we now have to someone else, Dominant or submissive.
It's another widely accepted concept that all D/s relationships are unique, and reflect the personal needs and wants of the individuals involved. The rights a submissive may have enjoyed prior to consenting to that relationship can and do change significantly. Hence, the interdependent nature of rights and responsibilities, both influencing and affecting the other.
Upon the formation of a D/s relationship, both Dominant and submissive accept certain responsibilities within the relationship, and to each other. And just as each relationship is different and unique, the responsibilities that are a part of those relationships will be different and unique as well. Many of those responsibilities will change the very nature and existence of the rights of each participant within that relationship. Hence, rights are not static, unchanging tablets of stone. They are fluid and evolutionary concepts that are affected by, and in turn influence, the personal responsibilities of the individuals within the relationship.
The most obvious way that rights influence responsibilities is in the nature of consent. Everyone has the right to consent, or not consent, to a relationship with a specific individual. Everyone has the right to consent, or not consent, to the scope and nature of that relationship. And everyone has the right to consent, or not consent, to the responsibilities within that unique relationship. Those are universal rights enjoyed by Dominants, submissives, slaves, vanillas, etc.
But upon entering into a D/s relationship, certain rights will most assuredly change. A submissive/slave may consensually agree to give up the right to self-determination. They may consent to renouncing the right to express their opinion, their right to say "no", or any other right that, through negotiation, they wish to surrender to their Dominant. I would personally embrace the proposition that the one right no submissive/slave can (figuratively or literally) forsake is the right to leave a relationship that they find ungratifying, unfulfilling, abusive, or for any other reason might cause them to revoke their continued consensual participation. That's the ultimate right to say "no". Sure, there are some that cling to a storybook and romanticized version of the lifestyle in which a slave cannot unilaterally leave a relationship. But common sense tells us (or at least me) that such a notion is completely unrealistic in practice.
Thus, the dynamic of consensual lifestyle relationships can be viewed as the negotiation of each participant's rights and responsibilities. Both to the relationship in general, and the individuals involved in it. The very definition of a D/s relationship can be viewed as the acceptance of those responsibilities to each other, and the consensual relinquishment of some or all of our basic human rights (with the one exception as previously noted).
In summation, we as a lifestyle community often tend to focus upon each of the three R's; rights, responsibilities and relationship, as individual concepts rather than interdependent components of something larger. I've noticed that many of the divergent views of these components is precisely because one individual may see them from the point of view of individuals outside of a D/s relationship, and another from the perspective of individuals within a D/s relationship. I've fallen into this trap many times myself. Truth is, both views are expressions of the perception that rights and responsibilities are static and unchanging. And while both may be accurate snapshots of rights and responsibilities at any specific point in time, they fail to accurately reflect their fluid and changing nature on either side of the line that establishes a consensual D/s relationship.
Rover
Copyright 2002