Encyclopaedia
of BDSM Terms
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z-----------------------------------------------------
Abrasion. Gentle stimulation of the skin using the hands, feathers, sandpaper, etc.
Abrasion scene. A scene in which abrasion, applied over a long period, overloads the nervous system to produces a high.
Active. A person who does something, e.g. French active is a person who gives a blow job. Used in advertisements.
A-frame = Triangle
Age play. Fantasy play in which one, or sometimes both take role in which the play age is very different to the actual age. The commonest roles for the Bottom are infant, schoolchild and adolescent and for Top are parent and schoolmaster or mistress.
AIDS. Acquired immune deficiency syndrome, a disease that has killed many gay and bisexual men and is now becoming more frequent among women and people who practice straight sex. Because HIV, the virus causing AIDS, is mainly transmitted by anal and vaginal sex (and by sharing hypodermic needles) many people have started investigating alternative ways of achieving sexual and spiritual satisfaction. Among these is BDSM. There are no proven cases of HIV being transmitted by BDSM activities nevertheless it is sensible to take suitable precautions to avoid cross-contamination with blood or lymph fluids. See also HIV positive.
Alcohol. Alcoholic drinks are sometimes taken before or during BDSM scenes or more rarely used as an enema. Warning: BDSM after absorbing alcohol is very dangerous especially if a gag or other mouth covering is used. This is because the reflex action, which prevents vomit entering the lungs, is suppressed by alcohol, as it is by some drugs. Alcohol as an enema is absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly and there is then the additional danger of alcohol poisoning. Alcohol should not be taken immediately after a heavy scene since it tends to increase the effect of shock. Surgical spirit and rubbing alcohol are not for consumption, but may assist in cleaning.
Algolagnia. The technical term for obtaining sexual pleasure from pain. Occasionally used as a synonym for sexual BDSM that involves pain.
Allergy. People may be allergic to a variety of substances, including latex and certain metals. It is wise to check for allergies before starting a scene or before using unusual substances e.g. in Chemical play.
Altered state. A state of mind, sometimes attained during BDSM, in which the world seems changed. It may include feeling of calm and peace, feeling that the normal world is enhanced or does not exist and it may reach the level that has been called ecstasy. See Lifting.
Amyl = Poppers.
Amazon = Mistress.
Anal play = Arse play.
Aqueous Cream BP. A cheap cream obtainable from the chemist that is especially useful for Fist Fucking.
Arab strap. A strap that goes round the cock and the balls and also separates the balls. Arm-band. An ornament for the upper arm in rubber, metal or leather, sometimes studded, which may form part of BDSM clothing. Sometimes when on the left arm it indicates a Top and on the right a Bottom.
Armpit. The armpit like the tits, cock and balls is an area susceptible to pleasurable stimulation and may be tickled, licked, fucked or otherwise stimulated.
Army scene. A scene based on army life. It may involve physical training, humiliation, ceremonial punishment or mock fighting.
Arse. The buttocks or sometimes the arsehole. The buttocks are based on one of the body's most powerful muscles, the gluteus maximus. For that reason, as well as for obscure psychological reasons, they are a preferred site for beating. Arse balls. Balls up to about 5cm in diameter, spaced along a cord, for insertion into the arsehole. Arse-fucking. Having sex by inserting the cock into the arsehole. Warning: a suitable (i.e. extra strong) condom must always be worn in order to avoid the risk of transmission of the AIDS virus. Never allow an oil-based lubricant (e.g. Crisco or Vaseline) near a condom, it will cause it to fail. Always assume that your partner is HIV positive. Arsehole. The anus, an erogenous zone. Arsehole torture. Although the term is rarely used, stimulation of the Arsehole is a not uncommon BDSM procedure. Methods include the application of electricity, heat, cold, hot lubricant, as well as dilation using dildos, the hand, etc. Arse play. Any play involving the arse especially that using dildos, etc. Arse spreader = Speculum.
Art. BDSM representational art can depict any of the vast range of BDSM activities and grades imperceptibly into traditional and popular art. Among the easily recognised genres are bondage art, torture art and art depicting or implying domination and submission (including fetish art). Bondage art is clearly separated into the Western style and the Japanese style.
Ash. The ash of a cigar, but not of a cigarette, may be dropped on a person during temperature play.
Asphyxiation play = Breath control.
Auction. 1. Slaves or, less commonly, Masters or Mistresses may be auctioned for charity. The person auctioned usually specifies their preferences and their limits. All activity is still negotiated and only with full consent. 2. An auction may be a BDSM party game. At this the same amount of play money is given to all players. People wishing to be auctioned specify their skills and desires. Bidding is for first rights to negotiate. The person bought, if play follows after negotiation, gets the play money and can then bid at the next round. Warning: care must be taken to ensure that no slaves are left without being bought. This may mean that the auctioneer may have to discretely buy some slaves "for the house."
Baby oil. Baby (or other oil) is often used as a body cosmetic or as a lubricant for massage or sex. Warning: baby oil is unsuitable for use with a condom.
Baby-scene. A fantasy scene in which one or more of the participants takes the role of a baby. See also Age play.
Backlash. Negative feelings that may arise hours or days after a successful BDSM scene. See also Top drop.
Ball (Balls). In plural the testicles and often the testicles and scrotum. The testicles are sensitive to pressure or impact, reacting with a deep ache. Warning: the testicles can be damaged by either impact, crushing or by being pulled downwards. Ball & cock ring. A ring of rubber, leather or metal which encircles the cock and ball-bag. Various sizes are available. It may also be pinpricked. Ball-bag. 1. A bag, sometimes weighted, used to hold the balls. 2. The scrotum, a sensitive area sometimes the target of punishment. Warning: because of its proximity to the balls care must be taken not to damage the balls. It has been reported that the use of irritants, such as iodine solution, on the ball-bag may cause cancer. Ball crusher. A device, usually like a screw press, to compress the balls. Ball divider. A double strap, usually of leather, one part of which goes round the ball-bag with a second strap to separate the balls. Ball gag. See Gag. Ball harness. A harness, usually of leather but sometimes of cord, to fit round the ball-bag above the balls usually designed to carry a weight. Ball press = Ball crusher. Ball separator = Ball divider. Ball stocks. A piece of equipment to hold the balls. The common form consists of two metal or wooden rods about 30cm long, which can be brought together by means of two long bolts with wing nuts. Sometimes a third bar is added to turn the equipment into a ball crusher. Ball strapping. Binding the ball-bag so as to compress the balls. Ball stretcher. A piece of equipment, often carrying a weight, designed to pull the balls downward. Warning: the balls can easily be damaged by a sudden blow or pull. Ball torture. Application of pain to the ball-bag and/or balls. See Cock & ball torture. Ball weight. A weight attached to a ball divider or parachute. Warning: the balls can easily be damaged by a sudden blow or pull. Ball whip = Cock whip.
B & D. Bondage and discipline [or domination]. A subdivision of BDSM, sometimes used as a synonym but may exclude sexual activity in the narrow sense. B & Der. A person involved in B & D.
Ballooning. A procedure by which the ball-bag is filled with normal saline solution. It is said not to be painful. Warning: possibility of introducing infection.
Bandage. Bandages of cloth or rubber may be used for bondage or mummification.
Bandanna. A handkerchief. See Handkerchief code.
Barebottom. With the arse uncovered.
Bastinado. A punishment in which a large number of light blows are given with a light cane either to the arse (as in the old Chinese tradition) or to the soles of the feet (as in the Middle Eastern tradition). In BDSM blows may be given to the tits and a crop or cat may be used. The essential is the number of blows rather than the force of the blows. It is a type of abrasion and can produce a high. Sometimes the word is used for any caning on the soles of the feet. See Caning. Warning: the Bastinado can produce extreme pain and mental stress.
B/D. See B & D.
BDSM. A term which covers activities between consenting, caring partners which involve the giving and receiving of pleasure by playing the roles of dominant and/or submissive possibly with the involvement of one or more of: stimulation, pain or bondage. Some previously published definitions and partial definitions of BDSM are given separately in Definition of BDSM.
Beads = Thai beads.
Bear. A hairy masculine man, often fat, who may be a BDSMer. A related term is Chubby, which implies a fat person but has no BDSM or sexual implication.
Beating. The general term for hitting a person with an implement. Regardless of the instrument used the Top should, at the least, display the following skills.
Belt. 1. A strap of rubber or leather for use in whipping. The term is often used to include both the strap and the tawse. 2. A waist belt of rubber, leather or canvass for use in bondage. See also Transport belt. Belting. Whipping with a belt, strap or tawse. When using an actual belt it is commonly doubled in order to produce a satisfying sound with minimal pain. Warning: care must be taken that the edges of a belt are not sharp in order to avoid cutting.
Bilboes. Leg irons that slide on a bar, which may be attached to the ground. Sometimes wrist irons are also included.
Binding. A term sometimes uses for binding major muscles, or even the whole body, with thin rope or cord, usually using crisscross patterns. The aim is not to restrict movement but to give stimulation and the binding should be done in such a way as to cause discomfort without interfering with deep blood circulation. It may also be done, with greater risk, round the big toes or the thumbs. This latter is said to be particularly erotic. It is easiest to tighten the cord if slipknots are used and the cord wrapped several times round the limb. Warning: care should be taken to check at regular intervals for changes in skin temperature or colour in the area away from the heart to ensure that the blood supply has not been stopped. For toes or fingers the binding should be released every ten minutes.
Birch = Birch rod. Birch rod. A bundle of twigs used for whipping sometimes poetically called the wand of Venus. Birches are of two types: the spray type (or Eton birch) and the straight type (rod, punishment or judicial birch). The spray birch, which consists of a number of branches and twigs spreading at the end may be made from silver birch (Betula pendula) or the downy birch (Betula pubescens) or, in North America, paper birch. The straight birch is formed from straight branches, usually from willow or apple, stripped of twigs and leaves. The branches are arranged to curve inwards and spread before impact.
Bitch = Mistress.
Biting. A common activity among in straight and gay sex that is seldom recognised as gentle BDSM. It is mentioned in the Kama Sutra of Vatsyayana (2c BCE). Gentle biting of the tits is common in BDSM sex.
Black. In the handkerchief code indicates giving or taking pain, usually from beating. See Handkerchief code.
Black lightning. A black fibreglass or resin cane.
Blackroom = Playroom.
Blacksnake. One of the shorter of the single thong plaited leather whips. It is very flexible and can be rolled up to keep in the pocket. See also Bullwhip, Signal whip, Stockwhip, Target whip.Bleeding. Most bleeding may be stopped by steady pressure from the hand or a sterile pad. In more serious cases it may be necessary to press on a pressure point. A tourniquet should not be used except for the most serious bleeding.
Blindfold. Blindfolds may be made in a variety of materials and include an inflatable model in rubber. Warning: a tight blindfold may damage the eyes. Care is needed if the person wears contact lenses. Alternatives include cotton wool behind either industrial glasses or a mask, and blacked-out industrial glasses. Blindfolding. Use of a Blindfold is common in many BDSM scenes especially those involving sense deprivation or head trips. In general the use of a blindfold increases the intensity of any scene which involves minor pain, e.g. a hot wax scene. It may also be used in a variety of games. See Game playing. After the blindfold is removed some people retain a feeling of disorientation for a while. Warning: some people have a blindfold phobia. See Head trip.
Blister. To beat the arse until the area is red and hot to the touch.
Blood play. Any activity in which blood is deliberately spilt. It may involve whipping, cutting, piercing or even some types of abrasion e.g. with sandpaper. Warning: blood play can cause the transmission of hepatitis and possibly the HIV virus. Before any blood play the skin and all equipment should be as clean as possible (see Cleaning) and suitable gloves should be worn.
Blood sports = Blood play.
Blowing. Blowing air into body cavities other than the lungs is sometimes reported. Warning: air in the rectum will cause intestinal cramp, and in excessive quantities has been known to kill. Air in the bladder can carry disease.
Blow job. To give a blow job is to masturbate a partner using the mouth, tongue and possibly throat. Often required of a slave during a Master or Mistress & slave scene. See also Deep throating. Warning: there is evidence that there is a risk of transmission of the HIV virus.
Blue. See Safe word and also Handkerchief code.
Body bag. A heavy rectangular bag, usually of canvas or leather, used to contain and restrict a person. It may have straps to tighten about the body. See also Sleep sack. Warning: heat stroke may occur if the room is hot or the Bottom struggles. Care is needed not to restrict chest movement and thus breathing.
Body building. A common activity among BDSMers. The basic aim is the pleasing and symmetrical development of the main body muscles. Effective body building usually requires the use of weights or equipment two or three times a week. Although BDSM is not confined to those with attractive bodies many BDSMers feel that a well developed fit body is an advantage. There are also a number of activities that require a certain degree of muscle development. For example where beating is involved it is an advantage for the Bottom to have reasonably developed muscles in the target area. Warning: body building should be learnt from a qualified instructor.
Body harness. A harness to fit the whole torso. A body harness is usually of leather or rubber but other materials, such as rope, stainless steel or chain, are used. There is a tradition that the harness of a Top is essentially for decoration and is likely to be a studded upper body harness while that for a Bottom may plain but heavier, with restraining rings, cock ring, butt plug and/or chastity straps.
Body modification. See Piercing, Tattoo, and Scarification. Body sack = Body bag.
Bondage. The tying up or otherwise restricting of a partner. Bondage is one of the oldest activities of Man. There is evidence from before civilisation of thongs being used for the restraint of animals (and no doubt prisoners) and for ritual murder. In BDSM it has four basic and sometimes interrelated uses: restraint, punishment, sexual stimulation and art. Bondage for restraint may last for a few minutes to several days and may include other aspects or either or both control and sensory deprivation. In long term bondage the Stockholm syndrome may come into play and considerable thought should be given by all concerned whether this is what is desired. Some examples of simple rope bondage for restraint are given under Roping. Bondage for sexual stimulation includes genital bondage and breast bondage.
Bondmaid. A long-term female-identified slave.
Boot. Boots are a common item of BDSM clothing, sometimes a fetish. Boot licking. Licking the boots of the Master or Mistress is a common submissive activity for a slave.
Bottom. The person who chooses, in a giver scene, to surrender apparent power to the Top. The Bottom is thus the person to whom something is done, especially corporal punishment or humiliation. The surrender of power is, and should be, more symbolic than real. A good Top will try to satisfy the stated needs of the Bottom and ensure that a safe word is available. A good Bottom will similarly try to ensure that he or she satisfies the needs of the Top. There is an North American tradition that the word bottom, for a person, is written with a small initial "b". Here a capital letter is used in order to avoid confusion with the alternative meaning. The term Bottom is not suitable for Spiritual BDSM and the use of the term Postulant is suggested. Bottoming. Taking the role of Bottom. Bottom's disease. The affliction of a Bottom who grows to genuinely believe he or she is really inferior. Bottom space. To be in bottom space is to be entirely absorbed in being a bottom. Warning: a person in bottom space may not realise how much punishment they are absorbing.
Bottomless pit. A term sometimes used for a Bottom who seems to be able to take endless punishment.
Bougie = Urethral sound.
Boundaries = Limits.
Box. In some BDSM scenes a participant may be placed in a box, see also Coffin.
Boy. 1. The term "boy" as used by BDSMers never means a young person. The tradition of using it for certain types of adult Bottom is so well established that other terms have to be used for a young person. See also Paedophilia. 2. See Daddy's boy.
Brain washing. See Sensory overloading.
Branding. Branding with a hot iron has been used, especially in North America, as an alternative to tattooing. Branding is very much a specialist activity and if done wrongly the brand can either fade to a white shiny surface or expand to an ugly raised blotch. Warning: branding is dangerous and best left to experts. Infection of a brand can have very serious effects.
Brat. A bottom who takes the role of a rebellious child or sometimes a bottom who likes to struggle against a Top.
Breast bondage. Tying the female breast usually with a rope brassiere as part of play.
Breast bar = Breast press.
Breast-feeding. An activity that may form part of a baby-scene with a woman as Mother.
Breast press. Equipment, often consisting of two rods connected by bolts with wing nuts, for compressing the breasts, especially of females.
Breast stocks. Equipment similar to the breast press except the aim is restriction rather than pressure.
Breath control. Restriction of the Bottom's ability to breath. Warning: compression of the neck is extremely dangerous since it may lead to heart stoppage. It should never be attempted. Other techniques, such as blocking the mouthpiece of a gas mask are now also believed to be extremely dangerous and may cause cumulative brain damage if not death. There is no safe way to do breath control. In the USA it has been estimated that breath control may cause 1000 deaths per year. See also: Queening.
Bridle. 1. A type of gag in the form of a horse bridle. Sometimes including blinkers. Warning: a hard bridle can cause injury to the teeth and the sides of the mouth. 2. A soft bridle may be used in a pony scene.
Brown. In the handkerchief code, and sometimes advertisements, indicates scat. Brown shower. North American usage for scat.
Bruises. See Marks.
Buggy whip. A single thong plaited leather whip with a solid core and a flexible cracker on the end.
Bull bag. A weighted ball-bag.
Bull's pizzle. An old form of whip made from the cock of a bull that has been stretched up to one metre long. It has now been replaced by the hose pipe and the rubber truncheon. Warning: all of these can produce deep bruising and need to be used with caution.
Bullwhip. A single thong plaited leather whip about 2m long with a short stock or handle. It should only to be used to crack and even then care is needed to avoid accidental damage to people nearby. Warning: a bullwhip cracked against skin can result in deep cuts, and used for whipping without extreme care it can cause serious bruising.
Bum fucking = Arse-fucking.
Bungee board. A square board about 60 x 60cm with six hooks, three on two opposite sides, used for bondage. The Bottom kneels on the board in a crouched position and elastic bungee cords are looped through the hooks and over his or her back. (see Torture). Warning: the position may cause fainting and soon becomes extremely painful.
Burning. Minor burning or the threat of burning may form part of some BDSM scenes (see Fire play, Ash, Cigar and Wax). Slightly more serious burning may be used during temporary branding. Warning: Poppers and other flammable liquids should be kept well away. Careless use of burning can cause serious burns.
Butch. Manly, often to an exaggerated degree. Butch bottom. A lesbian or bisexual woman with masculine appearance who prefers to be a Bottom.
Butt. The North American term for arse. Butthole. See Arsehole. Butt plug. A specially shaped piece of plastic, rubber or metal designed to plug the arsehole until removed. May include a vibrator or contacts for an electrical stimulator. There are four basic shapes, doorknob or ball, carrot, cock and anatomical. Various sizes may be obtained. Warning: any one butt plug should be restricted to one person unless cleaning is possible or it is always covered with a new condom.
Butterfly. A hypodermic needle with a plastic handle shaped like a butterfly. It is meant for taking blood samples but may be used for temporary piercing.
Butterfly board. A board of soft wood with a central hole through which the cock and balls are put. The foreskin and ball-bag, but not the balls, are then pinned to the board, ideally with sterile hypodermic needles. The skin, board and needles should clean (see Cleaning) before any piercing. Warning: piercing can result in infection and possibly prosecution.
Cage. In some BDSM scenes a participant may be placed in a cage. Warning: danger of panic due to claustrophobia.
Candle. See Wax.
Cane. A rod of rattan (preferably Malacca cane), bamboo, nielgherry (nilgiri), wood or plastic, usually about 1m long, with a curved or straight handle, designed for use in punishment. Details of the types of rattan are listed under Rattan. Canes made of bamboo tend to split and can then cut the skin. Rattan canes will split in time but it is reported that rounding the end and briefly soaking the end before use increases their life. If the end of a cane splits it can be cut down and used again. Canes of wood may leave splinters. Modern canes in nylon or other plastic are said to be good.
Warning: caning on the hand can damage nerves. For this reason prior to heavy caning the hands should be secured away from the target area to avoid accidental damage.
Cap. 1. A leather motorcycle-style cap as is worn with leathers. 2. An old type of condom no longer used.
Captivity. Confinement or restriction in one form or another plays a major part in many BDSM scenes.
Caring. This is an essential element in any BDSM scene. A Top who is not concerned with both the giving of pleasure to the Bottom and with the physical and mental health of the Bottom is not a good Top.
Carriage. A light carriage or trap designed to be pulled by a person. See Horse, Bridle, Pony.
Cat = Cat-o'-nine-tails.
Cat-o'-nine-tails. A whip consisting of a number of thongs attached to a handle. The thongs may be of leather or rubber, or of cord. In BDSM the thongs are usually not knotted. The judicial Cat used in 1930 has been described as having a 19.75in (50cm) handle and nine unknotted cords each 1/8th of an inch (3.2mm) thick and 33in (84cm) long. The ends of the thongs were bound with silk thread. The weight of the cat was 9oz (250g) of which 6.75oz (190g) were in the handle. It was used with both hands on the naked back, the victim often being fixed upright to a triangle. Such an cat is not suitable for BDSM. When using the cat it is often useful to give the thongs a twist as they pass through the left hand before each stroke. The cat is commonly used on the back and should be aimed so that the tips of the thongs hit the shoulder blade. Protection should be provided for the kidneys and the neck. When the cords of a cat are knotted it should strictly be called a scourge or knout. Warning: a cat can become contaminated with blood or serum and should not be used on more than one purpose without cleaning.
Catharsis. The freeing from the effects of repressed emotion, especially guilt. Sometimes catharsis may occur during BDSM play.
Catheter. A tube for insertion into the piss-hole, occasionally used in BDSM bondage, submission or medical scenes. Warning: inexpert insertion of a catheter can cause internal injury and infection.
Cat's whiskers. To give a cat's whiskers is to cane on the arse in such a way as to leave welts radiating in the manner of cat's whiskers. See Caning.
Cattle prod = Goad (electric)
Censorship. It is a characteristic of most social groups that the try to suppress anything that encourages those urges that they do not wish to admit to enjoying. Censorship of BDSM material is particularly illogical. It is hard to justify banning representations of flogging or bondage done for the pleasure of the receiver while permitting representations of similar acts done to distress the receiver or as punishment.
Chain. Lengths of chain may be used as ornaments on clothing or in the playroom, as well as for bondage or suspension. For bondage heavy chain can, by its pure weight and inflexibility, produce an almost unique feeling. Warning: use of chain for bondage requires great care since its weight can produce problems and falling on chain can cause serious injury. For specific problems see Bondage.
Chaps. Leather leggings that do not cover the arse.
Chastity belt. A harness designed to prevent either sexual intercourse or masturbation. Used in Master or Mistress & slave scenes and in control scenes.
Chest harness. A harness to fit the upper torso. See Upper body harness.
CHDW. Clueless, horny, dominant wannabe. A derisive abbreviation used on the Internet. A person to be avoided.
Checking in. Checking during the scene to ensure that everything is all right and the scene is proceeding properly. The problem of seeming to lose authority can be avoided with a little thought and by demanding answers rather that asking.
Child abuse. One of the myths used to discredit BDSM is that it is connected to child abuse. Child abuse can be of three types: sexual, mental and physical. For sexual abuse see Paedophilia. No evidence of a connection between either mental or physical child abuse and BDSM has ever been produced. Indeed the statistics that exists show that BDSMers prefer people of roughly their own age, and are usually safer with children than non-BDSMers. The supposed existence of snuff movies showing the killing of children is discussed under Snuff movies and the mythical association between family violence and BDSM is discussed under Partner battering. For other myths see Nazis, Paedophilia and Racism.
Chudwa = CHDW.
Cincher = Corset.
Cinch loop. A technique for controlling the tightness of a rope binding two limbs, or the body and a limb, by putting a loop of rope round the binding and between the two limbs.
Clamps. See Clip play, Tit clamps.
Claustrophobia. Fear of being in an enclosed space. This is probably one of the commonest phobias to be encountered in BDSM. It is present to a slight extent in most people and probably accounts for the thrill of being hooded or restrained. When serious claustrophobia exists it is unwise for a Top to try to deal with it. Even if the Bottom seems to be able to deal with light bondage or a blindfold there is the risk of sudden and possibly dangerous panic. Imaginary bondage might however be worth trying.
Clip. One or more clips may be attached to loose skin to produce pain. See Clothes peg, Crocodile clip, Tit clamp, Tit screw.
Clip play. Activities involving clips. Special clips, tit-clamps, are available for the tits but ordinary clothes pegs can be used on the tits and elsewhere. When used on the tits, cock, ball-bag or female genitals attachment of all but the lightest clips require some preparation. For the tits this may be gentle rubbing. The clip should also be applied slowly, where possible pulling the tit forward and applying the clip behind the actual tit or the loose skin. It should be born in mind that removal of a clip is usually more painful than its application and the Bottom may require comforting. Clips are often applied to the body in groups, possibly of six, and removed in groups. They may also be arranged in satisfying pattern along sensitive areas, e.g. along the sides of the pectoral muscles, the insides of the legs and arms. Use of clips can be a heavy scene and is sometimes done in spiritual BDSM. See Clips, Zipper. Warning: clips on a small pinch of skin may produce cuts or blisters. Muscle is likely to suffer damage if clipped for more than a few minutes and skin may die if clipped for several hours. The vas deferens, attaching the balls to the body, should never be clipped.
Clothes peg. The spring type of clothes peg may be used on the tits as tit clamps or attached elsewhere for stimulation. Pegs are less likely to slip if the skin has been shaved. See also Zipper.
Clothing. It has been said that people strip for vanilla sex but dress for BDSM sex. The old-guard BDSM Top dressed in so-called full leathers which consisted of a muir cap, plain black leather biker's jacket over a leather body harness or a waistcoat, with black leather chaps and black leather boots. The style has been said to have been borrowed from films, the jacket from The Wild Ones and the harness from Spartacus. In North America the association of leather and BDSM is so close that the two terms are near synonyms. Rubber is an alternative material, sometimes worn by those into less heavy BDSM or into golden rain.
Clover clamp. A type of tit clamp, which tightens when, pulled. It is said to have originated in Japan for holding fishing nets during repair.
Cock. The penis. Although the shaft of the cock is fairly insensitive the head of the penis is extremely sensitive and is an erogenous zone. Cock & ball harness. A harness to encircle the cock and ball-bag. Cock & ball torture. Giving pain, usually minor, to the cock and the ball-bag or balls. Among the techniques available are: abrasion with fine sandpaper; abrasion with coarse salt in a condom; stimulation with brushes; gentle blows with a cock whip, miniature tawse, pencil or hand; chemical play or temperature play; electricity; binding; squeezing; pulling; piercing of the ball-bag but not the balls; shaving and tickling. For details see individual entries. Cock enlarger. A tube placed over the cock from which the air may be extracted. Said to enlarge the cock but essentially a device for either masturbation or for getting an erection quickly. Cock harness. A harness to contain the cock, usually with a ring for weights or a leash. Cock-hole. The urethra. Cock ring. Abbreviation of ball and cock ring. Cocksheath. A leather sheath, sometimes pin-pricked, to fit over the cock. Cock strap. Abbreviation of Ball & cock strap. A leather version of a ball & cock ring. Cock torture, giving pain, usually minor, to the cock and commonly also the ball-bag and balls. See Cock & ball torture. Cock whip. A small light whip, usually of the flogger type, for use on delicate parts of the body, especially the cock, ball-bag and breast. Warning: use with extreme care.
Code words. Words with a special meaning for BDSMers. See Contact ads.
Coffin. In some BDSM scenes a participant may be placed in a coffin. See also Box, Cage.
Cold spoon = Speculum.
Collar. 1. A dog collar may be worn as part of BDSM clothing and usually indicates a slave. If a person is wearing a collar with a closed lock round the neck it may indicate that the person is the slave of someone present. The old tradition is that such a person should be approached through the Master or Mistress. A collar with the lock open or with a lead may indicate that the person is either a slave or a dog looking for a Master or Mistress. Warning: pulling on a collar, especially from behind, can damage the throat. 2. A collar with rings for the attachment of handcuffs or for bondage or sometimes with cords carrying clips. 3. A wide collar may be worn to protect the neck during back flogging. See also Spanish collar.
Colour code = Handkerchief code.
Coming = Cumming.
Coming out. In BDSM terms revealing one’s BDSM interests to friends, relatives or the public. Coming out as a BDSMer is much the same as coming out as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Usually coming out starts with coming out to oneself, with admitting that one’s interests are not just a passing phase but part of oneself. Once one has fully come out to oneself coming out to others becomes easier. If it is felt necessary to come out to friends and relatives the words used become important. The word BDSM may not mean the same to them as to you. It is therefore sometimes easier to use other words or phrases such as rough sex, role play, submission and domination, sex games, etc. which are easier to understand. A section on Coming Out FAQ is given separately.
Condom. A rubber sleeve fitting, for men, over the erect cock and, for women, in the vagina. Originally to prevent pregnancy in straight sex but now also used to prevent infection by venereal diseases, especially the virus causing AIDS. Warning: keep condoms away from oils and oil-based lubricants. Use only water-based lubricants.
Confidentiality. Unless express permission has been given sensible BDSMers keep strict confidentiality. Even if a person talks freely about his or her activities it does not mean that someone else talking about them cannot do damage. Besides the listener may not understand your words in the way that you mean them. Saying that you flogged someone or that someone was a slave may have many meanings even among BDSMers and if it gets relayed to busybodies or authorities may cause real trouble.
Consent. Full, genuine and aware consent is an essential element in any BDSM scene. Since it has been argued that due to social conditioning some groups, e.g. women, cannot give true consent it should be stated here that "consent" as used here does not imply grudgingly given permission but active desire for the action to which consent has been given. Legal precedent (1992) established that consent is not a defence for assault causing actual bodily harm when the harm is for the satisfaction of "sadomasochistic libido". Harm is defined as injury that is "more than transient or trifling". Regardless of this it is an established principle of BDSM play that no activity should be undertaken without consent to that activity and also that a safe word is available which, in effect, withdraws consent and thus stops the activity.
Consensual BDSM. See BDSM. The term is used to emphasise the consensual nature of BDSM, and make clear that it does not involve non-consensual violence. Consensual non-consent. Agreeing that the Top may take actions to which the Bottom does not specifically consent. Warning: A practice that requires great care by both Top and Bottom since legally consent has not been given and limits are hard to determine.
Contact ads. Advertisements designed to contact possible partners. These ads are a standard way of meeting people with suitable interests. Care needs to be taken since advertisements and replies may not always be from genuine BDSMers. Some may be from people seeking money or interested in blackmail and some from people who just like to write or talk dirty. Warning: it is safer to meet new contacts in a public place before playing and never get tied up on the first play meeting. For safety, especially if bondage is involved, Bottoms should visit Tops.
Control scene. A BDSM scene in which the Bottom is ordered to carry out various actions, often by telephone. There may also be control in other ways, e.g. by a chastity belt.
Constriction = Binding.
Contrapolar stimulation. Stimulation, e.g. from a light riding crop or hand, that produces a mixture of pain and pleasure.
Convent scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of nuns.
Cooling down. After a scene involving physical activity it is necessary, as for any exercise, for the active person to cool down. The physical cooling down usually involves a slow decrease in the expenditure of energy. The mental cooling down at the end of a scene it usually involves decreasing the level of pain or stress and increasing the tactile and verbal support. If possible both Top and Bottom should relax together in quiet comfortable conditions for a period which could be several hours. A related phrase is ramping down.
Corporal punishment. A term which usually refers to activities such as spanking, birching, caning, flogging and whipping but could also include electrical torture, the use of tit clamps, etc. For details see under individual headings and under Beating. Some people who engage in corporal punishment, especially spanking and caning, do not consider themselves to be involved in BDSM.
Correction. Punishment, usually CP, a term mainly used in contact ads.
Corset. 1. Item of fetish clothing. The term include the cincher which is narrower. 2. A corset may be worn for bondage, punishment or humiliation. 3. The wearing of an extremely tight corset, and possibly suspension by it, has been used in spiritual BDSM. Warning: a tight corset can cause internal damage or fainting.
Co-Top. A Top assisting another Top.
Counting. A practice often required of a Bottom during beating when the Bottom counts the strokes with phrases such as, "three, thank you, Sir. May I have another, Sir."
CPR. Cardiac and pulmonary resuscitation, a necessary skill for all serious Tops.
Cracker. The length of whipcord attached at the end of a signal or similar whip that produces the "crack". It may be preceded by a length of rawhide, the fall. See Cracking.
Cracking. Cracking a whip is to use it in such a way as to produce a sound like a shot. This is the sonic boom produced when the speed of the end of the whip exceeds the speed of sound. See also Snapping. Warning: a whip cracked against a person will usually cut the skin.
Cramp. Muscular cramp is due to reduced blood flow to the muscle. This may be the result of tight bondage, lack of movement or movement in certain positions. If it is due to bondage, release the bondage. Gentle massage and gentle movement in a direction that will stretch the cramped muscle will often help alleviate cramp.
Crisco. A brand-name North American cooking fat commonly used a lubricant for fist fucking. Warning: Crisco is unsuitable for use with a condom, is hard to remove and can carry germs.
Crocodile clip. A clip meant for electrical connections which is characterised by having serrated edges to help it grip. It is sometimes used as a tit clamp or clip. Warning: a crocodile clip, unless the teeth have been blunted, may cut the skin.
Crack. 1. To wield a whip so that, without hitting anything, it makes a noise like a rifle shot. 2. The groove between the arse cheeks. The areas within the crack are often more sensitive to smacking than is the main arse.
Crop = Riding crop.
Cross. 1. A cross may be worn as an ornament. 2. A large cross or, more commonly a T-shape, made of wood that may be used for bondage or to hold a person during punishment. See also St. Andrew's cross.
Cross dressing. Dressing as the opposite sex. It may be a fetish or, if forced, used for humiliation.
Cross-orientation play. BDSM play between people who would not normally be sexually attracted, e.g. a gay man and a lesbian.
Crucifix = Cross.
Cruising. Waiting at, or strolling round, a suitable location with the hope of picking up a partner. Cruising always carries a certain risk and BDSM cruising is no exception. The usual recommendations are:
Don't play with anyone who you don't fully trust
Ensure that friends know who you are with and he or she knows that they know
Discuss safer sex and stop words before starting to play
If you are a Bottom try to play at his or her home
Crying. Some Bottoms require to be reduced to tears during a scene. They may need to be comforted afterwards. Others cry easily and find relief in tears.Cuddler. A person who engages in vanilla sex.
Cuff. 1. = Handcuff. 2. To put restraints such as hand or ankle cuffs on a person.
Cumming. Ejaculating spunk or cum. See Jerking off.
Cunt torture. Giving pain, usually minor, to the female genitalia.
Cupping. An old medical technique that used a slight vacuum to bring blood to the surface of the skin. Originally cupping was done by lighting an alcohol-damped piece of cotton wool in a small glass to warm the air inside then placing the mouth of the glass on the skin. The cooling air produced the vacuum. Now the vacuum is more often formed by using a small pump or using compressible rubber cups such as are sometimes found in snakebite kits or made for the bottom of a walking stick. Cupping is sometimes used in abrasion scenes to increase skin sensitivity. Cupping of the breasts or tits is also used for mild stimulation and a version of cupping may be used on the cock for the same purpose or to increase its size.
Cuts. An old term, used in schools, for strokes of a cane.
Cutting. 1. Shallow cutting of the skin may be done during or as a BDSM scene. Prior cleaning of the skin and sterilisation of all instruments is essential, see Cleaning. When judging the depth of a cut remember that bleeding may not start for several minutes. Bleeding may be stopped by steady pressure from the hand or a sterile pad. Cutting in order to produce scars is best left to the expert. Warning: unless full precautions are taken cutting can result in infection. Most cuts will leave faint scars. 2. Whipping in such a way as to break the skin. 3. The feel of certain implements such as thin canes.
Daddy. A person who play the part of a Father in a Daddy scene. Daddy's Boy. A person who plays the part of the son in a Daddy scene. Daddy's girl. A person who plays the part of the daughter in a Daddy scene. Daddy scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which adult participants, not necessarily male, play father and child respectively. It may involve humiliation and spanking. For a related scene see School scene.
D & S. Discipline and submission. Often used as a near synonym of BDSM but may also refer to a discipline scene such as Female domination. Commonly used in Contact ads.
D & Ser. A person involved in discipline and submission.
Danger. Real danger should never be part of BDSM. It is the responsibility of the Top, and to a lesser extent the Bottom, to ensure that all activities are safe. See also Fear and also Trust.
Dark side. The less socially acceptable aspects of a persons character that may emerge during a scene, e.g. cruelty.
Debriefing. The discussion at the end of a scene that is often useful in order to improve it next time. No scene is ever perfect and sometimes a slight change can turn something good into something wonderful.
Deep throating. Taking the whole of a cock into the mouth and throat and possibly massaging the cock using the throat muscles. This is a skill that some leathermen consider to be essential for a slave. The technique is learnt by practising with a soft dildo until the gag reflex has been overcome. The two requirements are to keep the head back and to swallow at the correct moment. See also Blow job. Warning: unless a condom is used there is a risk of transmission of the AIDS virus.
Degradation. Extreme humiliation. Warning: degradation may be psychologically damaging.
Dental dam. A square of latex rubber sheeting used to avoid infection during rimming or during oral sex with a female.
Derivative pleasure. The feeling of pleasure that can follow pain, such as caused by a stroke of a cane. It may be either immediate or follow after a delay.
Dialogue. 1. The negotiation which occurs before the start of a BDSM scene. 2. The verbal interplay which can form the major part of certain scenes.
Diamonds. The marks produced at the intersection of the welts produced by caning. They last longer than the marks from the welts.
Diapers. A Bottom may wear diapers either as part of a baby-scene or as humiliation.
Dick = Cock.
Dildo. An artificial erect cock which may be inflatable or include a vibrator. Dildos may be made of material varying from stainless steel to soft latex and are in various sizes. Double ended dildos are also made. Warning: hard dildos or insertion using force may do internal damage. Dildos should be kept clean, covered with a clean condom or used on only one person.
Dirty sports. These include not only golden showers and scat but also activities with imitation scat (see Scat), mud, oil, food (fresh or rotten) and general filth. See Raunch.
Discipline. 1. Punishment. 2. In monasteries and convents, instruments of discipline, such as the rod and flagellum or scourge, were, and possibly still are, referred to as disciplines. 3. Training of a submissive, see Discipline scene.
Discipline & submission = D & S.
Discipline scene. A scene in which one participant gives orders, enforced with punishment, and the other obeys. The orders are usually either directed towards exercise or activities that might be embarrassing.
Display. A term used for activities or scenes intended to be observed by people who are not involved. Obviously there is no limit to activities that may be displayed but some are more appropriate and common than others. Among indoor scenes used for display are physical training, flogging, humiliation, verbal abuse, animal training, bondage with stimulation, interrogation, games, wrestling, and fantasy scenes such as the school scene. Outdoor scenes may include bondage to railings, trees etc., dog training. See also Stripping.
DM's (Doc Martens). Doctor Marten's boots, a style worn by some BDSMers especially skinheads.
Dog & Master scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which participants play the roles of dog, or sometimes puppy, and either Master, Mistress or trainer, sometimes in public. If the dog is to be on hands and knees, gloves and knee pads can save unnecessary discomfort. A brief scene set in a fetish club for an alsatian dog, Rex, which is a family pet might be as follows. The scene begins with Rex being fed dog food and given lager to drink from a dog bowl. Rex is then petted, put on a lead and taken for a walk. During the walk Rex sniffs at various people, tries to make friends with another dog and has to be pulled away and finally gets into a fight with another dog. This results in punishment. Afterwards Rex expresses his love by licking his Master, being forgiven and finally sleeping at his Master's feet. See also Fantasy scene.
Dog & Mistress scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which participants play the roles of dog, or puppy, and either Mistress or trainer. See Dog & Master scene.
Dog leash. 1. A slave wearing a collar may be held on a dog leash. 2. In a dog & master scene the person playing the dog may be held on a dog leash.
Dom. A male-identified dominant.
Do-me queen. A Bottom who accepts the attentions of a Top but gives nothing back.
Domina = Mistress.
Dominant. A Top (commonly used in reference to heterosexual scenes). Dominant Bottom. A Bottom who likes to control in detail what the Top does, as opposed to the usual situation where the Bottom only controls the action in outline. Dominant-submissive relationship. The relationship between a dominant and a submissive. Dominating. Taking, by agreement, the role of a forceful Top in a scene.
Domination scene. A fantasy scene in which one participant dominates the other.
Dominatrix = Mistress.
Domme = Mistress.
Douching. Douching is usually done as a preliminary to both arse fucking and fist fucking but may also be used in a punishment or humiliation scene and sometimes in a Daddy or Mother scene.
Dressing. Forced dressing in clothes of the opposite sex, of the wrong age group, which are very garish or giving extreme exposure or undesired signals may be used as a form of humiliation.
Drugs. It is not advisable to take either narcotic or stimulating drugs during BDSM, however some Bottoms use alcohol, poppers or soft drugs. See also Alcohol, Poppers. Warning: drugs should never be used by a Bottom who is to be bound, gagged or hooded.
D/S. Dominance and submission. Sometimes used as a synonym of BDSM.
D/S relationship = Dominant-submissive relationship.
Dungeon. 1. A room resembling a dungeon may be used for confinement or more commonly as a playroom. 2. A playroom. Dungeon Master. The person in charge of a public or private dungeon or playroom who is responsible for ensuring that all activities are Sane, Safe and Consensual. Dungeon monitor. The non-sexist version of dungeon Master, often female. Dungeon party = Play party. Dungeon scene. A fantasy scene located in a medieval style dungeon. The scene usually involves fettering and/or fantasy torture and the style may be "Tower of London" or "inquisition".
Earplugs. Earplugs may be worn during a sensory deprivation scene.
Ecstasy pain. Pain that leads to a state of mind that has been called ecstasy. It may follow the acceptance of severe pain and has been claimed to be due to the release in the body of natural morphine-like compounds known as endorphins. The final result is possibly the same as that reached near the limit of spiritualised pain but it is approached by a very different path. The punishment is usually given reasonably hard from the beginning and usually lasts for over 20 minutes. Although the Bottom may find it difficult to take at the earlier stages, the approach to ecstasy is usually accompanied by demands for harder punishment.
Edge play. 1. Any play that takes a Bottom to the boundary of agony, madness or death. When done alone in socially acceptable situations an edge player is often considered to be a hero. Examples include trapeze artists, stunt people, solo long-distance sailors, explorers and even war heroes. Done in a BDSM context the player will usually be considered either mad or totally perverted. Physical edge playing with a partner leaves both players open to prosecution with little chance of a successful defence. This is because it is (unbelievably and illogically) argued that the Top has forced the Bottom to submit at the same time as it is argued that the Bottom is guilty of assisting the Top in the crime. Even more surprisingly edge players cannot even rely on the support of the BDSM community. Warning: the dangers are listed under the heading of the techniques used. If a person feels, after long and careful consideration, that he or she has no alternative but to engage in edge play then at least it can be made as safe as possible. Attain maximum fitness. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Only play with people you have known long enough to trust. Only play when you both know what you are doing and the Top knows what to do in an emergency and has the physical and mental strength to do it. 2. Play that takes a Bottom further that expected, see also Limits, Mind play.
Electrical stimulator. 1. Medical equipment for producing low amperage AC current at several hundred volts for exercising muscles by muscle stimulation. It may have six or more independent pairs of electrodes. The current voltage, frequency and even duration may be variable at will. 2. Similar equipment designed, usually with one pair of electrodes, for use in BDSM or sex play. Warning: unsafe if used above the waist, not to be used by those with a pacemaker, only use battery powered equipment. See also TENS.
Electricity. Electricity is used in a variety of ways in BDSM.
Warning: electricity is not safe unless it is used with knowledge and care. Always use equipment that is battery powered. Except for extremely low current equipment, e.g. Violet wand, never use electricity above the waist. Whipping flu may follow any electricity play that has caused muscle spasms. Electricity sources. For BDSM electricity play there are a number of items of equipment that may be used to produce the current. Among these are the following.
a. Low voltage, low amperage current transformer equipment.
Electrical stimulator: the main safe equipment for BDSM play. See under this heading.
TENS unit: produces current at about 100 volts which is scarcely effective except when applied to the most sensitive areas.
Violet wand which produces a safe tickling or pricking sensation.
Stun gun. Designed for self-protection and not suitable for normal BDSM activities.
Electricity play. Play involving the use of electricity. Warning: see warning under Electricity.Electroplay = Electricity play.
Electro-stimulator = Electrical stimulator.
Emery board = Sandpaper.
Empathy. One of the characteristics of most successful BDSM scenes is the development of empathy between the Top and Bottom. Ideally this reaches the level where the Top can feel the emotions of the Bottom and the Bottom feels as if the Top is reading his or her mind.
Endorphins. The name used for a group of morphine-like substances that may be produced in the body as a reaction to stress or pain. The release of endorphins has been claimed to be the cause of the BDSM high. This aspect should not be overstated; many mental and physical states are due to the release of chemicals but few chemicals have predictable results and to oversimplify and thus devalue complex reactions is analogous to discarding diamonds on the grounds that they are composed of carbon. Endorphin shock. A state of over-excitement said to be due to the over-sudden release of endorphins.
Enema. An anal douche. An enema may be used for cleaning before arse-fucking, fist fucking or further enema play. It may also be used in various scenes such as the Baby-scene, Medical Scene, Daddy scene, as a punishment or for a scene related to scat. Warning: careless use of an enema can cause injury and infection. Introduction of liquids other than water or too much liquid may be dangerous. Introduction of liquid too quickly will cause intestinal cramp. If the water is expelled over someone the dangers are the same as for Scat.
English. Code word for caning. See Contact ads.
Erotic power. A term that has been used for sexual BDSM.
Etiquette. Etiquette at BDSM society meetings and play parties is not only a personal matter but also varies in detail from area to area. A general observation is that BDSMers are probably more polite and better behaved that vanilla people. Some general rules are:
Exercise. Since many BDSM activities are essentially physical they are improved if the participants are fit. Among these activities are some forms of bondage and suspension where both the Top and the Bottom need to be fit if the necessary degree of safety is to be maintained. Where beating is involved it is also an advantage for the Bottom to have reasonably developed muscles in the target area and for the Top to have the necessary strength, stamina and physical control. Fitness is usually considered to have three aspects, all of which are important. These are: endurance, flexibility and strength. Fitness is only obtained by regular and suitable exercise. Forced exercise may be used as punishment especially in a military scene, see Physical training. Warning: exercise techniques should be learnt from a qualified instructor. See also Body building.
Exhibitionism. The gaining of pleasure by knowing that one’s activities are being seen by people who are not involved. See Display.
Exit word = Safe word.
Extending limits. See Limits.
Extreme play. Play involving heavy BDSM. See also Edge play.
Face sitting. Play in which the Top sits on the face of the Bottom. It may or may not involve breath control by suffocation. Warning: danger of hepatitis transmission and of suffocation. See also Queening.
Fainting. Fainting is not uncommon during BDSM scenes. Among the frequent causes of fainting, excluding that due to a medical condition or serious injury, are: minor shock due to pain, cutting or piercing; ecstasy; hyperventilation; suspension (either way up); drugs (including poppers) and lack of sleep. The person is best laid in the recovery position while the pulse and breathing are monitored. Recovery is usual within a few minutes. If it takes longer treatment should be sought. For shock, other than minor, see under that heading. It is reported that the effects of hyperventilation, which may include panic, can be lessened by breathing into a paper bag. For fainting due to diabetes give sugar or a sweet drink.
Fall. On a single tailed whip the fall is a length of rawhide, possibly 15cm long, between the plaited whip and the popper.
Fantasy. In many BDSM scenes fantasy is an essential element. Scenes in which fantasy is a major element are called fantasy scenes. Role Playing Games are a subsection of fantasy scenes. Fantasy scenes. Some of the more common fantasy scenes, listed under the essential element of the fantasy are given below.
Fear. For some people fear, always unjustified, is an important aspect of BDSM. See also Danger and Trust. Fear play. Fear plays a part in many scenes, especially head trips. Sometimes scenes are designed to either play on general fears or on specific fears. Examples of play based on general fears are the use of dungeons that look frightening; the use of equipment that could be dangerous, e.g. a knife, or that looks dangerous, e.g. a fake electric chair; or of a person who seems dangerous e.g. insane or abnormally powerful. Play based on real fears may involve using phobias such as fear of heights, confinement, spiders, etc. Warning: inducing terror is not part of BDSM. A degree of trust must remain. Playing on phobias may lead to panic and the Top must be prepared to deal with this. See also Head trip.
Feeding tube. A hood or gag may include a feeding tube through which water, nutrients, etc. may be supplied. Warning: never use a feeding tube if the Bottom has consumed alcohol or drugs. Use care to prevent choking.
Female domination scene. A heterosexual BDSM scene in which the woman is the Top.
Fem-dom. Abbreviation for female domination. Used in Contact ads.
Femme. Feminine in appearance, usually with reference to biological women. Femme top. A lesbian or bisexual femme woman who is a Top.
Feminists. Some Feminists object to BDSM on the grounds that the power exchange between BDSMers copies or helps to perpetuate the male-dominating-female relationship to which they object. Some also believe BDSM may also encourage violence towards women. Neither argument is justified. BDSM is always between truly consenting partners and is a loving activity. If one partner says, "I'll only do it because it pleases you," or "I'll do it because of social or peer pressure," this is not true consent and the activity is not BDSM. No BDSM group supports non-consensual violence and evidence suggests that BDSM relationships are usually less violent that vanilla relationships.
Ferula. The Latin name for a punishment strap. The term is sometimes used in Roman Catholic schools for the tawse.
Fetish. Anything, which has been, invested with special sexual significance, e.g. Latex, Leather, Rubber, Silk, PVC, Uniforms, Boots, etc. It may also include also certain smells (e.g. of underclothes) and possibly tastes. Fetishist. A person with a strong fetish. Fetish scene. The fetish community, a group which includes people with a tolerance of, and often an interest in, BDSM. Many BDSMers have found that being part of the fetish scene is considered more acceptable to outsiders than being part of the BDSM scene.
Fetters. Originally metal leg cuffs joined by a chain, now used for any movable metal equipment, including manacles, intended for restraint.
Figging. A Victorian term for spreading ground ginger on the female genital area to produce a feeling of heat.
Fiction. Writing which some BDSMers find erotic seems to have existed since the early days of printing. Before this it was relayed by word of mouth, as in reports of the lives of the martyrs and the pains of purgatory.
Fingering = Finger fucking.
Finger fucking. Inserting a finger into the rectum or vagina. It is often the first step towards fist fucking. See Fist fucking.
Fire & ice. Play involving the alternating use of heat and cold.
Fire play. A difficult type of play often related to Fear Play. In one form it involves passing a burning torch over and sometimes under a limb of the Bottom or possibly putting alcohol (70% or weaker) on the skin and setting fire to it. The torch may be soaked in similar alcohol or paraffin (kerosene). In either case the Top must experiment on his or herself just before use in order to get the timing right. Other related techniques involve the use of candle wax, cigars, incense sticks and hot oil. If hot oil is used, either for dripping or for frying the genitals, it must be under 50oC measured with a thermometer. Metal piercing ornaments must be totally avoided. Burn cream, a fire blanket and a fire extinguisher must be present. Warning: serious danger of burns and of fire. See Ash, Wax, Cigar, Heat and Temperature play.
Firm hand. Code word for spanking or CP used in Contact ads.
First Aid. For any BDSM scene there should be a first aid and emergency kit present. Possible contents would include: disinfectant, burn cream, eyewash, sugar, plasters, condoms, water-based lubricant, dental dam, bandage scissors, spare keys for all locks, a torch and the phone numbers of a doctor and solicitor. Serious BDSMers should learn first aid including CPR.
Fisting = Fist fucking. Fistee. A person who is fisted. Fister. A person who fists. Fist fucking. Inserting the hand, not the fist, into the rectum or vagina. Insertion into the rectum must be done extremely slowly using large quantities of a suitable long lasting lubricant. Usually it is necessary for the person to be in a position that can be held for a long period without strain, e.g. on a sling with the legs in stirrups. Fingernails should be short and the hand is usually covered with a thin rubber glove. The process normally begins with the insertion of one, then two fingers into the arsehole and continues as the fistee is able to relax and accept more. Fist fucking is said to produce a high similar to that of spiritual BDSM. Warning: fist fucking can cause infection and laceration. There are also reported to be long term dangers that include anal incontinence. Since Vaseline and Crisco remain in the rectum for at least 24 hours and both render condoms useless avoid fucking after fisting unless you are sure that the lubricant used is oil-free.
Flail. Strictly a rod with a hinge in the centre, not suitable for BDSM play. The term is also used for the Flogger.
Flag. 1. The handkerchief used in the handkerchief code. 2. To indicate ones preferences using the handkerchief code qv. May be used as in the phrase, "he flags red left" i.e. he likes to be a fist fucking Bottom.
Flagellating = whipping.
Flogger. A leather or rubber whip with many flat thongs. The flogger is commonly used on the back aiming the tips at a shoulder blade. Light use gives a feeling similar to massage but heavy use is like a cat but with more thud. When used on the back protection for the kidneys and neck may be needed. Flogging. Heavy whipping, usually of the upper back and commonly using a flogger.
Flying. 1. Suspending in a near horizontal position. Warning: the back may be strained unless the waist is supported. See Suspending. 2. A feeling of elation combined with unreality that may be felt by a Bottom during and sometimes after a good scene.
Foot suspension. Suspending by the feet or ankles. Warning: inversion can cause fainting and damage to the eyes. Foot suspension restraints. There are three basic types of equipment that can be used to suspend a person by the feet. The simplest is a pair of boots screwed to a board. It is hard to ensure that this type is safe. Other types are leather straps that fit over boots and a padded version that can be used over the bare feet. Warning: if there is any doubt as to the safety of the restraint either add a safety rope round the waist or do not use the equipment. A fall when inverted, even over a short distance, can be fatal.
Forbidden zone. The region of the body which must not be hit. It lies between the top of the hips and the bottom of the fixed ribs and contains a variety of organs that are easily damaged.
Force-me queen. A Bottom who desires to be forced to do something or accept punishment. Care has to be taken that the play is truly consensual.
Four-bar gate. To give a four-bar gate is to cane on the arse in such a way as to leave four horizontal and two diagonal welts. See Caning.
Framework. Playroom furniture consisting of an open structure of poles, lumber or angle iron to which a person may be attached.
Freakout. A term sometimes used to mean panic.
French. A code word for blow job, used in contact ads.
Fringe whip. A light multistrand whip with braided nylon tresses used only for its tactile qualities. See Cock Whip.
Furniture. Equipment, usually of the restraint variety, for use in a playroom. Furniture scene. A fantasy scene in which the Bottom acts as a piece of furniture, commonly a footstool or table.
Fuschia. In the handkerchief code indicates spanking.
Gag. Various types of gag are commonly used in a variety of scenes. Among the common gags are the ball gag, the penis or pecker gag, the tongue or wedge gag, the bar gag and the similar horse bit (with side rings), the tube gag and the O-ring gag. The latter two are also known as open gags or donut gags. Many of these can incorporate breathing or feeding tubes. There are also inflatable gags. Sometimes thongs may be used as a form of gag. Gags are most effective when combined with a muzzle that prevents the mouth being opened. Gagging. Silencing by using a gag. A technique sometimes used for convenience but also important in sensory deprivation and in the demonstration of dominance. Warning: use of a gag can result in suffocation due to inhalation of vomit especially after alcohol or drugs has been taken or during feeding through the gag. Inflatable gags are particularly dangerous in that there is the added danger of over-inflation causing a complete stoppage of breath. Care must also be taken to avoid damage to the teeth or the sides of the mouth.
Game playing. 1. Games such as dice, poker, etc. may be played in a punishment scene to establish punishments, and sometimes who is to receive them. There are two groups of possibilities. The Bottom may be required to play (e.g. dice or cards) to decide on the level and type of punishment. This is essentially punishment but takes the responsibility for decision from the Top. Nevertheless it is still the Top's responsibility to ensure that the Bottom is not damaged, and the punishment is with full consent. The other group of possibilities, more usual with a group, is where chance also determines who is Top and who is Bottom. This essentially turns all the players into Bottoms, since they are accepting instructions from the game. Games may vary from a version of strip poker, through to specially designed board games on the snakes and ladders principle. 2. Games such as guessing the time during time play or blindfold tasting, with forfeits or punishments for wrong answers, may be played during a scene. 3. At BDSM parties games are often played to warm up and to encourage BDSM play. Among these are "Truth or Dare" and "Slave Auction".
Gas mask. An army or civilian type gas mask may be worn as a mask. The type with a breathing tube has been used for breath control games. Warning: a mask that limits breathing is dangerous, see Breath control.
Gates of hell. A type of cock harness which consists of a series of metal or leather rings.
Gay S/M. BDSM between gays.
Gender play. Play in which one or more of the players plays a role of the opposite sex.
Generation X = New guard.
Genitorture. Stimulation of the male or female genitals.
German. A code word implying BDSM interests. See Contact Ads.
Getting done. Getting exactly what one requires form a scene without having to give anything in return.
Gibbet. A support for suspension or restriction consisting of a pillar and a horizontal bar to which the person may be attached. It should never be used for activities that involve a rope round the neck. Warning: see Hanging.
Girl. 1. The term "girl" as used by BDSMers never means a young person. The tradition of using it for certain types of adult Bottom is so well established that other terms have to be used for a young person. 2. See Daddy's Girl.
Giver = Top.
Gloves. 1. Leather gloves are worn when dressed in full leathers. 2. Leather gloves may be worn to make spanking easier. 3. Gloves, plain, ribbed or pinpricked may be used in an abrasion scene. 4. Rubber or plastic gloves may be used for safety during fist fucking. 5. Gloves, or mitts, may be used on the Bottom during bondage to protect the wrists and make escape harder.
Goad (electric). An electricity source with two prongs as contacts designed to be used to hurt cattle. Goads, unless modified, are not suitable for BDSM. Warning: not to be used above the waist.
Going under. The process of slowly moving into Bottom Space.
Golden Showers. Activities involving urine.
Gorean. A code word implying dominant/submissive interests (men dominating women) as in the Gor novels by John Norman. .
Governess = Mistress.
Green. 1. As a safe word it means, continue. 2. In the handkerchief code it means either sex for money or else Daddy or Daddy’s boy.
Gray. In the handkerchief code indicates bondage.
Gut punching. Punching the upper abdomen, an activity sometimes use during or as a BDSM scene. Warning: unless the Bottom is ready for the punch and has a reasonably muscular abdomen damage can be caused. See Punching.
Hairbrush. The back, and rarely the front, of a hairbrush may be used on the arse for punishment. The front may be used for abrasion.
H-piece. A type of ball divider shaped like the letter H.
Hair plucking. Plucking of hair from the body may be done for stimulation.
Halt word = Safe word.
Halter. A leather strap or rope placed round the neck in order to lead a horse or slave. Warning: do not use a halter that can tighten and don’t pull so that it presses on the front of the throat.
Hand job. To give a hand job is to jerk off a partner.
Handballing. The North American term for fist fucking.
Handcuffs. A device (padded or unpadded) of leather, rubber or metal for tethering both hands together. Metal handcuffs should be double locking to prevent accidental tightening. Handcuffs are essentially of three types.
1. Play handcuffs, usually cheap, double-locking with a lever and liable to jam; only
useful as ornaments.
2. Police detainer cuffs designed for arrest.
3. Police or prison escort cuffs used for transporting a prisoner. Usually heavier and more
comfortable but not always adjustable.
Handcuffs should never be used for suspension. Over-tightening may damage the nerves of the hands.Handkerchief code. A way of indicating preference by the colour and the position of a handkerchief or bandanna in the back pocket of the trousers. Left indicates Top; right, Bottom. Occasionally, worn round the neck or on the head may mean a switch. Although there are extensive lists of colours and their meanings the colours most commonly seen are as follows:
Black BDSM esp. whipping
Blue (light) Blow job
Blue (navy or dark) Arse fucking
Brown Scat
Fuschia (pale purple) Spanking
Green Sex for money or Daddy/Daddy's boy
Gray Bondage
Olive/khaki Military
Orange Anything
Purple Piercing
Red Fist fucking
Yellow Water sports
For the main colours used by BDSMers see Black, Brown, Fuschia, Gray, Purple, Red, and Yellow. Warning: do not read too much into the code. The wearer may not know the code, may use a different code or may change his or her mind.Hanging. 1. = Suspending. 2. Restraining with a loop, attached to a high point, round the neck. Warning: hanging is extremely dangerous and should never be attempted. Mock hanging, in which there is no pressure on the neck, is still dangerous and great care is required to ensure that:
Harness. A series of bands of leather, metal, etc. which enclose a part of the body, especially the chest. See Cock harness, Cock and ball harness, Body harness, Chest harness, Head harness, Gates of hell, Lower body harness and Upper body harness. See also Rope harness.
Head. To give head is to give or have a blow job.
Head games. Scenes that aim to end in a head trip.
Head harness. A harness to fit the head, often used to immobilise the head or to simplify blindfolding and gagging. Warning: never use a head harness for suspension.
Head rush. A term for the high obtained in breath control scenes.
Head trip. 1. The result of BDSM which is almost entirely based on the imagination. 2. A scene in which most of the action takes place in the mind of the Bottom. It is worth noting that most BDSM scenes have a head trip element. For instance almost any whipping scene is improved if the Bottom believes it to be heavier than it actually is. Warning: if a heavy head trip goes wrong it can produce long-term mental effects including irrational fear and distress. Care should be taken that the Bottom, despite fear, retains his or her trust in the Top.
Heavy BDSM. Although the distinction between light and heavy BDSM is obviously a matter of opinion it is suggested that for activities such as whipping it is placed at that point when involuntary movement becomes general. Similarly, long-term bondage is considered to be heavy when the Bottom's reaction are no longer under his or her control. Heavy BDSM does not imply damage.
Hedgehog. A spiked wheel sometimes used in abrasion scenes.
Helmet. 1. A metal construction that completely encloses the head. 2. A safety helmet, see Hard hat. 3. The head of the cock.
Hepatitis. A disease, debilitating and occasionally fatal, that is transmitted through contact with blood or shit. Inoculation is available for hepatitis A and B. All BDSMers should be inoculated, at the least for the widespread hepatitis B.
High. An indescribable feeling of peace and well-being, the attainment of which is the aim of spiritual and sometimes other BDSM. See Spiritual BDSM.
HIV. Human immunodeficiency virus. This is the virus usually held to be responsible for AIDS. HIV positive. Showing a positive reaction to a test for antibodies produced in response to the HIV virus. This usually is taken as an indication that the infection by the virus has occurred. It is wise to assume that all partners are HIV positive and to take precautions. Suitable condoms must be worn for any arse or vaginal fucking and only water-based lubricants should come into contact with a condom. It is probably wise to use condoms for blow jobs. Great care should be taken not to exchange blood, e.g. needles should never be shared. There may also be some dangers, especially if the skin is damaged, of coming into contact with infected cum or blood. Other than this the danger is slight since the virus is delicate and cannot be transmitted by kissing, using the same cup, or by normal contact.
Hogtying. A form of bondage in which the Bottom's hands are tied to the feet.
Honesty. One of the essential requirements for the safe negotiation of a BDSM scene.
Hood. A type of bondage clothing of leather, cloth or rubber which covers all or most of the head. It may include a feeding tube. Some hoods are inflatable thus increasing the feeling of containment. Wearing a hood can have several purposes. It may be used to aid the imagination by changing, or hiding, the appearance of either a Top or Bottom. A close fitting hood may give a feeling of confinement and/or sensory deprivation and powerlessness. A suitable hood may give a feeling of breath control. A hood that includes a blindfold and gag will considerable increase the effect of stimulation. Warning: there is a danger of suffocation (see Gag) and of panic. Hooding. Placing a hood on a Bottom.
Horse. 1. Playroom furniture in the form of an exercise horse, or sometimes a saw horse, over which a person may be bent and possible attached. 2. A role in a BDSM fantasy scene in which the Bottom is a horse who may be ridden, see Carriage, Bridle, Halter, Pony.
Hospital scene. A fantasy scene in which the characters are a patient and a doctor or nurse. See Medical scene, Time play.
Hospital restraints. A type of restraint used in hospitals to prevent a patient leaving the bed.
Hostage scene. A scene in which one or more players take the part of hostages. It may involve bondage, confinement and ill-treatment. For a related scene see Torture scene.
Hot lubricant. A lubricant containing a mild irritant which gives the impression of heat. See Chemical play.
Houseboy. A male-identified servant who does housework such as dusting, often nude or near nude, and who may be punished for unsatisfactory work.
Housegirl. A female-identified equivalent of a Houseboy.
House slave. A "slave" who acts as a house servant.
Humiliation. Often part of a Master or Mistress & slave scene or a domination scene. See Verbal abuse. After humiliation a period of cooling down with verbal and physical reassurance is usually necessary. Warning: heavy humiliation can be psychologically dangerous.
Hunting crop. A riding whip with a short stock which has a handle, for opening gates, and a long lash. The lash may be attached via a loop known as a keeper. Sometimes called a riding crop.
Hysteria = Panic.
Ice. Ice, from pure water, rubbed on the skin, held against erogenous zones or inserted into the rectum, or elsewhere, may be used in stimulation or punishment. Alternatives are cold sprays, ice packs or even frozen food. Warning: in order to avoid frostbite care must be taken to ensure that the ice is beginning to melt before use. Ice for insertion should have all sharp edges rounded. Ice from anything other than pure water should NEVER be used. Sudden cooling can cause a slowing of the heart, use discretion.
Immobilisation. Bondage that almost entirely stops the Bottom from moving.
Impalement. A method of execution in which the victim is placed on a sharpened pole which enters the arsehole. In the BDSM equivalent the Bottom may be immobilised by standing with a dildo in the arsehole, the dildo being supported on a pole. Warning: the Bottom must be supported from above since a fall or undue pressure on the dildo would result in serious injury.
Incense. Incense may be used during a scene to cover unwanted smells or to add to atmosphere, especially in spiritual BDSM. Incense stick. A thin incense stick may be used for burning. See Fire play, Branding.
Infantilism. Obtaining pleasure by being dressed and treated as a baby. See Baby-scene. Infantalist. A person practising infantilism.
Initiation ceremony. An initiation ceremony may or may not be BDSM depending on whether it is with the full consent of the parties and for their pleasure. Most initiation ceremonies are performed before initiated members of the group and are usually designed to bond the initiate to the group. They usually have one or more of the following purposes: to humiliate, e.g. hazing; to test bravery, e.g. certain gangland initiations; to separate the candidate from other groups, e.g. criminal initiation involving committing crimes; to obtain mystical powers, e.g. America Indian rites of passage; to symbolically join the candidate to the group, e.g. baptism, tattooing, head shaving, circumcision. Warning: except as fantasy many of the above are outside the field of BDSM. Even as fantasy care must be taken not to cause psychological damage.
Injury. Injury in BDSM terms is damage that is more than minor cuts and bruises and can generally be avoided. It is possible to cause extreme pain without causing injury. Warning: causing injury is assault. The defence of consent has been declared not to be valid if the injury is more than "trifling and transient".
Inquisition scene. The fantasy of torture in a dungeon is common. The activities that occur in the dungeon are often based on the tortures of the inquisition.
Internet play. The Internet equivalent of Telephone Play.
Inverting. It is not uncommon in bondage or restraint scenes for the Bottom to be physically inverted, i.e. placed upside down. In its simplest form the Bottom may be suspended by the feet. Other possibilities are suspension in a body bag or inverted bondage e.g. on a St. Andrew's cross. Except with fit and practised Bottoms, inversion may be better as fantasy than reality; many people are unhappy about being inverted for more than a short time. Warning: inversion can cause fainting and damage to the eyes. There is also the danger of damage due to failure of the support. Always ensure that the support will hold at least 200kg and that a safe way of release (safe for both Top and Bottom) is available.
Intrusive techniques. BDSM techniques that involve putting something into areas that are not normally open to the air. The techniques include fist fucking and the use of dildos as well as piercing, cutting and catheterisation. For all intrusive techniques, and especially the latter, surgical cleanliness is necessary if infection is to be avoided.
Irons. Metal bars with loops to hold wrists and/or ankles.
Jacking off = Jerking off.
Japanese rope bondage. The Japanese have for over a thousand years raised apparently ordinary activities to the level of spiritual exercises or art. Among these activities is that of packaging.
The American Bondage-Master Michael Dane has listed six types of Japanese bondage. The are as below.
1. Spiritual bondage for long-term gentle restriction in order to help the bound person to reach a higher spiritual level. In this the pain increases steadily.
2. Submissive bondage, stress free restriction allowing the Bottom to express submission and to be stimulated in other ways.
3. Erotic bondage, which complements the erotic attraction of the subject and perhaps gives some erotic stimulation.
4. Endurance bondage, producing immediate pain.
5. Suspension bondage, in which the subject is often inverted and is in a position of complete powerlessness. It requires great care for it to be safe.
At a first glance much Japanese bondage looks unbelievably complex but careful examination usually reveals that it is based on less than half a dozen basic ties. Rather as in classical ballet the art is in the combination and modification of basic units in order to create new and personal art.
Jerking = Jerking off. Jerking off. Producing sexual pleasure in oneself or a partner by stimulating the cock with the hands. An activity that may be required of a Bottom or done by the Top to form the natural end to a BDSM scene. Sometimes a Bottom, though desiring the first stages, may not want to cum during the scene.Jockstrap. An item of clothing sometimes a fetish object.
Junior Top. A less experienced Top assisting an experienced Top.
Kajira. A female pleasure slave as in the Gor novels by John Norman. Used as a code word in Contact ads.
Karabiner. A metal snap used for attaching ropes when climbing and useful for suspension, or ornament. See Panic snap, Snap.
Katherine wheel. A vertical wheel on which an attached Bottom may be rotated. The term comes from the firework based on the wheel on which St. Katherine was martyred.
Kennel training = Dog training.
Keys. When keys are worn on the left this may indicate a Top, on the right, a Bottom. Sometimes keys hanging out imply, looking for a partner, while in the pocket imply a lack of interest. No keys may indicate rough sex as opposed to BDSM.
Key word = Safe word.
Knife play. Play in which a knife is used as part of the action. Normally the knife is not used for cutting although mock cutting using the back of the knife, a blunted knife, or even a credit card, possibly with fake blood, may occur. The knife is more often used for threatening or for cutting clothes. When cutting clothes a piece of material may be pulled up, twisted and cut off to produce a hole, or the knife inserted under the material and the material cut away from the wearer. Warning: knife play is dangerous, particularly for the careful Top, since the knife blade should face in the Top's direction. For cutting cloth a sharp knife is safer than a blunt knife.
Knight & squire scene. A fantasy scene similar to the Master & slave scene but with medieval connotations.
Kicking. Kicking, usually to the thigh muscles may occasionally form part of a BDSM scene. Warning: kicking, especially with boots, can cause serious injury, and a kicker with with bare feet can damage the toes.
Kidnap scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which a person is kidnapped. It may involve the actual kidnap as well as confinement and possibly ill treatment. For a related scene see Torture scene. Warning: acting out a kidnap in public can cause police involvement.
Kinky sex. Sex that is not traditional but not necessarily BDSM.
KY jelly. A brand-name water-based lubricant suitable for use with a condom.
Ladder. Playroom furniture in the form of a ladder, sometimes triangular, to which a person may be attached.
Latex. A common material for clothing and often a fetish material. Warning: some people are allergic to latex.
Lath. A ruler-shaped implement, usually of wood, used for spanking. See Paddle.
Layering = Mummifying
Law and BDSM. BDSM, as such, is not against the laws of Britain but the law of assault still applies. Consent has been held not to be a valid defence unless the injuries are "transient and trifling". There have been several cases where the people involved, including those hurt, were convicted and sentenced to imprisonment. Activities not causing injury may seem to be legal but it is still wise to be careful. BDSM literature received by post or brought through customs may be stopped and may result in one's home being searched and items such as leather trousers removed as evidence. Particularly dangerous is activity, photographs or literature involving young looking people. The position about legal gay sexual activity when there are others present is not fully established but is probably illegal if it occurs in a public place (which includes a car or a hotel room). The law on keeping a brothel can be applied if a third person accepts money. The law on keeping a disorderly house is vague but requires proving that a person ran a house in which disreputable activity occurred several times.
Lead = Dog leash.
Leash = Dog leash.
Leather. 1. Leather is one of the most usual materials used for BDSM clothing, as a cover for playroom furniture and as a material for whips etc. It is also a common fetish material. 2. To whip with a leather whip. Leather butt. 1. An arse in which the skin has been toughened by a history of whipping. 2. An arse made red by recent punishment. Leather creed. See Safe, Sane and Consensual. Leathered up. A term used for skin that has been uniformly reddened, usually by caning. Leatherfolk. A term that has been used (mainly in North America) for those who engage in leathersex. Leatherman. A term for a male (or possibly female) who engages in leathersex. Leatherwoman. A term for a woman who engages in leathersex. Leathers. A complete set of leather clothing comprising, for men, at least chaps and jacket. Leathersex. A term that has be used (mainly in North America) for BDSM sex but may imply differences in emphasis, e.g. fist fucking is definitely included.
Leg & wrist restraint. A restraint, often leather, with four cuffs, the inner for ankles or thighs and the outer for wrists.
Leg cuff. A device of leather (padded or unpadded), rubber or metal for tethering legs together. Leg irons. Irons for ankles. Leg separator. A bar with rings at the ends for attaching leg cuffs, designed to hold the legs apart. Leg stocks. Stocks designed to hold only the legs.
Lesbian BDSM. BDSM between lesbians.
Lick. A single stroke of a belt. Licking. 1. Licking with the tongue is sometimes required of the slave in a Master or Mistress & slave scene. 2. The sharp rapid use of the hand or a paddle to the arse.
Lifting. Gradually bring the Bottom towards the state of peace and happiness sometimes called an altered state. It is one of the most important arts of the Top. During, for instance beating, an experienced Bottom may be able to lift him or herself without the help of the Top so that the pain felt can be changed to a pleasurable sensation. Even so some help would usually be appreciated. For a less experienced Bottom lifting by the Top is essential if the scene is too succeed.
It is a technique that is hard to explain since it depends to a large extent on the empathy between the Top and the Bottom.
Limits. The setting of limits, i.e. the amount of punishment a Bottom believes he or she can take, is an essential step before the start of any except the lightest BDSM scene. Extending limits, also called pushing limits, is a practice in which the Bottom is pushed to take more punishment than he or she has taken before or expects to take. It is not incompatible with respecting limits, an essential of BDSM play. If a Bottom uses the safe word the Top must stop. The Top may offer a rest, comfort or encouragement but if the Bottom still does not wish to play then the scene should be ended. This is respecting limits. If however the Bottom says, "I don't think I can stand any more," then it may be that a pause in the action, followed by comfort and reassurance may allow the action to start again. Building up the intensity slowly may enable the scene to continue to a peak of satisfaction agreeable to both. This is extending limits.
Lochgelly = Tawse. The name comes from the Scottish town known for the manufacture of the school tawse.
Lock. Locks are often used in bondage. Warning: a lock that refuses to open can be anything from embarrassing to a major disaster. Always use good quality locks maintained according to instructions. If possible all locks should have identical keys. Have a bolt cutter or metal cutting hacksaw available.
Lower body harness. A harness to enclose the lower body. It usually includes a cock ring.
L-piece. A ball divider in the shape of the letter L.
Lubricant. Various lubricants may be used in BDSM scenes to facilitate a variety of activities, especially fisting, or, when rubbed over the body, massage. See Baby oil, Crisco, KY, Aqueous Cream BP. Warning: lubricants for use with rubber condoms must be water-based. Care must be taken that lubricants do not become contaminated, e.g. do not scoop from a large container.
M. An abbreviation (of masochist) that has been used to mean BDSM Bottom or, less commonly, Master. Because of this confusion it is less used now.
Macho sub. A Bottom who wants to prove that he or she can take pain and/or obey orders and therefore may not use a safeword before damage is caused. Such Bottoms must be watched with care and ordered to give the required information.
Mailsack. A sack with a round base used to enclose, and often suspend, a person. Warning: check constantly to ensure that the Bottom is all right.
Manacles. Heavy restraints made from strips of iron and not usually adjustable. The term is sometimes restricted to wrist/wrist restraints but is also used for wrist/ankle, wrist/belt, wrist/neck and even neck/wrist/ankle restraints. See Irons. Warning: metal restraints can break bones and require care in use.
Marks. The general term for welts, bruises, etc. left after punishment. Marks from beating are often considered as ornaments for public display or private pleasure. It is important to have consent before taking any action that might leave marks. Some people dislike having marks and BDSM activities that do damage that is more than trivial and transient are illegal in the UK. The ease with which people mark is extremely variable but aspirin, and probably most alternatives, increases the risk of bruising. A cold shower, or a cold pack over injuries for 15 minutes or less, will reduce bruising. Heat will make it more evident.
Martinet. A small multi-thonged whip, the leather thongs having square cross-sections (i.e. like bootlaces). It is said to have been designed by Major Martinet for use on the bare arses of officer cadets at the French military academy of St. Cyr.
Mask. A mask may be worn by the Top in certain scenes where appropriate, e.g. a medieval torture scene or animal scene or else to depersonalise him or herself. A Top may require a Bottom to wear a mask for similar reasons. See also Gas mask, Hood.
Masochism. A technical term introduced in 1886 by the obsessed classifier Krafft-Ebbing as the name of a pathology. He used in to mean - obtaining satisfaction from being hurt. This satisfaction may not be the same as the satisfaction obtained by a BDSM Bottom. Before 1886 BDSM was seen as a medical curiosity rather than a problem. In BDSM the relationship between the Bottom and the Top is always consensual and pure pain is seldom the aim. The word is derived from the name of the author of a masochistic novel, L von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895). Masochist. 1. A technical term, now little used in psychology, with no relevance to BDSM. 2. A term sometimes used for a BDSM Bottom, especially one who enjoys pain.
Master. 1. A BDSM Top. 2. One of the characters in a Master-slave scene. 3. A Top who trains his Bottom as a slave or has slaves. 4. A form of address sometimes used by a slave to his or her Master. Those other than slaves should only use the title with permission. Master & slave scene. A very common BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of Master and slave. Master/slave relationship. One of the basic BDSM relationships. A short or long term relationship in which the slave looks up to the Master and seeks to be worthy of the Master's attention. It usually involves sex and may be essentially a rough sex relationship. Related scenes include the Master-dog, Father-son, and Mother Superior-novice scenes. It has been said that slaves cannot usually remember an early interest in the subject. This contrasts with the recollections of Bottoms in a Top-bottom relationship.
Masturbating. Producing sexual pleasure in oneself or a partner, usually by stimulating the sexual organs with the hands. Often done after a BDSM scene. See Jerking off and also Milking.
Meat tenderiser. A studded leather plate with a hole for the cock. It is worn over the stomach with the studs outward to stimulate the person being arsefucked.
Medical scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of a nurse, doctor or surgeon and a patient. Possible activities include the giving of medical examinations, sounding, taking smears and samples, cupping, giving an enema or using a catheter, shaving, stitching, using electricity, etc.
Meditation & BDSM. Both BDSM and meditation are complex and frequently misunderstood activities. BDSM has been said to be unnatural, perverted and even evil. Meditation has similarly been said to be odd, foreign and even evil. To most people, including some of those who practice both, the two would seem to have little in common; after all many religions recommend meditation, few would admit to recommending BDSM. Regardless of this the practice of BDSM is often in effect a type of meditation. An essay Meditation and BDSM is given separately.
It is also worth noting that traditional meditation before a scene and sometimes during a scene may make it easier to attain the state of pleasure that is a main purpose of BDSM.
Mental bondage = Psychological Bondage.
Middle. In a scene with three or more people a person who is Bottom to a Top but acts as a Top to one or more Bottoms.
Military scene = Army scene.
Milking. Jerking off a partner especially if repeated as many times as possible.
Mind fuck = Head trip.
Mind trip = Head trip.
Mistress. 1. A female-identified BDSM Top. 2. One of the characters in a Mistress & slave scene. 3. A form of address sometimes used by a slave to his or her Mistress. Others should only use the title with permission.
Mistress & slave scene. A common BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of Master and slave.
Mitts = Mittens.
Mittens. Mittens, usually of leather and designed to hold the hand closed, may be used during bondage or for suspension.
Mummy. A person who play the part of a Mother in a mummy scene. Mummy's Boy. A person who plays the part of the son in a Mummy scene. Mummy's girl. A person who plays the part of the daughter in a Daddy scene Mummy scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which adult participants, not necessarily male, play Mother and child respectively. It may involve humiliation and spanking. See also Daddy scene.
Monastery scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of monks.
Mouth-fucking. Giving a blow job.
Mud wrestling. A game in which scantily clothed participants wrestle in mud, often in front of an audience, each with the aim of stripping the opponent.
Muff. A muff, commonly of leather with internal straps, may be used to secure the hands or, rarely, legs.
Mummifying. A form of bondage in which the subject is almost completely enclosed in the bonding material. This may be clingfilm covered with sticky tape, rubber bandages or plaster of Paris. Inflatable splints produce a similar effect. The subject may be lying down, sitting or standing. If standing care must be taken to ensure that the subject cannot fall. Partial mummification, usually of the head or genitals is also common. Warning: heat stroke is a danger for full mummified person if the room is hot or the subject struggles. Sticky tape should not be applied directly to the skin. Care must be taken to avoid suffocation. Before tightening any bondage that might restrict chest movement instruct the Bottom to take a deep breath. The usual checks on circulation should be used. Ambulance scissors, or other equipment for removal of the bandages must be available. Most mummification subjects require both physical and verbal contact with their partner throughout the scene.
Mummy bag = Body bag.
Myths. There are a number of myths that are commonly used to discredit BDSM and BDSMers. See Child battering, Nazi, Paedophilia, Snuff movies, Partner bashing and Violence.
Needle. A sterile needle, often a sewing machine needle, suture needle or a hypodermic needle, may be used for pricking or temporary piercing. Needles should be sterile and the skin clean. Needles not designed for piercing skin usually need to be sharpened to a three cornered point to enable them to enter the skin easily. Warning: never use a needle on more than one person and avoid pricking yourself by accident. Avoid nerves and blood vessels. Pricking the nerves in the cheek can cause facial paralysis.
Negotiating. This is an essential preliminary to any BDSM activity. A start to negotiation may be the filling in of a questionnaire.
Nettle. See Plants.
9½ weeks. A code word for Dominant/submissive interests (men dominating women) as in the book and film with that title. Sometimes used in contact ads.
Nipple clamp = Tit clamp. Nipple torture = Tit torture
Noise. Noise, either white noise or repetitive music, may be used to flood the sense of hearing in a sense deprivation scene. Sounds associated with prisons or torture chambers such a whipcracks, creaking or clanging doors, echoing footsteps, screams and moans may add to certain scenes while more traditional music may be suitable for others. There are also tapes of BDSM scenes available.
Nostril strap. Equipment, usually of wire, which hooks into the nostrils used in Japanese BDSM.
Novice. A person new to, or inexperienced in, BDSM.
Nudity. 1. May be used in a BDSM scene for practical reasons. 2. May be used as part of humiliation, the Top remaining dressed. See also Stripping.
Nun. 1. A member of the "order of perpetual indulgence", which is made up of men, dressed as nuns, who collect for charity. Not necessarily into BDSM. 2. One of the roles in a convent fantasy scene.
"O" Fantasy. Fantasy scene involving male domination of a woman, based on "The Story of O" by Pauline Reage.
Oil. Oil may be used as a cosmetic or a aid to massage. See Baby oil. Hot oil is sometimes used as an alternative to wax. See Fire play. Warning: hot oil may cause burns. Keep oil away from rubber condoms, it makes them useless.
Old-guard. Those who follow the rules of the early leather community (see Leather) are referred to as belonging to the old-guard. The main features were that they did not switch and observed strict codes of behaviour and hierarchy. For details of old-guard dress see Clothing. See also New guard.
Open air. Certain scenes, e.g. military punishment, flogging, pegging out, confinement to holes, chaining to trees, being left to the mercy of animals (ants, sheep, etc.) may be enacted in the open air. See also Display. Warning: care must be taken not to lay oneself open to criminal charges such as outraging public decency.
Overseer's whip. A plaited-leather, stockless, single-thong whip of the type used by slavers. It is about 2m long and can be coiled for easy transport. Warning: use with extreme care.
Over the knee. The traditional position for spanking, sometimes abbreviated to OTK in contact ads.
Paddle. 1. A hard flat piece of wood or leather shaped like a short cricket or table tennis bat. It may be studded or have holes or partially drilled holes on the surface. It is designed to be used on the arse and produces a characteristic noise. Commonly used in North America especially during hazing. 2. To hit with a paddle. Paddling. Hitting with a paddle. Warning: a paddle should only be used on the arse and possibly thighs. Even then if used hard and often it can produce severe deep bruising which may be immediately dangerous and ultimately result in permanent loss of feeling and thickening of the skin.
Padlock = Lock.
Paedophilia. The love of children (of prepubescent children by an adult is usually implied). One of the myths used to discredit BDSM is that it is connected to, or leads to paedophilia or alternatively leads to, the very different, child-abuse. Every study that has been made has shown that BDSMers are generally over 25 and prefer partners of roughly their own age. Police records show that in most examples of sex between children and adults the adult is a heterosexual non-BDSM member of the family.
Pagan (in BDSM). A person who professes to worship the Goddess or the female principle and who is usually especially interested in female domination.
Pain. Pain may be desired for any of at least eight reasons. Knowing the reason why the Bottom requires pain may often assist the Top is satisfying the Bottom's needs. Taking the reasons roughly in order, from the lowest pain level to the highest, they are as follows.
1. To please the Top. The Bottom may appreciate as little pain as possible plus evidence of appreciation by the Top.
2. As part of suffering humiliation. The Bottom may appreciate exaggerated dominant behaviour, verbal abuse and formal humiliation as well as punishment.
3. To feel fear or excitement. The Bottom may appreciate being blindfolded and possibly gagged, receiving threats and warnings and receiving kindness and pain unpredictably.
4. As a sexual stimulant (spiritualised pain) The Bottom may appreciate a slow build-up, pain concentrated at erogenous zones, comforting and sexual stimulation during the scene and signs of enjoyment by the Top.
5. To demonstrate courage or machismo to others. The Bottom may appreciate a hard start, having an audience, punishment that leaves marks and looks hard. The Bottom may also refuse to have a safeword and complain afterwards that he or she could have taken more.
6. To confirm courage or machismo to him or herself. The Bottom may appreciate much the same as in (5) but may want long lasting marks and/or a photographic record of the scene and marks.
7. As punishment to expiate a feeling of guilt (punishment pain). The Bottom may appreciate
a formal punishment scene possibly involving bondage and possibly with praise afterwards.
8. To attain ecstasy (ecstasy pain). The Bottom may appreciate a scene that lasts over 20 minutes with steady slow build up to heavy pain. The Bottom may need to be restrained in order to prevent movement and may need company while coming down.Panic. A sudden irrational desire to escape from a painful or frightening situation. Every effort should be made to avoid the onset of panic. After panic has started the only solution is to speak firmly and calmly until the attack is over. If the Bottom has been restrained any particularly uncomfortable restrains may be loosened but the Bottom should not be released until calm. Warning: immediate release of a person in panic will probably result in the Bottom hurting him or herself and may expose the Top to attack. Panic snap. A type of snap or karabiner which releases immediately when the shield is pulled down. It is of value as a safety device in suspension but should not replace a pulley as a way of lowering a person. Warning: when a panic snap is operated the Top must be prepared to take the full weight of the Bottom.
Parachute. A parachute shaped piece of leather which is fastened round the neck of the ball-bag and to which weights may be attached. It may be used to increase the intensity of orgasm, to produce pain by increasing the weights or in certain scenes by ordering the Bottom to keep the weight swinging. A parachute may be pinpricked. Warning: weights should never be dropped.
Partial suspension. Suspension may be said to be partial when part of the Bottom's body is still resting on the ground. Examples are if the Bottom is on his or her toes, face down resting on the chest (bastinado position), or face up resting on the shoulders. Warning: the bastinado position can strain the back..
Party = Play party.
Passive. A person to whom something is done, e.g. Greek passive is a person who is arse-fucked.
Pecker. A North American term for the cock. Pecker gag. A gag in the shape of a erect cock.
Penance. 1. A psychological need for penance may be a reason for accepting punishment. 2. The need for penance may used as an excuse for punishment in fantasy scenes such a those involving monks or nuns. See Inquisition, Monastery.
Penetration techniques. Techniques such as fist fucking, using a dildo or catheter, which require entry into body cavities. Warning: all such techniques carry dangers of both physical damage and infection. See individual techniques for detailed warnings.
Penis whip = Cock whip.
Penitente. A sect that uses bodily pain for the remission of sin. Said to be a Dominican – Hopi Indian combination based in the Southern part of New Mexico.
Perversion. An activity, usually sexual, that is disapproved of by those who do not practice it, or do not wish it to be known that they do practice it. Among the activities frequently included (by those using the term) are: bestiality, exhibitionism, fetishism, sadism, masochism, sodomy and masturbation. See also Technical terms.
Pervert. 1. A person who, "suffers from a perversion". A usage which is becoming outmoded and is of no relevance to BDSMers. 2. A term adopted by some gay, lesbian, bisexual and BDSM people to indicate pride in their individuality.
Pet. A Bottom whose main desire is to please the Top.
Pet shop boy. A man, usually young, who wears a dog’s collar and possibly a lead. See Collar.
Petticoat discipline. Punishment of a male by forced cross-dressing.
Phobia. An irrational fear of some object or condition. There are two groups of phobias of interest to BDSMers: those suffered by BDSMers and those suffered by vanilla people about gays, lesbians, bisexuals, BDSMers or aspects of BDSM.
Physical limits = Limits
Physical training. 1. Training to improve fitness. In general, being fit makes it easier to enjoy BDSM. Also some BDSM activities are not safe unless the people involved are reasonably fit. Among these are some forms of bondage and suspension where both the Top and the Bottom need to be fit if the necessary degree of safety is to be maintained. Where beating is involved it is also an advantage for the Bottom to have reasonably developed muscles in the target area and for the Top to have the necessary strength, stamina and physical control. 2. Punishment involving physical training exercises such as push-ups, sit ups, running on the spot, etc. See Physical training scene. Physical training scene. A scene involving physical training.
Piercing. 1. Permanent piercings for the insertion of jewellery, on almost any part of the body, are common among BDSMers. It is usual to start with a small ring and if required to stretch the piercing by using increasingly large rings. Pulling a ring, such as a tit ring, is not safe unless the ring is at least 1.4mm thick. 2. Temporary piercing of skin, tits, foreskin and/or ball-bag may form part of a BDSM scene. Temporary piercing is commonly performed using sterile hypodermic needles. Sterile gloves are worn. The skin is pinched upward and the needle inserted straight through the fold of skin. For further stimulation the needle may be turned, patted or tied to other needles. It may also be threaded with sterile thread and the needle pulled through leaving the thread in place. For extreme forms of temporary piercing see Kavadi, Sun dance. Warning: piercing may result in infection, or damage to nerves. Piercing guns can produce shock if used on the body. Piercing of the cheeks can produce local facial paralysis. See also Blood play.
Pig. 1. A person who is into raunch. 2. A person who desires a lot of something, e.g. a pain pig.
Pillar. Playroom furniture consisting of a pillar with rings to which a person may be attached, especially used for flogging.
Pillory. Playroom furniture to confine a standing person by the neck and hands. Warning: sudden movement while in a pillory may cause neck injury.
Pinpricked. Lined with small usually more or less blunt spikes, which are designed to irritate rather than damage. Cock rings, parachutes, gloves, belts and vests may be pinpricked.
Piss play = Piss scene.
Piss scene. Although the term may be used for a scene involving Water sports it is also used for situations where the Bottom is forced to urinate on him or herself.
Pits = Armpits.
Plank. Playroom furniture consisting of a plank, usually slanting or horizontal, on which a person may be laid and then attached.
Plants. The use of plant material such as wood and of plant stems as canes etc. is discussed elsewhere. Plants with spines or prickles such as the rose, holly, bramble and thistle have been used but are better replaced by other materials whose cleanliness can be assured and whose action is predictable. Warning: pricking with products from nature carries a risk of infection with tetanus unless the receiver has been inoculated. Stinging nettle (Urtica dioica) and possible the small nettle and the Roman nettle have been used to produce a stinging sensation during sexual BDSM since Roman times. The effect of nettles brushed against delicate parts of the body should not be underestimated. Antihistamine cream may be used to alleviate the pain. For the use of plant chemicals as irritants see Chemical play. Warning: nettles may produce allergic reactions. Test before use.
Plaster bandage. A cloth bandage soaked in plaster of Paris used for mummification. When using plaster of Paris it is essential to have the correct tools for its removal and the technical knowledge to prevent sticking and overheating.
Play. BDSM activity. Play party. A party at which BDSM play is the main activity. Playroom. A room, sometimes painted in dark colours and furnished with bondage furniture, in which BDSM scenes may be enacted. It may also contain a cage or similar confining area and a sling and will normally have a selection of implements available. There may also be a way to provide music and possibly show videos. There should be an emergency and first aid box, an emergency light and a fire extinguisher. Warning: for an activity such as whipping it is essential to have enough light to aim and to see the results of the whipping.
Pleasure pain. Eroticised pain, a type of pain that is perceived as pleasure
Plug = arse plug. Plug harness. A lower body harness designed to hold an arse plug or dildo in place.
Poetry. BDSM poetry of quality is not very common. Among those who have written such poems are David Bergman, Alan Ginsberg, Victor King, Scott O'Hara, Mason Powell, Jay Shaffer (John Dibelka) and Simon Sheppard. (All in the Badboy Book of Erotic Poetry, ed. David Laurents)
Pony. A role in a BDSM fantasy scene. A pony often pulls a light trap. There are a number of Pony Clubs for people who wish to be ponies or to drive pony traps. Pony trap. A light trap capable of carrying a person and designed to be drawn by a pony. See Pony.
Popper = Cracker.
Poppers. Volatile nitrites, such as amyl nitrate, butyl nitrite, isobutyl nitrite and alkyl nitrites, used for inhalation. They are said to increase sexual pleasure, relax muscles and decrease sensitivity to pain. They are often labelled incense or room deodoriser. Warning: various ill effects have been ascribed to the use of poppers and they are not safe for use by those with low blood pressure. They are extremely flammable and should never be used near a flame or when people are smoking. Use of poppers after taking Viagra is extremely dangerous and has been known to result in death. The legality of their sale, except through pharmacists, is in doubt.
Postulant. The name suggested for the person being led to higher levels in Spiritual BDSM.
Power exchange. The re-assignment of power between two consenting people for the purpose of BDSM activity. Such re-assignment is usually complex and not related to the non-BDSM status of the players. Part of the complexity is in the relationship of the Top and Bottom. The Top behaves as if he or she has all the power yet only acts with the permission of, and within limits laid down by the Bottom. It also involves the development of trust between the players. The Bottom places trust in the Top and the Top accepts the responsibility of being worthy of that trust.
Prefect. One of the characters in a school scene. The prefect may give, and more rarely receive, CP.
Prick = Cock.
Pricker wheel. A small wheel with a serrated rim designed for marking cloth but often used in abrasion scenes. See also Hedgehog.
Pricking. Pricking with a needle or a spiked wheel. Pricking is sometimes used as stimulation. Warning: always follow the precautions listed under piercing.
Prison scene. A BDSM fantasy scene in which the participants play the roles of jailer and prisoner. For related scenes see Inquisition scene and Police scene.
Prostitute = Sex worker.
Psychological bondage. Putting a Bottom under restraint by giving orders that he or she is not to move. It can be as heavy as physical bondage.
Psychological safety. In any BDSM scene that involves domination and submission, especially a verbal abuse or interrogation scene, there is a danger of reinforcing early feelings of superiority and inferiority. This danger can be decreased by taking a number of precautions.
Avoid playing with people who have mental or drug problems. Always have a cool-down period in which both players return to reality. This often involves the Top giving reassurance that the Bottom is not really inferior and the Bottom reminding the Top that the scene has really ended.
In a scene involving pain it is equally important that the Top comforts the Bottom and also that the Bottom reassures the top that he or she has enjoyed the scene.
In a punishment scene it is has been said to be unwise to make pleasurable punishment the reward for real errors. E.g. A Bottom may be punished for not knowing the capital of Patagonia but not for failing to get an erection. Since this may not be practicable it is again necessary to ensure that the Bottom realises that the scene and reality are completely different.
Public play. Any play taking place within view of those not involved in the play. Warning: the legal position is complex but many activities that are allowed in private cannot be done in public. There are also a number of vague laws concerning public decency and also about acts likely to cause a breach of the peace.Pump gag. An inflatable gag. See Gag.
Punching. Punching, usually to the upper abdomen, but sometimes to major body muscles, may be part of a BDSM scene. See Gut punching.
Punishment. General term for BDSM activities producing pain. Punishment bondage.
Puppy. May be a character in a Dog & Master scene.
Puppet. A Bottom may be turned into a puppet by attaching cords to clips on the arms, legs etc. If these are pulled gently the limbs may be controlled. See also Clips.
Purple. In the handkerchief code indicates piercing, usually temporary. See Handkerchief code.
Purse suture. See Stitching.
Pushing limits. See Limits.
Pushy Bottom. A Bottom who pushes him or herself at the Top, demanding attention.
Pussy whip = cock whip.
Queening. Face sitting by a female. See Face Sitting.
Quirt. A North American riding whip with a short handle to which are usually attached two, sometimes four, lashes which may be connected via a loop. The total length is often about 1m.
Rack. Originally an instrument of torture. In BDSM it is a form of playroom furniture to which a person may be attached by the hands and feet. It is used for bondage not torture. Warning: be careful that the Bottom can breath easily.
Ramping. A North American term for changing the level of a scene thus ramping up is to raise the level, i.e. make the scene heavier, and ramping down is dropping the level. See also Cooling down.
Rattan. 1. A cane made of rattan. 2. to beat with a rattan. 3. The material from which canes are made. Rattan is the stem of a climbing palm. According to Kew Gardens, Malacca cane, commonly used for making walking sticks, is Calamus scipionum and the commoner Malay cane, known in the trade as Sega and used for chairs etc. is Calamus caesius which may be recognisable by the faint diamond pattern which often shows on the surface. Nilgiri is the material that was used to make the old school cane but is said to be unobtainable now. A variety of the natural Malaya cane is sold as "kooboo" and after the outer skin has been sanded off the more uniform product is sold as "polished reed". Polished reed is commonly varnished to improve the appearance and stiffness.
Raunch. Play involving body secretions, excretions and/or odours, see also Pig. Warning: scat involves a danger of infection by hepatitis.
Rawhide. A type of leather used to make thongs for binding and especially for ball wrapping, often used as a term for any leather thongs.
Rebel play. A scene in which the Bottom with agreement resists the Top. See also Stroppy bottom.
Red. 1. As a safe word red means stop all activity immediately. 2. In the handkerchief code red indicates fist fucking.
Rent boy. A term used for a male sex worker. Although some rent boys are willing to participate in BDSM either as Tops or Bottoms it should be realised that even those who specialise in BDSM may not follow, or even know, the rules of safe BDSM play. Neither is there any guarantee that they have the necessary skills for safe play. See also Sex worker.
Respirator. A gas or dust protection respirator may be used as a hood. Warning: there is a danger of suffocation, for details see Breath control. See Gas mask.
Restrainer. A male chastity belt
Restraint. A general term for any form of bondage. The equipment used in restraint can be made of various materials.
Rope - in BDSM soft woven rope with a diameter between 8 and 16mm is preferred. If the correct techniques are used roping is comparatively safe. See Roping.
Metal - metal equipment is mainly used for effect or else for punishment without additional action. It is inherently dangerous since, if tight, it can damage nerves or stop the blood supply and any sudden movement can break or damage bones. Even police handcuffs can cause serious damage.
Wood - similar uses to metal but preferred for large-scale equipment.
Leather, rubber, canvass and plastic - probably the safest material for restraint. Used extensively for smaller items.
The range of equipment is large. Among larger items are irons, bilboes, pillory, stocks, whipping post, triangle, cross, gibbet, stocks, horse, standing stocks, coffin, whipping stool, whole body restraints, straight jacket. Among smaller items are: hand and ankle cuffs, spreaders, collars, belts and corsets, links, bars, mittens and muffs, ball stocks, ball harness, bungee board, tension strap, elastic luggage straps, tit clamps or ring hooks, bits, gags, blindfolds and ear muffs, leg and arm tubes. Restraints. A term for paired pieces of equipment for restraint, e.g. ankle restraints.
Riding crop. In BDSM usually refers to a jumping or jockey whip. This is a short whip, about 30in (76cm) in all, that usually ends in a broad double flap. The distinctive noise produced by the flap on impact is often considered an asset when used in BDSM. See also Quirt and Hunting crop with which there is much confusion.
Riding whip. A general term including not only the riding crop but also longer versions such as polo, dressage, lunge and driving whips.
Rimming. Stimulation of the arsehole with the tongue; may be required of a slave in a Master or Mistress & slave scene. Warning: rimming can result in infection by hepatitis, syphilis, etc. A dental dam may be used to decrease health risks. Inoculation against hepatitis is available.
Rod. 1. A cane. 2. In Victorian English the Birch. 3. The cock.
Roissy. Sometimes used as a code word for men dominating women. Used in Contact Ads. It comes from the name of a place in The Story of O by Pauline Reage.
Role. The fantasy role taken by a person, not always in a full fantasy scene. A person playing a role in public may not behave as his or her normal self and is said to be "in role". Role-playing. This is one of the major activities in BDSM scenes. Role playing games. Scenes in which role playing is the principal activity, see Fantasy.
Roman showers. Activities involving vomit. Vomiting may be by the Top over the Bottom, or involve the Top inducing vomiting by the Bottom by putting fingers down the Bottom's throat or more rarely by gut punching.
Rope. Rope is used for bondage and is sometimes worn as a code for bondage. Rope used in bondage should be soft, braided and between 8mm and 16mm in diameter. Rope bondage = Roping. Rope handcuffs. One of the basic ties in roping. They are made by getting the Bottom to hold his or her hands out, palms facing and about 5cm apart. A two meter length of rope is looped round the wrists several times, the ends crossed over, then wound between the wrists several times, and finally tied with a reef knot. Rope burn. The burn produced when rope is drawn quickly across bare skin. Treat as an ordinary burn. Rope harness. A full body harness of rope that is tied directly on the person. See Roping. Roping. Tying a person with rope. It is one of the more satisfying means of restriction with an exciting range of possibilities. In Japan it is considered to be a art form like Ikebana. An essay on roping is given separately. Warning: never place rope round the neck. Check regularly for changes in colour or temperature changes that may indicate loss of circulation.
Rosebudding = Rimming.
Rotan = Rattan.
Rough sex. A term sometimes used for BDSM with the emphasis on BDSM as sexual foreplay. See Sexual BDSM.
Rubber. Rubber clothing which is sometimes worn by BDSMers. It may indicate a gentler BDSM than leather, an interest in water sports or simply be a fetish.
Rubber hose. Sometimes called rubber hosepipe. A length of rubber hosepipe is sometimes used symbolically in police and similar fantasy scenes. It may substitute for a rubber truncheon. See Truncheon. Warning: hitting with a rubber hose can cause bruising and injury.
Ruler. A ruler may be used for spanking. A 12in (30cm) flexible steel ruler is especially effective. See Lath.
S. An abbreviation (presumably of sadist) that has been used to indicate a BDSM Top, or less commonly, slave. Also rarely, in contact ads, spanking.
Saddle. 1. A support in the form of a saddle or modified saddle. 2. A saddle to fit a person so that the person can be ridden.
Sadism. A technical term in psychology introduced in about 1838 for obtaining pleasure from the unhappiness of another. This is not related to the pleasure of a BDSM Top who desires the Bottom to feel pleasure. Sadism has no place in BDSM. The word is derived from the name of the author of sadistic stories, Compte (D.A.F.) De Sade (1740-1814), better know as the Marquise de Sade. The evidence suggests that he was a BDSMer but not a sadist. Sadist. 1. A technical term in psychology, now little used, of no relevance to BDSM. 2. A term sometimes, incorrectly, used for a BDSM Top, especially one who gives pain.
Sadomasochism. 1. A technical term in psychology introduced by Krafft-Ebbing. His definition is confused and the term should not be used for consensual BDSM. 2. A term sometimes incorrectly used for BDSM. Sadomasochist. 1. A technical term in psychology, now little used, with no relevance to BDSM. 2. A term sometimes, incorrectly, used for a BDSMer.
Safe sex = Safer sex.
Safer sex. Sex activities carried out in ways that minimise, but may not totally avoid, the danger of infection by the AIDS virus or other diseases. The most important requirement is always, without exception, to wear a condom for arse-fucking or fucking and never allow an oil-based lubricant (e.g. Crisco or Vaseline) near a rubber condom. Unsafe sex is not a part of BDSM.
Safe, sane & consensual. Originally introduced by North America BDSMers it is now becoming accepted as the creed of BDSMers throughout the world. Safe implies not only following safer sex practices but also to avoid physical and mental damage. Sane implies not taking avoidable risks. This includes such things as not using poppers in a room where there is a flame or a person smoking; avoiding drugs which may affect judgement and ensuring that equipment is properly used in a safe way. Consensual means not only that the Bottom has given consent to, or better expressed an active desire for, all that will happen but also that all those involved, including spectators, have given their full and aware consent. This consent does not always have to be in words. A Bottom kneeling and holding out a whip to a Top is clearly giving consent. Conversely a stranger at a non-BDSM disco cannot be assumed to have given consent to seeing, even if briefly, a heavy BDSM scene. See also Consent.
Safety. Many BDSM activities, in common with sports etc., carry risks. The human is a delicate animal. Used carelessly, handcuffs, a whip, gag, or collar can produce permanent damage or even death. Used correctly they can produce extreme pleasure.
Safe word. A word agreed on before the start of a BDSM scene which, when said by the Bottom, stops the action. It, or an alternative such as a signal, is considered by most BDSMers to be essential for any but the lightest BDSM.
The original and still essential use of a safe word is for scenes in which the Bottom begs for mercy and asks the Top to stop as part of the scene. In such a scene the phrases, "stop," "I can't stand it," or "I'm dying," may be part of the scene and only a word such as the Bottom's (not the Top's) name, "safeword," or "red," will register to the Top that something is wrong. Note that a good Top might recognise that something has gone wrong before the safe word has been said, but an excited Top may require a word not related to the scene to return to reality.
Another use is in the public scene when the Bottom may be afraid of seeming to be soft. A phrase such as "I'm there," or even "harder, Sir," may be used to ask the Top to start the cooling down.
There are several variations on the safe word concept. One of these is to use several words to indicate the level of stress. Some BDSMers use "mercy" to mean, lighten up, and "great mercy" to stop the scene, at least for a while. Another common system is to use "green" for keep going, "yellow" for lighten the action, "orange" for rest a while, "blue" for please change to a new activity and "red" for stop completely.
When the Bottom is gagged or hooded a signal must be used. This can be an agreed movement, e.g. lifting a single finger, or a sound such as a triple grunt. Another signal is for the Bottom to drop a bell or weight. Sometimes communication is maintained by the Top giving the Bottom two squeezes, which asks for two squeezes in reply to indicate that there is no problem. This is known as a squeeze signal.
There are a few scenes that have built-in safe words. Among these is the interrogation (or torture) scene and scenes in which the Bottom has control, e.g. a heavy caning scene in which the Bottom says "ready" to ask for the next stroke.
Warning: if the Bottom reaches the agony stage he or she may not be able to remember even his or her name and may not be able to speak or signal. The Bottom may also become unconscious without it being obvious. If in doubt - CHECK. The availability of a safe word does not guarantee that the Top will respect it. For heavier BDSM the word least likely to be forgotten is the forename of the Bottom. The Bottom should be required to say the name out loud so that the Top can learn to recognise the sound (e.g. it may be hard to recognise a grunted Al if the name is known as Albert). Note that even if a Bottom has not used a safe word it does not justify a Top doing things that the Bottom may later regret.
Saint Andrew's cross. Playroom furniture in the form of a large X-shaped cross to which a person may be attached.
S & M = BDSM, also rarely, in advertisements, slave and Master or Mistress.
Salt. Coarse salt can be used as a gentle abrasive. Especially useful for cock abrasion if placed in a condom over the cock since as it dissolves it also stings. See Cock torture.
Sandpaper. Sandpaper, emery paper or glass paper, usually fine grade, sometimes in the form of an emery board, may be used to abrade erogenous zones, especially tits or ball-bag, either to increase their sensitivity or as stimulation. See Abrasion.
Scaffold = Gibbet.
Scaffolding = Framework.
Scalpel. A sterile surgical scalpel is the ideal instrument for cutting or scarification. Warning: once opened and touched, or used, a scalpel is no longer sterile. Remember a scalpel is sharper than any normal knife. Use and dispose of scalpels with extreme care.
Scarfing. A North American term for partial strangulation (with a scarf?) during sex. Warning: extremely dangerous. See Breath control.
Scarring. Correct cutting and heavy caning will usually leave faint marks. Cutting with blunt instruments and burning may leave serious scars. Scaring should not be part of BDSM and should never be risked without the full and aware consent of the Bottom.
Scarifying. Cutting in order to leave intentional scars. Sometimes used as an alternative to tattooing. In many countries scarification is a recognised practice for body ornamentation.
Scat. Play involving shit. The term should be extended to cover play with imitation shit, e.g. chocolate cake with a drop of butyric acid to produce the required smell. It is of interest to note the instruction to Ezekiel (4:12) "and thou shalt eat it as barley cakes and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight." Warning: shit can cause infection by hepatitis (against which inoculation is available) as well as intestinal infections. Some dangers may be lessened by letting the Bottom play only with his or her own shit. See also enema.
Scene. 1. "A scene" is a coherent set of BDSM activities e.g. a punishment scene may involve sentencing, bondage, and punishment. 2. "The scene" often refers to the BDSM or gay community, especially the club community. See also Fetish Scene.
Scenario = Scene 1.
School scene. A BDSM fantasy scene based on school life, often with participants playing the roles of schoolmaster or mistress and schoolboy or girl. See also Age play.
Scourge. A knotted cat-o'-nine-tails. See Cat-o'-nine-tails. It is of interest that the only thing cited in the Bible (John II) as being made by Jesus is a "scourge of small cords."
Scrotal infusion. Injection of normal saline solution into the ball bag until it is fully expanded. Warning: danger of infection. Precautions must be taken to ensure sterile conditions.
Sensory deprivation. A practice in which sight, hearing, taste, smell and feel are limited, usually by hooding and suspension. One or the results is an increased susceptibility to what is felt or seen when the deprivation ends. Warning: sensory deprivation, especially for periods longer than 30mins, can cause psychological problems.
Sensory overloading. This occurs when the mind is overloaded with information with the result that the mind partially shuts down. Such a situation may occur when conflicting instructions are given or when the Bottom is flooded with a variety of physical and other stimulations. It is said to be one of the techniques of brain washing but this should never be the aim of BDSM play. Nevertheless sensory overloading may contribute to scenes such as verbal abuse scenes and domination scenes and make it easier for the willing Bottom to achieve the required sense of submissiveness. Warning: like the related sensory deprivation, long term sensory overloading can cause psychological problems.
Serpent's tongue. A tawse with two thongs each of which comes to a point.
Servicing. Sometimes a slave may be required to service a Master or Mistress in both sexual and non-sexual ways.
Session. Often refers to a scene with a professional dominant.
Sex magic. 1. An alternative explanation of the meaning of BDSM. It implies sexual BDSM. 2. Magical practices to obtain sex. Not part of BDSM. 3. Magical practices that include the sex act. Not part of BDSM.
Sexualised pain. Pain that is interpreted as pleasure. See Pain.
Sex torture. A term often used for play in which the top sexually stimulates the Bottom while delaying the climax that the Bottom desires. A chastity belt may be used or simply an order not to touch the genitals.
Sexual BDSM. BDSM in which the main purpose is to increase sexual pleasure.
Shackles. Restraints, usually of metal.
Shaving. 1. Shaving of the body done for convenience, e.g. to stop clips slipping off or for aesthetic reasons. When shaving the body it is usually convenient to use a hair clipper to remove the long hairs. If a safety razor is used, then shaving oil, rather than shaving cream or soap, makes it easier to see what is being done. 2. Mock forced shaving of the whole body or selected areas, e.g. pubic area or ball-bag, may form part of BDSM activities. Warning: shaving may transmit skin disease and if cuts occur carries the risk of transmitting other diseases. All equipment should be sterile and only used for one person. A cut-throat razor should only be used by an experienced and careful user. Special care should be taken to ensure the safety of any mains electrical equipment. Sometimes instead of real shaving blindfolding and mock shaving with a credit card may be sufficient. The eyebrows are extremely slow to regrow.
Sheath. 1. A cover to restrict the cock. 2. = condom.
Shock. 1. Clinical shock. This is extremely rare in BDSM situations. It is a serious medical condition that usually follows wounding, extreme fear or agony. The person may be unresponsive and feel weak and thirsty, the body may be cold and clammy and the breathing rapid and shallow possibly with sighing and the pulse is weak. The treatment is to lay the person down with feet raised about 30cm, reassure and give sips of a warm sweetened non-alcoholic drink. If recovery is not immediate and the pulse is weak seek medical help. 2. Psychological shock. A feeling of weakness and disorientation that may follow an accident, unexpected event or panic. Note that it can affect both the Top and the Bottom. Rest and reassurance are probably the best treatment.
Signal whip. A general term for single-thong plaited-leather whips whose purpose is to crack and thus signal cattle to turn away from the sound. Often used in the narrower sense of a short whip, lacking a stock, i.e. handle, possibly 1.2m long and weighted with lead shot. If used for whipping the cracker should be removed and possibly replaced by a few short lengths of leather. It should be used with great care. Warning: any signal whip with a cracker will cut the skin if cracked and produce bruising otherwise.
Silk. A fetish material either worn or used for bondage.
Slapping. Hitting with the open hand, possibly gloved, anywhere but on the arse, when it is called spanking. Most parts of a person can be slapped except the ears and eyes but care is needed when slapping the face or the balls.
When slapping the face the head should be steadied with the other hand to avoid damage to the neck. The balls can only be slapped gently. One technique is for the Top to stand behind the Bottom, lift the Bottom's balls with the open left hand, and then replace it quickly with the open right hand at the same time slapping upwards.
Safe areas for slapping are the tits, stomach, sides of the chest under the lifted arms, stomach and the inside of the thighs. Warning: slapping the ears can cause concussion and permanent deafness. A hard slap to the unsupported face can cause unconsciousness and serious neck damage. Slapper. 1. A leather implement with two flaps, which hit together on use producing a slapping sound. 2. A leather paddle which may be shaped like a hand.
Slave. 1. A BDSM Bottom. 2. One of the characters in a Master or Mistress & slave scene. 3. One who is trained by a partner as a submissive. A slave in this sense only wishes to serve his or her Master and thus does not control the scene. In this way a slave differs from a Bottom.. Slave Auction = Auction. Slave collar. A collar, usually of leather, often worn by a slave. Slave training scene. A scene in which a Master or Mistress trains a subject to be fully submissive. This may take at least two forms. In one a willing slave is taught to obey instructions rather like an army recruit. Instruction may include the correct replies to questions, immediate assumption of standard positions and ways of satisfying the personal needs of the Master or Mistress. In the other a slave who appears to be reluctant to obey orders is taught his or her position as a slave.
Sleep deprivation. Depriving a person of sleep is a technique common in real interrogation but rare in BDSM. It may however occur accidentally when a Bottom has a series of Tops. Warning: extended lack of sleep can produce an effect similar to drunkenness and with the same risks. It can also result in hallucinations and occasionally more serious mental effects.
Sleep sack. Usually a heavy leather, or other material, body shaped bag designed to fit tightly round a person and prevent escape. The bag will usually have pockets for the arms and means of tightening around the body. It may also be designed to allow for suspension. See also Body bag. Warning: heat stroke may occur if the room is hot or the Bottom struggles. Care is needed not to restrict chest movement and thus breathing.
Sling. A hanging cradle of leather or leather straps often used to support a person during fist fucking.
SM = BDSM.
Smacking = Spanking.
Smart-assed masochist. A Bottom who provokes the Top to provide more pain. See Stroppy Bottom.
Snap. A metal oval shaped ring with a hinged side for attaching ropes, chains or rings to each other. When using a snap for suspension ensure that it has sufficient strength. It is safer, though not cheaper, to use climbing karabiners. See Panic snap.
Snapping. Snapping a whip or belt is throwing it forward then suddenly pulling it back. If done with sufficient skill using a suitable whip with a cracker the end of the whip may reach supersonic speed and thus crack, see Cracking. Done with an implement without a cracker it may, used with care, be used as a flagellation technique.
Social Worker. A term sometimes used for a person who does BDSM out of kindness with a person who he or she does not really like.
Soumis. A French term for a Bottom of the male sex.
Soumise. A French term for a Bottom of the female sex.
Sounding. Using a urethral sound. See Urethral sound.
Spanker. 1. One who spanks. 2. A leather paddle.
Spanking. Hitting on the arse, usually with the hand, but sometimes with a paddle. Spanking may be used as a mild punishment. Sometimes spanking forms the only BDSM activity. It is also often the major activity in various popular scenes such as the Father-son scene. The technique of spanking is variable but many spankers find that the cupped hand striking upwards at the lower part of the bare arse is particularly appreciated. When the spanking is heavier gloves may be worn to protect the Top’s hands.
Among the traditional positions for the Bottom are the following. Over the lap: the Bottom lies well over the lap, head to left, arse over the right thigh. The Top's right knee may be slightly raised, and the Bottom is held in place either with the left hand on the Bottom's far waist and the elbow between the shoulder blades or the hand in the middle of the back. Over the knee: the Bottom lies over the left knee with the legs trapped by the Top's right leg. Other positions are: hands on ankles (uncomfortable) or knees; over a desk, stool or horse; lying on a bed; kneeling on the seat of a chair with the body on the back; kneeling on the floor or over a wide stool with the Top standing astride.
Spanish collar. A metal collar with long spikes on the outside, which makes it impossible for the wearer to lie down or rest. Sometimes it also has small spikes on the inside.
Spanner. The word "Spanner" is destined to attain the same significance to BDSMers as Stonewall has to gays and lesbians in general.
In about 1987 the UK police started Operation Spanner. In 1991 sixteen men were charged with assault. There was ample evidence that all the acts complained of had been with the consent of those involved and that there were no injuries, which required medical treatment. The men had believed that they had acted within the law. Regardless of this all the men charged, except one who claimed diplomatic immunity, were convicted. They were given sentences, which varied, from one year’s suspended imprisonment to four and a half years in prison. The trial resulted in general criticism of the Police and the Law by the better newspapers and by independent lawyers. An action group, Countdown on Spanner, was formed with Kellan Farshea as its founded and leading mover. Support for the imprisoned men grew. Appeals to the High Court and the House of Lords both failed although the sentences were drastically reduced. In 1994 the Law Commission began considering the problem of consent to assault. In 1995 the European Commission of Human Rights found against the UK government. The case was then taken to the European Court of Human Rights who in 1997 decided that, in view of the large number of people involved, the right to privacy had not been infringed (the main basis of the appeal) and also that Governments had a right to take action to protect the health of their citizens.
Despite this result and despite continuing harassment by some police, much to the embarrassment of others, the effect has been to bring the BDSM community together and force it to define its philosophy and defend both its sexuality and its activities.
Countdown to Spanner has now ceased as a group and has been replaced by the BDSM Pride Organisation.
Speculum. A piece of medical equipment of stainless steel used to spread the arsehole, the labia or the foreskin. It may be used in medical and other similar scenes. Warning: danger of transmission of hepatitis, danger of internal damage.
Spinning. A person in suspension may be spun round as a punishment. Warning: this can be a heavy scene.
Spiritual BDSM. A type of BDSM in which the main aim is, at the lower level, lifting to an altered state and at the highest the production an indescribable state of peace, well-being and even ecstasy. Among the techniques that have been used are fist fucking, long-term bondage, mummification, cutting, piercing, wearing tit-clamps, discomfort and beating. It is to be noted that not all involve pain. Success is dependent on careful preparation and execution. The desired result of spiritual BDSM can seldom be attained quickly. For beating it has been said that it takes at least twenty minutes.
Spiritual Master. The term suggested for the person leading a Postulant to higher levels in spiritual BDSM.
Spiritualised pain. Pain received during BDSM or spiritual activity that is mentally transformed into pleasure. In BDSM pain is commonly transformed into or produces pleasure. The type of pleasure may be called pain pleasure. An essay on Spiritualised Pain is given separately.
Splints. Medical splints, especially inflatable splints, may be used for mummification.
Spread-eagle. A bondage position in which the legs and arms are fixed in a fully extended position. Warning: over-extension can cause serious cramp.
Spreader. 1. = speculum. 2. = spreader bar.
Spreader bar. A bar with rings near its ends used to hold cuffed hands or legs apart. Some spreader bars are extendible. The most comfortable distance apart for feet is 60 to 75cm.
Squeeze signal. A silent signalling system to replace a safeword and ensure that everything is all right. The Top squeezes the Bottom's hand twice. If there is no problem the Bottom returns the two squeezes.
Stapling. A surgical stapler resembling an office stapler may be used in BDSM play. The prongs are about 3mm long and curved to prevent removal. A surgical staple remover is needed for their removal. The edge of the ball bag may be stapled to the legs, the outer labia lips stapled together or the edges of the cock to the abdomen. Warning: danger of infection.
Stars = Diamonds.
Stiletto heels. Shoes with stiletto heels may be an item of fetish clothing.
Stimulation. The mild pain produced by spanking, wax, etc. or the effect of touching or tickling.
Sting. The feel of being hit by an instrument such as a thin cane.
Stinging nettle. See Plants.
Stirrups. Stirrups may be used to hold the feet or legs in position especially when the Bottom is on a saddle or sling.
Stocks. Playroom furniture designed to hold the feet, and occasionally the hands, at ground level. See also Leg stocks, Breast stocks, and Ball stocks.
Stockwhip. One of the longer of the single-thong plaited- leather signal whips. It has a stock or handle to which the plaited whip is attached. Sometimes called a target whip. Only to be used to crack and even then it needs considerable care to avoid accidental damage to people nearby.
Stonnicky. A short length of rope with a Matthew Walker knot in the end used in the 19c for informal punishment in the British navy. The term may later have been applied to a short cane.
Stopword = Safe word.
Strait-jacket. A normal medical strait-jacket or a specially made leather form may be used in bondage.
Straight. 1. A heterosexual. 2. A person who does not do BDSM activities. Straight BDSM. BDSM between heterosexuals. Straight time. A period before, in the middle of or at the end of a BDSM session used for other than BDSM activities.
Strangulation. Any technique that involves restriction round the Bottom's neck. Warning: extremely dangerous. Pressure on the sides of the neck can stimulate the vagus nerve and cause heart stoppage. This may happen more easily if the Bottom has taken poppers, Viagra or alcohol. Damage to the throat may occur. See also Breath control.
Strap. 1. Straps may be used for restriction during bondage. 2. A strap, sometimes wider than a belt and attached to a handle, may be used for whipping. The term includes the tawse. Strap cage. A circular cage formed from a net of straps. When suspended it tightens round the occupant. Strapping. 1. Whipping with a strap. There are two basic approaches. The strap may be doubled and used in the same way as the tawse or it may be used single as a whip. 2. Binding, especially of the ball-bag.
Strip search scene. A fantasy scene based on the type of strip search used by customs officers, police, etc. The subject may be pushed into the hands-against-the-wall-feet-apart position and patted down. Any weapons are removed. The subject is then made to empty all pockets and place the contents on a table for examination. The subject is then made to strip naked and to place all clothes neatly on the table. While these are being checked and listed the subject stands, naked with hands behind head, in the centre of the room. A full body search, including all hair and all body openings, then follows. The search may lead to interrogation or even mock torture. Warning: care should be taken not to risk the transfer of bacteria between body openings.
Stripping. Completely removing one's own or some one else's clothes. A preliminary to many BDSM activities and often done as a cabaret act.
Stroppy Bottom. A Bottom who resists the domination of the Top. At the least extreme level the Bottom may merely wish to be assured that the Top is in control. A sharp word or a firm grip may be sufficient to satisfy him or her. At a more serious level the Bottom may actually put up a fight. This leaves the Top two choices: either to accept the challenge and risk losing and being Topped or else telling the Bottom to behave or get out.
Submissive. A Bottom, especially one in humiliation or obedience scenes. Submissive Top. A Top who acts under the instructions of the Bottom.
Sucker fish = Tit sucker.
Sucking. Giving a blow job but not necessarily to completion. Sucking off. Giving a blow job.
Surgeon's knot. A non-slip knot based on the reef knot but starting with a double twist, i.e. left over right, left over right, right over left and sometimes right over left again.
Surrender = Going under.
Suspending. Suspending a person above the ground is common during Bondage. See also Inversion, Flying, Foot suspension, Suspension harness, Wrist suspension, and Partial suspension. Warning: suspension is dangerous unless carried out by an experienced person. Particular care must be taken that the support will carry several times the expected weight and that ropes etc. do not cut off the circulation or breathing.
Suspension cuffs. Wrist cuffs designed for suspension. There are several designs of varying efficiency but because the human hand, wrist and arms are not designed for suspension none can safely be used for long periods. Suspension harness. A full body harness, usually leather, designed to enable the wearer to be suspended vertically or, sometimes, horizontally. Suspension harnesses are seldom fully satisfactory. The most comfortable for vertical or near vertical suspension are those in which the person is supported by wide padded straps under the thighs. Alternatives to harnesses made for BDSM are climbing and parachute harnesses.
Sweet spot. 1. The area just above the crease between the arse and the upper thigh. Said to be the area of greatest sensitivity for beating. 2. The area near the frenum on the underside of the head of the cock. Said to be the area of greatest sensitivity for tonguing.
Swishing. An out of date public-school term for birching.
Switch. 1. A thin branch or stick, usually of green i.e. freshly cut wood, used for whipping. 2. A person who sometimes acts as a Top and sometimes as a Bottom. Switching. Hitting with a switch, or sometimes, other implement.
Symbolic bondage = Psychological bondage.
T-Bar. A post about one metre high surmounted by a padded crossbar over which a person may be bent and secured.T-strap. A ball harness in the shape of the letter T.
Table. Playroom furniture in the form or a table to which a person may be attached. See Caning.
Taker = Bottom.
Tantric BDSM. Tantric Hinduism and Buddhism are concerned with the energy between sexual opposites. One of the forms of meditation involves having carefully controlled ritual sex. Tantric BDSM is a term sometimes used loosely to meaning spiritual BDSM.
Tapes. See Films and Videos and also Noise.
Target whip = Stockwhip.
Tattoo. Tattoos on almost any part of the body are common among BDSMers. There are two basic types: a. Traditional, with outlines in black filled with colour and consisting of a name or picture. b. Tribal, usually in solid black forming a pattern. Warning: tattooing, unless done by an expert is dangerous. Tattoos, even when said to be temporary, should be considered as permanent and tattooing of the face or with names is obviously unwise.
Tawes = Tawse.
Tawse A leather whipping strap with the end divided into two or three tongues. It is said to be derived from the Roman thong or ferula. The tawse was once the standard instrument of punishment used in Scots, Northern Irish and North American schools, and in the home. The word is archaic (plural of the Gaelic taw, a thong) and mainly used in England. In Scotland it is called the strap or the belt. In schools it is mainly used on the hands, parallel to the fingers, but occasionally on the arse. When the term "double" is used it refers to both hands being held out, one to support the other. In BDSM it is commonly used on the bare arse. It may be used at full length or with the handle part wrapped round the user’s hand.
Technical terms. There are technical terms for most sexual activities. These tend to be used in scientific papers, the criminal court and the press but are often misleading since they commonly give a very different and less accurate impression of the activity than the vernacular terms.
Temperature play. Play involving the use of heat or cold. The heat may be supplied by a cigar, candle wax, oil, hair drier or hotpack; the cold by ice, frozen food, a coldpack or a cold spray. Temperature play is often essentially a head trip.TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulator). Medical equipment for removing pain by electrical stimulation of the nerves. It produces low amperage current at about 100 volts. Used on sensitive parts of the body it can produce moderate pain. Warning: not to be used on the head.
Terror play. An extreme form of Head trip.
Thai beads. Beads on a cord for insertion into the arsehole or vagina.
Thigh boots. Thigh boots, usually in shiny leather, may be an item of fetish clothing.
Thong. A thin length of leather like a shoelace.
Thrashing. Heavy flagellation. See Beating.
Three-point tie. The tits and the foreskin are joined with thread forming an inverted triangle. In the heavier version all three are pierced. In the lighter version either tit-clamps or tit rings and a cock ring is used.
Thud. The feel of being hit by an instrument such as a truncheon.
Thumbcuffs. Cuffs for the thumbs. Metal thumbcuffs should be double locking but even then are dangerous. Warning: the dangers are similar to those associated with handcuffs but far more serious. Experiments have shown that when tightened sufficiently to stop escape the blood flow is almost always stopped.
Tickling. This may be used as stimulation especially in a abrasion scene. Tickling of the soles of the feet can produce extreme mental distress. Warning: tickling can be a very heavy scene. See Abrasion.
Tie, plastic. A permanent plastic tie may be used instead of handcuffs. Warning: circulation may be stopped if the tie is too tight. Scissors to remove the tie must be available.
Time play. Deliberate distortion of time during a long-term confinement scene. Usually time passed is exaggerated.
Time out. A period of rest within a scene or separating two scenes. Sometimes a stopword may be used to call time out.
Tingler = Electro-stimulator.
Tit. The nipple, an erogenous zone often the site for pinching, heating, chemical stimulation or gentle beating. Tit clamp. A clamp, often like a spring clothes peg, for attaching to the tit. Tit clamps are usually put on slightly behind the tit by pulling the tit forward before clamping. Massaging the tit before applying the clamp can lessen the pain. Pain on removal can be heavy and again massage is usual. See Clover clamp, Tit screw. Tit ring. A ring which is worn through a pierced tit, common among BDSMers. Warning: do not pull on a ring unless it is at least 1.4mm thick. See also Piercing. Tit screw. A screw clamp used to compress the tit. Tit sucker. A thimble of rubber squeezed and placed over the tit. The original form was meant for treating snake or insect bites but it has been found that the rubber ends for walking sticks are also effective. It may be used to enlarge the tits or provide mild stimulation. Tit torture. The general term for stimulation of the tits. A list of some of the equipment available for tit torture is given below.
Toilet training = Scat.
Tongue. To engage in tonguing. Tonguing. 1. Stimulating by inserting the tongue into the arsehole (Warning: danger of infection by hepatitis and intestinal infections) or vagina. 2. Licking the genitals, especially the underside of the cock.
Tongue gag. A gag roughly in the shape of a tongue.
Tongue washing = Licking.
Top. The person giving punishment or humiliation or doing bondage, etc. Regardless of the illusion the Top is not often the person actually controlling the scene, that is usually done by the Bottom. The term is not suitable for spiritual BDSM where Ka-See-Ka or Spiritual Master is preferable. Top drop. The feeling of depression which a Top may be felt after a scene which failed to satisfy the Top's needs. Topping. Taking the part of a Top. Topman = Top. Topman's knot. A quick release knot used, for instance, to tie an arm to the horizontal bar of a cross. Top's disease. The affliction of a Top who grows to genuinely believe he or she is really superior. Top space. To be in Top space is to be entirely absorbed in being a Top.
Top/bottom relationship. One of the basic BDSM relationships. In such a relationship the Bottom wants a top to treat him or her in a way that satisfies his or her needs. The Top may find pleasure in satisfying those needs. Sex may not be important. Fantasy scenes may simply be excuses for punishment such as Schoolmaster-child, Torturer-prisoner. Most Bottoms can remember an interest in the subject from a very early age.
Torture. 1. A term used in BDSM for the giving of pain, usually excluding flagellation, with the consent of the recipient, for the purpose of giving both the recipient and the giver pleasure. It is a word used of even very minor pain. 2. The giving of pain without the consent of the recipient and without the intention of bringing pleasure. According to Amnesty International torture is still practised in most of the worlds major countries. Actual torture is not part of BDSM. however the pretence of torture may form part of a fantasy scene. Torture chamber. 1. = playroom. 2. A room designed for BDSM fantasy scenes such as the inquisition scene. Torture scene. A scene involving mock torture.
Touch. Stimulation by touching is basic to BDSM. It may be the touch of the hand, body, lips, tongue, hair, leather, rubber, plastic or electrodes and vary from feather light through massage to heavy.
Toy. Any piece of equipment used in sex or in a BDSM scene. Especially used for small pieces of equipment such as tit clamps or dildos. Toy whore. A person who is more interested in collecting BDSM toys that in playing with them.
Training. Domination with punishment. Used as a code word in contact ads.
Tramlines. The two parallel lines that result from the stroke of a cane or similar instrument.
Trammel. An old work for shackle.
Transport belt. A heavy belt either with handcuffs attached or with rings to which they can be attached. It is designed to aid in the transport of prisoners.
Trap = Carriage.
Trestle. A trestle may be used as a horse, the Bottom either bent over it or lying along the length.
Triangle. A triangular frame, like the support for a school easel, to which a person may be attached for punishment.
Truncheon. A truncheon, often in the style of a modern or historic police truncheon, usually of wood but sometimes of hard rubber, may be used in police and other scene. It may be used for gentle hitting or as a dildo. Warning: used for hitting it produced bruising and little pain. Need extreme care in use. Suitable only for the arse and possibly thighs. As a dildo it also need extreme care.
Trussing. Bondage, usually with rope, involving tying of limbs together. See Hog-tied, etc. Warning: for dangers see Bondage.
Trust. The trust of the Bottom in the Top, and to a lesser extent vice versa, is an essential factor in BDSM and it must never be betrayed. See also Fear and Danger.
Ultraviolet wand = Violet wand.
Uniform. The wearing of uniforms is common in many BDSM fantasy scenes. See Military, School, Monastery, etc.
Upper body harness. A harness for the chest.
Up the stairs and down. A pattern of caning: one stroke, two quick strokes, three quick strokes ... up to six strokes and then down again to one.
Urethral sound. Medical equipment in the form of a stainless steel rod which may be inserted into the piss-hole. Warning: infection is common and may be serious. The equipment must be sterile before use and should not be inserted more than 5cm.
Urtication. Using stinging nettles on the body as a sex stimulant. A practice recorded as far back as Roman times. See Plants.
Vacuum bag. A simple rectangular plastic bag, designed to cover a person, from which the air may be extracted using a vacuum cleaner. Provision must be made for the person to breathe i.e., through a breathing tube.
Vanilla sex. A term used by BDSMers for sex other than BDSM sex.
Vampire games. Fantasy scenes in which one of the characters is a vampire. They may involve real or artificial blood.
Vampire glove. A pinpricked glove.
Velcro. Some modern restraints, especially medical restraints, use Velcro fastening instead of buckles or locks.
Verbal abuse. Comments of an insulting or humiliating nature are common during humiliation scenes. Care should be taken not to use terms which may create undesired stress e.g. it is unwise to call a fat person "obese" unless this is known to be safe. Following verbal abuse the Bottom may need to be comforted and assured that the words used were not really intended.
Viagra: a product reported to make erection easier after the usual foreplay. It also lowers the blood pressure so Tops should be careful when Bottoms have taken it until its dangers are better known. Warning: use of poppers after taking Viagra is extremely dangerous and has been known to result in death. Strangulation or breath control after taking Viagra is extremely dangerous.
Vibrator. A vibrating dildo or massager. Vibrators may be general purpose and used to stimulate any part of the body or be in the form of a ring to encircle the cock, or shaped to be placed in the arsehole or vagina. They may also be in a form in which the whole unit vibrates or designed so that one part is held still while the other part vibrates. The latter gives stronger vibrations. Warning: care must be taken that any vibrator that is used inside the body can be properly cleaned and cannot fall apart. It is usually wise to cover a vibrator with a clean condom.
Violence. Actual violence is not part of BDSM although simulated or threatened violence may occur in some BDSM scenes.
Violet wand. An ultraviolet lamp which when touched gives high voltage but very low current electrical stimulation. Originally designed to stimulate the skin, e.g. to encourage hair growth. Warning: do not use near the face or on metal piercing ornaments.
Virgin = BDSM Virgin. Virgin rapture. The feeling, common to beginners in BDSM, that BDSM is the only worthwhile activity in their lives. It may be followed after a period of weeks or years by feelings of depression.
Virtual BDSM = Internet BDSM.
Vixen = Mistress.
Vomiting = Roman showers.
Voyeur. One who obtains pleasure by watching sexual or BDSM activities. Voyeurism. In BDSM terms it is obtaining pleasure from watching BDSM activities. It is probably more common than is generally realised.
Wannabe. A person who claims to be a Top but has neither the knowledge nor skills required. Warning: such people are dangerous.
Wand = Violet wand.
Wand of Venus = Birch rod.
Wanking = Jerking off.
Wanger = Paddle.
Warming up. 1. Before any energetic BDSM, as before any exercise, it is necessary to warm up in order to avoid strains and injuries. 2. Light punishment used as a preliminary to heavier punishment, e.g. spanking may be used to warm up a person before caning. Such warming up makes the main punishment easier to absorb.
Wartenburg wheel. A small spiked wheel used originally for neurological testing but also used in abrasion scenes. See also Hedgehog, Pricker wheel.
Water sports. Activities involving urine, sometimes includes enemas. See also Piss Scene.
Wax. Dripping of the wax from a lighted candle onto bare skin can be very exciting. The 16th century nun, St. Pazzi, reportedly favoured it. Wax from either cheap domestic candles or from shabat candles (as used in Jewish ceremonies) does not usually produce burns but care must be taken since people vary considerably in their sensitivity to heat. Different parts of the body also vary in sensitivity; the tits, arsehole, inner thighs and genitals being particularly sensitive. It is wise to begin with single drops from a height of at least 30cm on a less sensitive part of the body. If the Bottom shows no sign of burning the scene can be intensified by:
1. Bringing the candle closer
2. Allowing the wax to fall as a stream
3. Moving to more sensitive areas.
For many people the scene becomes heavier if they are blindfolded and restricted. Removal of the wax is made easier if the area onto which the wax will be dripped is first covered with a thin layer of baby oil. For those who desire more than the wax of a single candle a number of candles can be tied together or a large candle with a number of wicks can be made. Warm oil may also be used. Warning: there is a risk of burns if the candle contains plastic, excess water, any spangles or more than the minimum quantity of beeswax. Colouring material may produce irritation. Long burning candles should not be used as they are too hot and may contain irritants. Test on yourself to check the temperature. Test on the inner arm of the Bottom to check for allergic reaction. Due to the risk from fire any bondage used must be quick-release, a fire extinguisher should be present and burn treatment available.Weapon. Any piece of equipment used for hitting a person, e.g. cane, tawse, whip, belt.
Weight training. Play in which weights are suspended from tit clamps, permanent or temporary piercings, a ball stretcher or attached to the labia or cock. The aim may be to actually stretch a part of the body, to increase pain or as part of a competition. Warning: care should be taken not to do damage. Piercings can be pulled out and the balls are easily injured. Weights should never be dropped.
Welt. The term for the mark left by single strokes of a cane or whip.
Whip. 1. An instrument, often of leather, used to inflict punishment. See Birch, Cane, Cat-o'-nine-tails, Riding crop, Tawse, etc.
Some of the many types of whip are listed below.
a) Single thong
Cane, hunting crop, riding crop, lathi,
Carriage whip, bullwhip, overseer's whip, signal whip, stockwhip, sjambok
Strap, slapper, bull's pizzle, rubber hose
Bosun's whip
Switch
Paddle, slipper
Rod, truncheon
b) Multiple thongCat, flogger, martinet
Knout, scourge
Tawse
Birch
Whisk
Doubled strap, slapstick
Quirt
White lightning. A white fibreglass or resin cane.Willy. A child's term for the cock.
Wooden horse = Horse.
Woodshed discipline. Punishment of the type that used to be given in a woodshed, usually spanking.
Worship. Revering the body, part of the body or the person of a Top. It may involve washing, massage, kissing, grooming, and similar activities.
Wrapping. 1. A term used when a whip or similar weapon curls round the body. It is usually both unpleasant and leaves marks. 2. Mummification using bandages of rubber, cloth, or adhesive tape over clingfilm.
Wrestling. This may be part of a BDSM scene either with wrestling as the scene itself or a game.
Wrist suspension. Suspending by the wrists using specially padded wrist cuffs. Even when using these, great care is needed. Unless a body harness also supports the person, he or she can seldom be suspended for more than a short period. Warning: never use handcuffs or rope for wrist suspension. Wrist suspension can cause dislocation of the arms and fainting. See also dangers associated with bondage.
X-frame = St. Andrew's cross.
Yellow. 1. As a safe word yellow means lighten the action. 2. In the handkerchief code it means water sports. See Handkerchief code.
Yielding. A code word for Submissive used in contact ads.
Yoke. A metal or wooden bar which holds the neck and wrists. Warning: a person wearing a yoke should not be allowed to stand unless either the person or the yoke is supported.
Y-piece. A Y-shaped strap joining two tit clamps to a cock ring.
Zipper. A number of clothes pegs attached together by a cord so that after fixing to the body they may be pulled off in a way similar to opening a zipper