Advice
for the novice submissive
Alright, here you are, you have found what is within you, realized that you are not an anomaly; You're not some freak. There is a name for it. You are a submissive. You are ready to drop to your knees, lower your eyes and bow your head forward in anticipation of a collar. WHOA there... slow down and take time to figure out what it is you want before you feel that collar close around your throat (either literally or figuratively)
Your submission...
First off, throughout everything you read and everyone you talk to about BDSM or D/s, remember one thing-- Your submission is unique unto you. If you do much research you will undoubtedly find lists of *what a submissive is* or *traits of a submissive*. Keep in mind that these are qualitites that enhance who you are. Change is good, personal growth is good, evolution of one's inner being...also good. Pretending to be something or someone you're not in order to fulfill someone else's real or imagined "ideal"? A recipe for heartache and disaster. A quote most of U/us are familiar with says it concisely, "To thine own self be true". The Person who will be your Dom/me was attracted to who you are, it's as simple as that.
The Basic Foundation for a D/s relationship, The Four Pillars:
Trust...
One of the most basic components in the foundation of any relationship is trust. How can you give yourself to another person (even in the most vanilla exchange) if you cannot trust them? It's your responsibility to cultivate that trust......and to be wise in who you put your trust in.
Honesty...
Honesty not only with your Dom, but with yourself. To have a realistic acceptance of who you are and your limits. Honesty is also vital to the safety of you AND your Dom. The physical and mental wellbeing of both could be in jeopardy in a case where the sub wasn't honest about his or her limits, or held back his or her feelings about *headspace* at any given time.
Love...
Love isn't something anyone can easily define, but it is an integral part in any relationship. Sure, there are those involved in BDSM or D/s just for the kink of it and love has little to nothing to do with it, but we aren't really directing this at them. Love, in it's purest form is a vital emotion that can strengthen and deepen your relationship.
Respect...
Respect is a concept that is deceptively simple, yet touches every aspect of our lives. In some ways, respect is the glue that holds this lifestyle together. Honor, courtesy, tolerance and acceptance are all facets of that respect. A point to make here is that not dropping to your knees online or realtime for any Dom, Dick or Harry is a matter of self respect, respect, and safety. Self respect and self acceptance are things we all strive toward. Respect is earned. Being a sub doesn't automatically require you to be subservient to any other human being.
These four elements are the foundation of your relationship. The strength of that relationship is entirely dependant upon the cultivation and care of it's supporting elements.
Your submission is an expression of who you are. Cherish that, and accept no less from a Dominant. Take time to get to know not only Dominants, but submissives and form a network of people you can learn from, share with, and trust. You have begun a wonderous journey, one that is exciting and emotionally charged. There is one more thing for you to remember...
it's supposed to be fun, enjoy!