For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the 1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.
But some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't tried it yet and are curious. And many people are attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo and mysterious.
Often when a couple wants to venture into the world of anal sex, they discover one of two things: they aren't sure how to go about doing it, or they find out the hard way that it can be very painful.
Anal sex should NOT be painful; if it is, you are doing it wrong. There are a few things I'd like to share with you about anal sex that can turn it from a painful experience, into a wonderful sexual exploration with your partner.
First and foremost, we must address the issue of sexually transmitted diseases. If you are not in a monogomous, long term relationship where you have both been tested at least twice over the period of six months for STD's, then PLEASE use a condom. I cannot stress enough how important wearing a condom is when engaging in any kind of risky sex, especially anal sex. Now with that out of the way, we can continue with the advice.
HOW-TO: The Details
Lubricant: The first key to having successful anal sex is lubricant. A popular lubricant is KY-Jelly, but sex stores offer a wide variety of lubricants. Make sure you get a water-based lubricant that is COMPATIBLE with condoms. Oil based lubricants contain very small particles that break down condoms and cause tiny tears in the latex that may not be visible to the human eye (but you can bet the germs could get through!).
Patience: The second key to great anal sex is patience. You cannot slick on some lubricant and suddenly expect to be ramming things into your partner's ass. There are two muscles that control the 'door' to your partners bottom, so to speak. The outer muscle can be controlled voluntarily. Whether your partner is relaxed or not, they should be able to will this muscle to relax. The second muscle however, is controlled by reflex. It has a mind of its own. If your partner is not relaxed, this muscle is NOT going to open up for anything. This is where patience comes in.
Getting started: Anal sex is something that you have to work up to. Start by laying with your partner and simply exploring. Use some lubricant and use a finger to simply caress their anus. After awhile, ask them if they are comfortable with continuing further, and if so, slide your finger very SLOWLY inside. Doing this slowly is the key, and listen to your partner if they tell you to stop. If they do, stop what you are doing and wait (don't suddenly pull out!). If they tell you to pull out, do so slowly, and maybe wait awhile before trying again. If they give you the go ahead to continue, keep exploring with your finger gently.
From finger to dildo: When you and your partner decide that you've done enough exploring with your finger, then it's time to move onto something bigger. I wouldn't suggest jumping right into using your penis just yet. Try using a small smooth dildo. Any ridges, no matter how small, will scrape as the toy gets pushed in, so check your toys for any seams and edges. Try to find a toy that is made out of smooth moulded plastic or rubber. It might be best to use a toy that has a wide base on it. Most toys designed for anal play have a wide base to prevent the toy from disappearing inside your partner's body. If your toy does not have a base on it, just be careful to keep a good grasp on it. Remember, lubricated toys are slippery!
Bring on the penis: After you and your partner have worked for some time together with fingers and toys, you will be ready to move onto actually using a real penis. (yay!) This might be only a short time after you started exploring, or it could be several days to weeks. My partner and I spent a considerable amount of time exploring until I felt comfortable enough with going further, and believe me, it was worth the wait. When you move up to using your penis, remember to take things very slowly still. The slight anxiety from moving to something bigger could cause your partner to tighten up a bit. Apply a LOT of lube. Maybe use your fingers or a toy to get into the swing of things, and to lessen any anxieties the person might have. When you are going to actually use your penis, check with your partner first to make sure they are ready. When they give you the go ahead, take it slow. With all the lubricant, the penis will tend to "pop" right in there, so when that happens, stop moving and check with your partner if you should continue. If your partner ever tells you to stop, simply stop moving and wait until they either tell you to get out, or tell you to keep going.
Remember: An important thing to remember about the insides of a persons' ass is that it is not a straight tunnel. There are bends and curves, and you have to be gentle so that you do not bang into a 'wall'. Taking it slow and gentle is the best way to guarentee a pain free experience.
Success at last: And now, if all things have gone well, you have had a successful experience with anal sex!!! At the same time, it must be mentioned that some people might discover that they simply don't like it. At least you tried something new. If you discover that you do like it, suddenly you have a whole new world to explore.
ANAL SEX Positions
Spoons is a good starting position. Each partner lays on their side, one behind the other. This helps prevent the penetrating partner from going too fast, and allows complete control over penetration. It also brings you closer to your partner so you can judge their reaction to what you're doing.
Missionary position has the receiving partner lay on their back while the penetrating partner approaches from on top. The penetrating partner lifts up the calves or shins of the receiver, exposing the anus. This can be an especially intimate position, with both partners facing each other. The 'top' partner can masturbate the other and is open to massage and cuddling as well.
Rear entry or the 'doggie style' is the one position most people associate with anal sex. However, rear entry allows a penis or anal toy to penetrate most deeply, and may not be the best choice for the beginner. This position allows the deepest penetration and permits the receiver to better open the anus for entry. Rear entry doesn't offer the kind of intimacy or ease of communication that the other positions do, but for more advanced lovers, can offer the greatest amount of thrusting and penetration.
Full front has the woman lie on her back, drawing her knees up to her chest and over the shoulders of the man, who presses down on her face to face. You can place a pillow under the pelvis to raise it even higher, or the man can push the woman's feet over her head. This position allows for easy penetration and very deep entry.
Bending over is a favorite position is a standing one, in which both the man and the woman stand up, facing the same way, and the woman bends over at the waist, using a wall, table, or other support. This can also be done on the knees, rather than the feet, at the edge of the bed. When both partners are not of the same height at the waist, some adjustment will have to be made. This position is convenient to use outdoors. It allows easy penetration and full movement if there is something solid around to hang onto.
Stomach position has the woman lie flat on her stomach. Hips may be raised a little on a pillow if you like. This allows her to relax more and her hands are free. The man lies on top, he can also be more relaxed, and have free hands. Penetration using this method is not as easy and you are not able to thrust as deeply. The woman is rather restricted in her movements using this position.
From the stomach position, both partners can roll over on their sides, still facing the same way, with one leg drawn up. This position allows bodily relaxation plus free hands to explore and caress. Entry is easy and fairly deep with this position. Movement is somewhat limited, though vigorous thrusting is still easy once you get used to the posture.
Above position has both partners roll over on their sides, still facing the same way, with one leg drawn up. This position allows bodily relaxation plus free hands to explore and caress. Entry is easy and fairly deep with this position. Movement is somewhat limited, though vigorous thrusting is still easy once you get used to the posture.
Straddle position is great because it allows the woman to control the speed and depth of penetration. Have the man lay flat on his back on the bed, the woman then straddles him and slides her ass back to meet his hard penis. Penetration is easy in this position and entry can be deep. His hands are free to caress her breasts or even slide down to massage her clit while she slides up and down on his penis.
Butt Plugs
Tips on insertion.
A medium size butt plug is an excellent place to start, given that you've already decided that you are interested in having a plug inside you. The small size is for convincing uncertain anal virgins that it isn't the least bit bad.
A few hints: put the stopper in the sink and run warm (not more than about 95 degF hot) water into the sink; let the plug soak in the warm water for 10 minutes before you want to insert it. Time things so that you've had a bowel movement recently, so that the rectum is likely to be empty. Or take a water enema. Then put a blob of lube on one finger, and gently work it into your anus. Add another blob of lube, and work that in too. When your finger moves in and out easily and slippery-ly, take the warm plug out of the water, dry it off.
Put a big blob of lube in the palm of your hand, and then roll the plug around in your hand, until it's coated with lube from tip to the base. Kneeling on the bath mat, put your ass up in the air, face down to the floor, and reach around with your un-lubed hand and begin to work the tip into your ass. Go in an inch, pause, pull out a ways, maybe twist it 180 degrees to spread the lube, then go in further, pause, repeat. Each time it feels like it won't go in any further, hold it there, savor the bittersweet "burn" of stretching muscles. After 60-90 seconds, the muscles should relax, and you can pull back and then insert even further.
If you feel the plug "sticking", remove it, and roll it around in your still lubed hand until it's evenly coated again, then resume the insertion process. Once the widest part of the plug goes past the anal sphincter muscles, they'll clamp down on it and pull it the rest of the way inside you. At that point don't try to stop it or pull out, gently assist the plug the rest of the way in.
Once it's in, wash your hands, and enjoy the wonderful sensation of being plugged. If you're worried about it sliding out (which is only likely if you have a good sneeze or you start to cramp), wear an old tight pair of shorts to hold it in. Then go about your day! Some people find wearing a butt plug to be a sexually arousing experience, some find it to induce a strong sense of submission. Listen carefully to your body, and see how you react.
When having the plug inside you starts to become uncomfortable, or when you just want to take it out, sit on the toilet, reach behind to hold onto the flange of the plug, and use your normal bowel movement motion to expel the plug, assisting with gentle pulling. There may be a momentary discomfort, but it should slide right out. Don't worry if it takes several tries.
It's not a good idea to sleep wearing a plug. You won't be awake to feel it, so there's little benefit to you, and it will loosen your anal sphincter muscles a lot, which it will take them a commensurately long time to recover from and tighten up again. Unless, of course, this is the effect you desire. If you need to take a large lover in your ass, or wish to try anal fisting, some loosening up might be helpful
.
Also, while going overboard in the beginning isn't a problem, in general you should leave 2-3 days between "anal play" days, so that your muscles can recover. Certainly occasional binges are OK.
There is nothing wrong with liking the feel of something in your ass. And liking those sensations doesn't mean you're gay. It can be fun to have a girlfriend fuck you in the ass with a strap-on, for an interesting reversal of roles. :-)
If you are considering using food items or random household items as your first butt plug, don't. I _strongly_ recommend that you get some latex rubber plugs from your local "dirty book" store. It's much easier to clean 'em, they are less likely to have bacteria on them, and they are not going to have sharp ridges, which might scrape or damage your skin.
If you decide to insert a dildo rather than a butt plug, don't insert it _too_ deep, they tend to be longer. You'll be able to tell when it doesn't want to go in any further, don't force it. Your intestine makes a 90 degree left turn about 6 inches in, and you don't want to poke through the wall at the bend there. In practical terms, what this means is not to sit down while having an overly long object inserted. Another reason for using the latex butt plugs -- they aren't likely to be too long for you to wear, even sitting down.
Rimming is also called "analingus" and it's another way to explore the rear end. It involves licking, tonguing, and sucking the anus. Analingus is nice as a part of Around the World - kissing and tonguing the body all over. You can lick across the anus in soft, wet strokes, or encircle it, going round and around softy and slowly.
You can flick the tongue-tip rapidly, or insert it inside as far as it'll go, pushing and stroking back and forth. You can brush the lips gently over the anus, or suck hard on the anus, as if trying to draw it out. This is especially nice if combined with tongue insertion. If, while you're being rimmed, you push down and relax the anus as if shitting, it will expand a little outwards, giving more area to caress and even nibble at. It's also nice to combine analingus with tonguing and sucking at her clit. In fact, the whole area between the legs is soft and sensitive to touching and licking.
Relax and enjoy, communicate and discuss each step and each aspect with your partner, you might find you both enjoy this activity more than you ever imagined.
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