D/s Relationships
What does it take to make a D/s 24/7 relationship work?
That is probably one of the questions you have if you
are reading these pages. Just as we continue to stress;
there are many types of D/s relationships just as there
are many types of vanilla relationships.
Examining what you are looking for in a relationship,
before jumping into it, along with what you believe both
your roles should be will help you to have a fulfilling
relationship.
As you read these pages jot down notes, read carefully
and think about what you may want in a relationship.
Use your notes to determine if you are getting into the
relationship of your dreams, or a nightmare.
"From On-Line to Reality"
Most D/s relationships start as on-line relationship.
Someone posts an ad and receives e-mail responses, you
meet someone in a chat room, or you may meet that
special person on IRC. However your on-line
relationship starts, it can grow to the point where you
want to meet the person in real life. Crash and I are
one of the success stories of on-line to real life.
There are many more horror stories though than ones with
happy endings. How can you stack the deck in your favor
for a successful transition from on-line to real life?
The best information we can offer about going from an
on-line relationship to a reality based one is "be very
careful and don't get in a hurry". Most people we have
meet in the D/s lifestyle had previously lived in a
"vanilla" relationship, and in that past the couple
either grew apart or found out that when the new shine
wore off the relationship the other person was not who
they thought they were. In the beginning of a
relationship everyone wears their Sunday Best for the
other person to see. We get blinded and later find out
that little things become major peeves or the other
person changes as soon as you commit and they stop
trying like they did during the initial chase.
It is very easy for people to be someone else on-line
than who they really are in real life. It is easy to
shine and carry the glow into the first couple meetings.
One thing we always stress to both Dominants and
submissives is patience. Do not be in a rush to find a
relationship and move into real life. Take your time
and really get to know each other on-line as you build a
relationship before you take the step of moving it to
real time. You will never communicate as much or as
well as you do sitting at your keyboard. Use this time
to build a foundation that real time can grow strong on.
There is a real need for a submissive to feel the power
of a Dominant influence in their life. It is only when
a Dominant and submissive come together that they feel
complete. A submissive needs to serve if she is to feel
fulfilled. A Dominant needs to be served if he is to be
complete. When people are new to the life style they
want to know what it feels like to experience a scene.
It is the bite of the thorn that gives beauty to the
rose. The Dominant needs to be in control and the
submissive needs to feel the power of his control. Be
patient and make sure you know what you are getting into
and who the other person really is.
If you spend time getting to know someone on-line make
sure you can trust them. If they are single ask them
for their phone number. Many "single" guys are never
home or don't have a phone. I have heard submissives
accept that from Dominants and never question how they
could be on-line so much if they aren't home and don't
have a phone line. If the person has been in the
lifestyle for awhile they will know other people in the
lifestyle, either on-line or in real life. Ask them for
a friend's e-mail address or phone number. You would
vouch for a friend wouldn't you? If they have nothing
to hide their friends should be pleased to vouch for
their character too. Talk to them on the phone and see
if they are the same person as the one that has been
behind the keyboard.
There are many ways to check people out but the main
thing is to not be in a hurry. A good Master will be
very patient. He expects that from you as a submissive
and a good Master walks the path he leads you down.
If you are in an on-line relationship with a Dom and you
are planning to move it to real life there are a few
things you should do before you meet him for the first
time. TEST HIM. By this I mean intentionally test his
awareness of what is happening in your relationship, his
reactions and his concern for the relationship and your
needs. If he reacts or answers you with anger, or
belittles you, then you will see that he is not in
control of his emotions nor himself. If he cannot
control the growth of the relationship or his emotions
you should not trust him with your relationship or
emotions. If he responds in a positive way such as
wanting to discuss the issue or he immediately punishes
you in some way, then he is in control of himself and is
in control of the situation. Test him several times so
you can see how he reacts when he is frustrated. Expect
a real relationship with ups and downs in real life.
The D/s lifestyle is not a magic formula erasing the
down times in a relationship. The Dom should NEVER
loose control when frustrated by down times. I would go
so far as to say make sure you have some down times to
your on-line relationship to see his reaction before
meeting in real life.
A submissive wants a Dom who is in control but she does
NOT want a Dom who is controlling. He is in control of
her needs and wants because she respects him and trusts
him from the bottom of her heart to know what is good
for her and what is negative.
Start with an online relationship first. Don't be in a
hurry. Submissives seem to be in such a hurry to find a
Master and wear a collar.
After you have patient and you phone discussions have gone extremely well it is safe to meet for the first
time. Right? WRONG!!! Before setting up your first meeting there are some very important things you must do to insure your safety. Ask your potential partner for his full name, address, and place of work, It is time to make sure they are telling you the truth about who
they are. Making these three phone calls can give you assurance.
Call directory assistance in his area. Give directory
assistance the name and street address, and ask for the
phone number. Verify the number you have been given.
Don't worry if directory assistance gives you a message
stating that the number is unlisted or out of service,
You have at least verified that he lives at that
address.
Call his home. Be discreet about this one, especially
if he has a spouse or roomie who does'ít know what they
are into. If you are worried about a spouse having your
number off of caller ID, be sure to disable the system
on your phone. Try to call during the day when your
potential partner may be at work, so you will get the
answering machine. Do you recognize the voice? Do the
names you were given match? If you do get someone,
other than the person you are planning on meeting, donít
panic and hang up Ö just say "I'm sorry, I was trying to
call (name a business) Ö I must have dialed
incorrectly," then hang up.
Call his workplace. Doing this helps you verify his
full name as well as verifing where he works. There are
three ways to do this:
Ask to be connected to that person. When he answers
tell him why you called. A careful and safety conscious
Dominant will not be upset that you have done this. He
will be proud of your and probably happy to hear your
voice.
Ask for his voice mail. Some people not only give
their full name, but also the department they work in on
their voice mail. This is a very good way to verify
where he works and possibly get the bonus of the
department.
Has he told you that he travels around a bit in the
company? Does he work on a production floor and is hard
to get a hold of? Does he work in a hospital or other
job where phone calls are hard to accept? Ask to speak
to a Manager or Human Resources and tell them you are
so-and-so from a local bank. John Doe has applied for a
credit card, and you are calling to verify their
employment with this company. Are they an employee
there? And how long have they been employed there?
Thank the manager for their time, and hang up.
So far everything has checked out, but here is one thing
left to do before making any plans to meet in real life
with a him. Pick a safety person - someone who will
know exactly when and where you are holding your
meeting. This person can be a friend who knows about or
is in the D/s lifestyle or it can be a vanilla friend
who only knows you met someone online and you are going
to meet them. They don't have to know it is a D/s
relationship. Describe what you are wearing for the
evening, and where you were planning on meeting. Tell
them you will be calling them every two hours to "check
in", and let them know what time you plan to be home
from your "date."
Everyone should have a safety person, whether you are a
Dominant or a submissive, male or female!! Do not think
that just because you are a "Dom", you are safe and can
control the situation. Your safety MUST be your #1
concern!
Whomever you pick it has to be someone you trust. They
have to be willing to put aside time to be your safety.
Your safety person must understand the importance of
their role and must be willing to uphold their end of
the safety link. They are literally to be trusted with
your life. You must be sure that if you are in a
troublesome situation your safety person will not let
you down and will take necessary steps, including but
not limited to, picking you up or calling the police.
Your safety person will not only know where you are
going, and who you will be with, but will also hold
information about that person, in case of an emergency.
They should have full descriptions, full names,
addresses, phone numbers, etc. Include information that
you have picked up from conversations, no matter how
trivial it may seem. Here is an example of what to give
your safety person:
Name of Potential Partner: John Doe
Address: 123 Anystreet, Name of city, Name of State, Zip
Code
Telephone: (555) 555-1234
Workplace: XYZ Manufacturing Co.
Description: White male, 6í2", Blonde hair, blue eyes,
195 lbs. He has a tattoo of lightning bolts on his
left.
Other info from your online and phone conversations:
His wife's name is Jane, 2 kids - ages 10 and 12, German
Shepard named "King", He drives a white Honda Civic,
Graduated from Smithson University, just got back from
two week vacation to the Bahamas, likes to hike and go
camping, hates Mexican Food.
Arrange ahead of time to use certain words or phrases in
the event of an emergency. You may not be left alone
when you make your safety call. Saying "Hi, everything
is going great," is ok when things are going well Ö
saying "Everything is FABULOUS!" can mean "Help!!!" Try
to keep words and phrases simple so you can remember
them if you are stressed, and try not to make them sound
like a code words.
If you give a "help" signal, your safety should ask you
only yes or no questions regarding your safety. This
way, they can figure out what you need, and your
potential partner wonít catch on. Yes or No questions
would be:
Do you need me to pick you up?
Do you need me to call the police?
Has he hurt you in any way?
Has he threatened you?
Are you at ________ right now? ( the original meeting
place)
You can always explain the yes and no answers to him
after you get off the phone by telling him your friend
was asking you if he looked like described himself
before you met.
If you absolutely, positively cannot locate a safety
person, you can use your home phone answering machine.
Before leaving your home, write down all information
regarding your meeting including full name and address
of your potential partner and any other information you
may have regarding them, a full description of yourself
including what you are wearing for the evening, and
information about the meeting place. Leave this
information in you home in an easy to find place (on the
table, near the answering machine, etc.) as well as a
recent picture of yourself.
When you get to your meeting, call your answering
machine, leaving the message that you have arrived and
met with your date. DO NOT tell him you are speaking to
a machine! The trick is to make him think you are
talking to somebody else. Talk to the machine as you
would a friend and say that you have met with "John
Doe", that you are at the mall, and you will check back
in two hours.
When you make your two hour call, again, do not let on
that you are speaking to a machine. Say "Hi Joan, it's
me, Sarah. Itís 8 pm and Iím calling back as promised."
Chances are he won't be with you when you make the
call, but you never know. Let him continue to think
somebody is on the other end of the line.
If all goes well, after your meeting, and after you have
arrived home safely, simply erase the answering machine
messages.
If things go wrong, routine procedure for locating
missing persons include the police checking your work
and home phones and message machines for information
that may help them. Not only will they hear the
messages, but they will also have your written
descriptions, as well as a recent picture of you. Let
me stress that because this is all after the fact, this
is the LAST resort. Find a friend if at all possible.
When the time comes to meet someone, if you are in the
same town as the other person, or close enough to
travel, we always suggest meeting in a public place for
a "date". Meet at a mall and have lunch at a table in
the mall. You can quietly discuss D/s without drawing
attention and have the safety of others around.
If there is travel involved let the Dominant travel to
where you are. If they can't do that, regardless of the
reason, pass on the meeting until they can. You have
the gift and any Dominant that cares for you and the
meaning of your gift will find a way to come to your
gift. Even if he has to borrow a car, take a taxi, or
pay for a hotel to stay overnight in.
Do NOT meet him at the hotel if he gets a room in your
town. Keep the meeting public. Go for lunch or dinner
and see how he reacts going back to the hotel alone.
You have the rest of your life to enjoy the
relationship. Test it before jumping into it. DO NOT
meet at your house or let someone know where you live
until you get to know them well and your real life
relationship is established.
We gave you this information so you could make an
informed decision about how and when to make the change
from online to real life. We can not make you use this
information, that is up to you. Please think carefully
about how many crazy people are out there and can't wait
to make you their next victim. If you think we are to
paranoid.....go out on the web and see the many articles
from newspapers and police reports on the men and women
who "thought they knew this person". Please be careful
and don't let you emotions over ride your common sense.
Preparing For The D/s 24/7 Relationship
One of the biggest problems going into a relationship is
that we don't communicate clearly what we are expecting.
We hear something that is close to what we believe, and
then think the other person will change once they get to
know you. If your current relationship isn't all you
want, and you are counting on the other person changing,
(or growing to meet your needs), you should slow down,
and not make a commitment until you can discuss the
changes. If the person is able to make the changes, or
you are able to happily compromise, then move ahead in
your relationship.
The D/s relationship is a complicated relationship
because it is based on emotional and mental needs. The
sub will have a need to please the Dominant. In order
to ensure the need grows with the relationship, the sub
needs to select a Dominant based on respect,
truthfulness, and trust. The respect for the Dominant
will help nurture the need to please and help it to
grow. The truthfulness will nurture the trust in the
Dominant so it can grow. It is the trust that enables
the submissive to submit as a gift. The stronger the
sub is intellectually and willfully, the more honor is
brought to the gift.
The dominant is to also honor the submissive for
presenting the gift. Once the gift is accepted it is
the duty of the Dominant to further increase the value
of the gift by teaching and protecting the submissive.
This should come naturally because this is a
characteristic of a true Dominant.
The submissive continues to choose throughout the
relationship if she will present the gift to the
Dominant. The need to give the Dominant the gift is
equal to the need the submissive feels to honor and
please the Dominant. It is said that the submissive
controls the destination of the relationship, while the
Dominant chooses the path they will walk together
through the relationship.
The Dominant is not superior in the relationship for
choosing the path, and the submissive is not superior to
the Dominant because they hold the gift. Both the
Dominant and submissive are equal, yet different. It is
this fitting together that sets a D/s relationship apart
from any other type relationship. To find someone we
can fit with (without sanding and changing the edges)
takes patience and a willingness to rely on respect,
truth, and trust. Both the submissive and the Dominant
must respect themselves and each other. Both must be
truthful with themselves, what they are looking for in a
relationship, and with the other person. When thinking
about living a D/s 24/7 relationship they must both be
truthful with themselves and to see if the fit is right,
or if it's just close enough, and most of all with the
other person. Without the perfect fit, the relationship
will cool over time instead of growing as you walk the
path of your relationship.
With the perfect fit you are whole. The Dominant will
desire submission without demanding or expecting it.
Through the gift of submission the Dominant will
understand love as their desires are met. Through the
relationship the Dominant will test the level of
submission to understand the depth of the love.
If you are with someone today, ask yourself these three
questions:
Do I respect this person?
Does this person bring honor to themselves
and what they stand for?
Do I trust this person enough to turn myself
completely over to them?
Write these questions down along with your responses.
If you can say why you respect this person, what they do
to bring honor to themselves, and the relationship, and
why you trust them with your very life, you are ready
for a D/s 24/7 relationship. If you can't come up with
responses yet, then slow down before making the
commitment. Continue to read this section to find ideas
about who you are, and what you are seeking in a
relationship.
Children & The D/s Relationship
When talking about children in the D/s relationship it
needs to be clear that we are talking about the D/s
relationship, not the D/s scening. Children should not
be present during scenes any more than they are around
vanilla sex. If the children have grown up in the
relationship, questions will probably never be raised.
If you have entered into the D/s relationship with older
children they will probably notice that you act
differently in this relationship and may question as to
why you act differently than in the other relationships.
Children in the D/s relationship fall under the same
rules you have for being in public. Although some
believe differently about wearing the collar, for most
D/s couples the collar is not worn in public or to work.
The collar is a symbol of your submission and is NOT
your submission. The collar should be treated around
children the same as in your public life. Save it for
the scenes between you and your Master. Also, the
protocol and rituals will be between you and your
Master, not something that is put on public display.
This does not mean that you won't have the occasional
ìcode wordsî or signals that you can safely share in
public.
In a good D/s relationship both the Master and the slave
show signs of honor, loyalty, bravery, courtesy, and
devotion. It is obvious that there is an expectation
for the submissive to be loyal, courteous, and devoted
to her Dominant. This does not change because there are
children in the house. The relationship is also based
upon the loyalty, courtesy, and devotion of the Dominant
for the submissive. The Dominant must give the
submissive due respect, which means fundamental courtesy
of a human being. He is loyal to the relationship and
committed to the care and protection of her. Their
actions are a form of devotion to the union. D/s has
built into it a sense of mutual protectiveness and trust
that flows both directions. D/s relationships are built
upon respect and trust. Children of D/s or ìvanillaî
relationships would be lucky to witness this in a
relationship. They will take these values on to their
relationship when they leave home.
The submissive Mom should not hide her submission in
front of her children any more than she hides it around
'vanilla' visitors to the home. Your Master's likes and
dislikes are always considered primarily, and openly.
In the D/s relationship your children will witness you
getting up quickly to fill your Master's cup when empty,
answering the phone, serving dinner to Him, and any of
the other things He might wish for you to do for Him.
If your children did not witness you doing these things
in your other relationship they may ask you, 'What are
you, some kind of slave or something?' Although you may
think this is a great opening to discuss D/s with your
children, keep it simple and honest. (Remember those
sex education talks where you answer the question but
don't go into all the details.) Use this instead as an
opportunity to have your children reflect on what is
happening. Ask them, 'Is it wrong to please someone
when they do all they can to please you?' Let them know
that if Someone is doing all They can for you that you
will do whatever you can to make Him happy.
This may lead you to teaching them the next important
lesson, especially if they are teenage boys. They will
think about your new behavior and answer to the
question. They may test you to see how much you have
changed by giving you a command as they have seen Master
do. 'Get me something to drink!' Remember they are not
your Master and they just proved it because your Master
would not speak to you in that manner. Teach them that
being submissive does not mean you are a doormat. Look
at them and simply say, 'I know you're not talking to
me!' You will both get a laugh at their attempt at
mastery over you when Master is not around.
Children are not blind, nor are they stupid. They pick
up on the same signals others do regarding your
relationship. It is your job to demonstrate a few
things about D/s relationships. First, it is not a sign
of weakness to give to Another, no matter who it is, so
long as They deserve the respect they are given. Your
children will witness that giving creates joy and is not
something to scoff at. They will also see that a person
can be both submissive to Another, yet remain strong and
firm in disciplinary decisions in that same household.
Perhaps one day you will tell your children the total
truth of your relationship, but not until they have
learned the lessons behind it. They will pick up
information about D/s from books you have on your
bookshelf or through their natural curiosity while
stumbling across it on the web. (Be sure to monitor
there web presence until they are old enough to visit
some of the places you do. Many children know how to
follow the history of a browser to see where you have
been.) As they learn about D/s they will understand
clearly that while sex is involved, it is hardly the
reason for a D's Lifestyle choice.
Don't be afraid to show affection for each other in
front of your children. Remember YOU are their example
for a healthy relationship. Children are not born with
morals and manners, it is something they need to learn
from their parents. Their future relationship can be as
great as yours regardless if they ever learn about D/s
or if they choose to be content in a "vanilla"
relationship.
Levels of Submission
In the D/s lifestyle you will find there are as many
definitions for "submissive" and "slave" as there are
people to talk with. When a submissive says "I want to
be your submissive/slave", the words may have a
different meaning to the one hearing them than to the
one who uttered them. At one end there is the person
who only means I want to be tied up and whipped when
they want to be your submissive slave. At the other end
of the spectrum there are people who mean they want to
become your full-time servant. They only feel fulfilled
when they can exist solely for the Dominant's use,
pleasure, and convenience. Between the two definitions
you will find many gray shaded areas completing the
meaning of submissive / slave.
First you need to examine yourself and give the words
true meaning. Once you are sure what you are offering
you are ready to give the gift. When you speak of
becoming a submissive or slave to someone communicate
what that means. If you are the Dominant and hear that
someone wants to become your submissive or slave you owe
it to your relationship to know what they mean. Once
the words have meaning they will be a basis for the
Dominant to help the submissive grow.
As you read the definitions below see which is either
most like you, if you are submissive, or most like what
you are looking for if you are the Dominant. If your
relationship is to grow you must first compliment each
other and fit together at the most basic level of D/s.
You will probably find that you fit somewhere between
the following classifications. It is up to you to
communicate what the differences are. Remember that
inexperienced submissives are likely to fantasize their
submission to a greater degree than it actually is in
real life. If you are not the perfect match you should
discuss if you would like to both grow to the level of
Dominance / submission that will make the fit.
As you read these definitions remember there are no
right and no wrong answers. They are offered so you may
examine what you offer / want in a D/s relationship.
The non-submissive "kinky" lover:
This person is not into servitude or giving up control
to anyone. They only enjoy the pain and feelings of
helplessness, along with the heightened sexuality the
D/s scene brings to them. They control what happens by
setting strict limits to how far they will go and what
they will do. They are into it for the pleasure they
receive and not for the pleasure they give. If the
Dominant tries to take control during a scene the
submissive becomes turned off and will not play again.
They only feel "safe" when in control.
The role playing submissive but non-slave:
This person is normally found on-line. They will be
submissive to a Dominant but not give them total
control. They may be into humiliation and enjoy playing
roles like school teacher / student and "innocent"
girl/guy. They will dictate the scenes by telling the
Dominant what they enjoy. The Dominant will find they
normally have to "force" the submissive to do things,
but the submissive will never agree to servitude.
The role playing submissive / slave:
This person like to play "slave" and likes to feel
subservient. At times they like to feel "used" by the
Dominant they are playing with. At times they may even
serve the Dominant, but only on their own terms. The
"submissive" / "slave" is into fetishes, (dressing, foot
worship, etc.), but they make sure that when they tell
the Dominant what humiliates them they are secretly
excited by it. They will top from the bottom and
dictate the scenes most of the time.
The true submissive non-slave:
This type person really gives up control but it is
usually temporary and within agreed limits. The big
difference between this person and the ones mentioned
above is they negotiate the limits and do not dictate
them. This type person is usually turned on by
suspense, vulnerability, and enjoys giving up
responsibility. They do not gain satisfaction from
serving or being used by the Dominant. They don't
usually dictate the scene but sometimes will suggest
"general" things they would enjoy. They seek their
pleasure from giving up control rather than from
pleasing the Dominant.
The true submissive play slave:
This type person also really gives up control but it is
usually temporary and within agreed limits. They gain
satisfaction from serving and/or being used by the
Dominant during scenes. Normally they serve or are used
for erotic purposes and not for pain. If there is pain
in the scene they indirectly may derive pleasure from
being the object of the Dominant's sadism. This person
places very few requirements or restrictions on the
scenes.
The uncommitted short term but more than play slave:
This person really gives up control to the Dominant but
may have agreed upon limits. They want to serve and be
used by the Dominant. They enjoy this in both erotic
and non erotic services taking care of the Dominant's
wants and needs within their agreed terms. This person
will only play this slave role when they are in the
mood. Many times they will play the role for days at a
time, (the weekend only slave), but they retain their
freedom to quit at any time. This time is usually
agreed to ahead of time or falls within the limit due to
time constraints they can be together. You will find
this type person in short term and in long term
relationships with their "Master/Mistress". Regardless
of how long they are in the relationship the "slave" has
the final say when they will serve.
The part-time consensual real slave:
They will have an on-going relationship as Master/slave
and they think of themselves as the Dominants property
at all times. They want to obey and please the
Dominant in all aspects of their life. The Dominant
will usually rule their life to the point that they will
give them assignments, tell them what to wear, and how
to act. They devote most of their time to other
commitments, (job, friends, etc.), but the Dominant has
first pick of the slave's free time.
The full-time live in consensual slave:
This person regards themselves as existing solely for
the Dominant's pleasure and well being. They have very
few limits and requirements to the relationship. The
slave expects, (as they should), to be regarded as a
prized possession. Their day to day role is very
similar to the "vanilla" housewife, (regardless of their
gender), except that their role is consensual finding
their pleasure in performing "duties" for their
Dominant's pleasure and well being. Due to the total
power exchange where they give up much power over their
life, this type arrangement is usually entered into much
more carefully than traditional marriage. Normally
contracts are signed specifying what the slave's role
will be and what time period it will cover. The
contract may only be broken by the Dominant and may be
renewed when the agreed upon time limit expires. Over
time the contract may be replaced with the Ceremony of
Roses.
The consensual slave with no limits:
This is the type slave everyone wishes they could be and
every Dominant would like to have. This is common
fantasy, but probably doesn't exist in real life. There
are some who are quick to claim they are no-limit
slaves, but examining their lifestyle you will normally
find some limits due to previous experiences or personal
health, (prior injured limbs, joints, etc.). This type
slave will most likely be found only in fiction and
dreams. If you want to be in a 24/7 relationship be real
with your expectations.
As you have read the descriptions above you have
probably found that you fit somewhere between the
categories. Remember that no one category is better
than any other category. Be honest with yourself what
you can and want to offer in a D/s relationship, then
you can look for the person that will "fit" into your
perfect lifestyle.
Complete the following sentence:
I believe I am ____________________________ .
Now write a paragraph supporting your statement.
1. To what degree do you want to either be in control or
turn over control in your relationship?
2. In your relationship are you looking for erotic or
erotic / non erotic pleasures?
3. Do you find pleasure in having your needs met or do
you find pleasure in meeting someone else's needs and
wants?
4. Do you have hard limits on what you can do or soft
limits that you want to grow beyond?
5. Are you looking for a relationship solely in the
bedroom, anywhere in the house, only in public, or both
public and at home?
6. Are you looking for non committed experiences,
part-time commitment, or full-time commitments?
If you can not answer the above questions do not go onto
the next part. Be patient and examine yourself.
For the first week read it every morning when you get up
and every night when you go to bed. For the second week
read it once every day. For the next two weeks read the
paragraph once a week. Read the paragraph once a month
until you find the relationship you are looking.
You are responsible for the relationship you enter into.
D/s is consensual. If the fit is close today, make
sure you are both aware of what you are looking for as
the ideal relationship. Don't settle for less than your
ideal relationship. The gift you offer is too valuable.
Levels of Dominance
In the D/s lifestyle you will find there are as many
definitions for "Dominant" and "Master" as there are
people to talk with. When a Dominant says "I want to be
your Master", the words may have a different meaning to
the one hearing them than to the one who uttered them.
At one end there is the person who only means I want to
tie you up, whip you, have scenes and sex with you, when
they say they want to be your Master. At the other end
of the spectrum there are people who mean they want to
become your full-time Master, your protector, your
teacher. They only feel fullfilled when they can own
your heart and soul. Between the two definitions you
will find many gray shaded areas completing the meaning
of Dominant / Master.
Again you need to examine yourself and give the words
true meaning. Once you are sure what the Dominant
expects and offers to you, you will be ready to give the
gift. When you speak of becoming a Master to someone
communicate what that means. If you are the submissive
and hear that someone wants to become your Master you
owe it to your relationship to know what they mean.
Once the words have meaning they will be a basis for the
Dominant and the submissive to grow together.
As you read the definitions below see which is either
most like you, if you are the Dominant, or most like
what you are looking for in a Master if you are
submissive. If your relationship is to grow you must
first compliment each other and fit together at the most
basic level of D/s. You will probably find that you fit
somewhere between the following classifications. It is
up to you to communicate what the differences are.
Remember that the inexperienced Dominant is likely to
fantasize their ability to be a Master to a greater
degree than they can actually be in real life. If you
are not the perfect match you should discuss if you
would like to both grow to the level of Dominance /
submission that will make the fit.
As you read these definitions remember there are no
right and no wrong answers. They are offered so you may
examine what you want in a D/s relationship.
The non-Dominant "kinky" lover:
This person is not into power exchange and being in
control. They only enjoy the heightened sexuality the
D/s scene brings to them. They feel "safe" in the scene
if both the parties involved are having fun. The
normally won't try new things without first being told
by the submissive specific things they would enjoy.
Their pleasure is from the sexual activity and not from
spanking the submissive or being in control.
The role playing Dominant but not a Master:
This person is normally found on-line. They will be
Dominant and appear to be in control. They may be into
humiliation and enjoy playing roles. They will have the
submissive serve them, kneel, and act as they want the
submissive to act. They like to "train" new submissives
because they feel safe when their charge has little
knowledge about D/s. The Dominant will normally not
"force" the submissive to do things or request things
that will push the submissives limits. The only time
they push is to have cybersex. This type Dominant will
brag about the slaves they have had and the slaves they
have trained.
The role playing Dominant / Master:
This person like to play "Master" and likes to feel in
control. They will want to have the submissive wear
their collar before they have established a
relationship. Again, on their own terms, they will have
the submissive serve them and their needs. They don't
concentrate on the relationship or the submissive's
growth. They seldom give the submissive learning
exercises, and if they do, they normally give very
little feedback to the submissive when the assignment is
turned in. They will be in control most of the time but
not use the control for growth.
The true Dominant non-Master:
This type person controls the submissive, but it is
usually temporary and within agreed limits. The big
difference between this person and the ones mentioned
above is they know their power comes from the
submissive. This type person is usually turned on by
being served, both sexually and outside of scenes. They
do not gain satisfaction from forcing the submissive to
submit to their way. They usually dictate the scene
based on the agreed limits. Even though they seek their
pleasure from being in control, the submissive will find
it easy to top from the bottom.
The true Dominant play Master:
This type person also takes control but it is usually
temporary and within agreed limits. They gain
satisfaction from being served and serviced. Normally
they control the scenes and are into bondage and light
pain. They usually use a spanking device to the point
of pain, but do not go far enough to build up endorphins
in the submissive. If there is pain in the scene they
indirectly may derive pleasure from being in control and
causing the pain, not because of the feelings the
submissive may have. This person controls the
submissive, but not the scene. The scene will usually
end at the same level of intensity at which it started.
The Dominant but uncommitted short term Master:
This person dominates the relationship but may have
agreed upon limits. They want to be served by the
submissive. They enjoy this in both erotic and
non-erotic services by having the submissive take care
of their wants and needs within their agreed terms.
This person will only play the dominant role when they
are in the mood. Many times they will play the role for
days at a time, (the weekend only Master), but they
retain their freedom to quit at any time. This time is
usually agreed to ahead of time or falls within the
limit due to time contraints they can be together. You
will find this type person in short term and in long
term relationships with their "submissive/slave". They
normally have a good reason why they can't enter a full
time relationship and they control when they will be
Dominant. This type person will usually give the
submissive/slave assignments, but rarely questions them
if they are not completed and does not give feedback
once the assignment is complete.
The part-time real Master:
They will have an on-going relationship as Master/slave
and they think of the slave as their property at all
times. They want the slave to grow and distinguish
between the slaves wants and needs. The Master will
usually rule the submissive's life to the point that
they will give them assignments, tell them what to wear,
and how to act. They devote most of their time to other
commitments, (job, friends, etc.), but the slave has
first pick of the Master's free time. This type person
will use scenes to help the slave to grow. They know
how to control the pain experience so it never advances
faster than the endorphins are released into the slave.
They constantly watch the bodily changes of the slave
during scenes and will push the slave towards subspace.
The Master will control the time after scenes to take
care of the slave's needs.
The full-time live in Master:
This person regards themselves as the one who is in
control of the relationship and thinks of the slave's
well being. Limits in the relationship are considered
opportunities for growth and their slave has "duties" to
perform within the relationship. They regard the slave
as a prized possession and spend their time "polishing"
the slave through training. Their day to day role is
very similar to the "vanilla" husband, (regardless of
their gender), except that their role is keeper of the
relationship and well being of the slave. Due to the
total power exchange where they accept power over the
slave's life, (physical, emotional, and mental), this
type arrangement is usually entered into much more
carefully than traditional marriage. Normally contracts
are signed specifying what the slave's role will be and
what time period it will cover. This contract is
normally based on rules of D/s, their agreed upon terms,
and it will establish areas for growth. The contract
may only be broken by the Dominant and may be renewed
when the agreed upon time limit expires. Over time the
contract may be replaced with the Ceremony of Roses.
(See BDSM Symbols for more information.)
As you have read the descriptions above you have
probably found that you fit somewhere between the
categories. Remember that no one category is better than
any other category. Be honest with yourself what you
can and want to offer in a D/s relationship, then you
can look for the person that will "fit" into your
perfect lifestyle.
Complete the following sentence:
I believe I am ____________________________ .
Now write a paragraph supporting your statement.
To what degree do you want to be in control
of your relationship?
In your relationship are you looking for erotic
or both erotic / non-erotic pleasures?
Do you find pleasure in identifying areas where
you can help someone grow?
Will you devote the time it takes to teach another
to grow beyond their limits?
Are you looking for a relationship solely in the
bedroom,
anywhere in the house, only in public, or both public
and at home?
Are you looking for non-committed experiences,
part-time
commitment, or full-time commitments.
If you can not answer the above questions do not go onto
the next part. Be patient and examine yourself.
For the first week read it every morning when you get up
and every night when you go to bed. For the second week
read it once every day. For the next two weeks read the
paragraph once a week. Read the paragraph once a month
until you find the relationship you are looking.
You are responsible for the relationship you enter into.
D/s is consensual. If the fit is close today, make
sure you are both aware of what you are looking for as
the ideal relationship. Don't settle for less than your
ideal relationship.
Give and Take in a D/s Relationship
Just because you are in a D/s relationship doesn't mean
that the Dominant is right and the submissive has no
voice. Communication remains the key for a D/s
relationship to work. In a real life 24/7 Master-slave
relationship it will only work when the needs of both
the Master and the slave are being met. No matter how
long a Master has been in the lifestyle, or how many
people they have collared before, they are not
mindreaders. A great Master will expect their slaves to
tell them about any real needs which they have. When
the slave does so, they should know in their heart that
the Master will take what they say very seriously and
attempt to meet those needs. Since the Master has
accepted your gift of submission, your very being, it is
his duty to meet your needs. The Master is in charge
and will seperate your needs from your wants, but he can
only succeed if you, the slave, cooperate with him.
Although the D/s relationship is based on relating as
Master and slave, both partners must recognize that they
are real people. The success of your relationship is
based upon recognizing this reality. The hierarchy of
the relationship should be:
The slave's real needs must always come first
The Master's needs and wants come next
The slave's wants come last
The slave should clearly distinguish between her needs
and wants, and communicate that difference to her
Master. The Master will determine if the slave is right
or wrong in determining a need to actually be a need.
Communication between the two is of the utmost
importance when deciding between needs and wants.
The slave's happiness is as important as her Master's
happiness in the success of the Master-slave lifestyle.
In a power exchange relationship, based on the above
hierarchy, it is the responsibility of each person to
try their best to provide the other one happiness. The
Master should not forget though that one of a slave's
needs is to have some of their wants met as well. In a
great D/s relationship the slave knows that it pleases
the Master to grant some of the slave's wants. It is
the Master's choice as to which of these wants will be
fulfilled and when. How well the slave pleases her
Master will certainly affect his choice of what he
grants her. The slave attaining her happiness depends
as much upon her Master as upon the depth of her wants
and the manner in which she is pleasing her Master. One
can not out give the other if the relationship is to
remain balanced.
Forgivenss is essential in a D/s relationship. There is
no such thing as a perfect Master, nor can any slave be
expected to be a perfect slave. Although our
relationship is built on Dominance and submission, we
live and interact with the real world. At times, a
slave will have stressful situations arise in their
life. This stress will interfere with the slave
achieving the level of performance her Master desires.
It is a Master's goal to strengthen his slave and train
her so that she will be able to attain the level of
performance he wants. This will entail him knowing what
is effecting his slave and helping her to adjust to the
stressful stiuations. The Master will also be effected
by situations in the real world. The slave can best
help him at these times by trying to be all he expects
from her. The Master gains strength through the slave's
submission. Even though you will both make mistakes, if
you both remain committed to the same goal, you can
forgive each other for the imperfections that creep into
your relationship.
In a 24/7 real life D/s relationship the slave must
realize it is expected that you are a "real human being"
around your Master. Masters who expect their slave to
always "perform" and show "ritualized behavior" allow no
room for a slave expressing their real needs and inhibit
real development of the slave. It is essential for a
Master to fully understand his slave in order to be able
to truly Master her, and that it is only by assuring her
of her welfare that she can focus on being attentive and
submissive to him. This concept takes time to learn and
distinguishes the online wanna-be from the real life
relationships.
I firmly believe that with great power comes great
responsibility. The more responsibility the Master can
assume for his slave -- assuring her of his commitment
to her happiness and welfare as much as to a "safe and
sane" preservation and enhancement of his power over her
-- the more real power he will be able to exercise over
her.
Complete the following sentence:
I believe give and take benefits a D/s relationship
because _____________ .
My definition of a need is ____________________________
.
My definition of a want is ____________________________
.
List three instances in real life where the real world
creeps into the Master's ability to carry out his role
in the relationship. For each instance write a
paragraph how the slave can help him during these times.
List three instances in real life where the real world
creeps into the slave's ability to carry out her role in
the relationship. For each instance write a paragraph
how the Master can help her during these times.
Hopefully both you are your partner are reading through
this section by now. Pick a time when you can both sit
down together. Start with both of you taking turns
reading your answer aloud. Next explain why you
answered the question as you did. (There is no right or
wrong here. You are both "being human" and are entitled
to your beliefs and feelings.) Lastly, construct one
new answer that you both agree completes the assignment.
File your final answers away with your contract, (if you
have one), and re-read it together from time to time.
This is not set in concrete and you both can agree to
change an answer at any time. Working together you can
keep your relationship alive and ever growing. Growth
will keep you "out of the ruts" and committed to each
other.
Loving as a slave
These principles are ideals for a true slave in love
with her Master. A slave's love is not an overwhelming
blinding emotion, lust, or merely words that she mutters
to her Master. A slave's love is a feeling of happiness
and commitment that builds as the connection between
slave and Master grows through life. To live such a
meaningful, loving life you must learn to direct your
entire being, in thoughts, words, and deeds, towards
building these connections. The way you think will be
exposed to your Master by the way you talk to him and
act towards him.
These principles will help guide you in being truly
loving in the way a true slave should be towards her
Master.
How should you as a slave think about love in a D/s
relationship? As a Master, I speak from my relationship
and beliefs. These beliefs are to help you to examine
and find your own beliefs. Both the Master and slave
should read this page and complete their own work as
individuals. Once you have completed the assignment
come together as one to discuss your individual beliefs.
Together you can then list your beliefs that will help
you to build and strengthen your relationship. The most
important thing here is honesty. Work on your own being
open and honest with yourself. Do not complete this
assignment based on what you believe your partner wants
to hear. The growth comes through honesty and
communication.
Loving as a sub/slave
You express your love to your Master by the way you
submit to your Master.
Full submission shows true love for your Master and
respect for his wishes. In the vanilla lifestyle both
parties live as one through their compatibility. Their
happiness is based upon their partner enjoying what they
do. This lifestyle is easy to live when you are both in
agreement. The problem is that you can easily fall into
a rut and there is very little, if any, growth. As a
slave you experience the quality of your enslavement as
an expression of your Master's love, for you are his
slave. Your expression of love is not in just sharing
the elements of your relationship where you are
compatible, but in submitting to his wishes for his
fulfillment and your growth.
You must trust your Master and believe in him.
You know that life is at time impulsive. In your
Master's search to keep your relationship growing and
strong you can expect that at times you will be
disappointed or hurt. When you are disappointed or hurt
it is not intentional. These times are to be used for
communication and growth. You accept that this is part
of the test of your love and should respond in a
submissive manner.
You reveal your innermost self to your Master.
You realize that secrets only serve to separate you from
your Master. You have given all to your Master and you
are expected to continue doing so. Keeping things to
yourself is destructive to your growth and the
relationship. Your Master can not protect you or guide
you if you keep secrets. Be open and honest with your
Master at all times. Your relationship depends on it.
You are not ashamed of your dependence on your
Master.
You need to readily turn to your Master for things you
cannot, or are not allowed to, provide for yourself. It
is your duty as a slave to humbly tell your Master of
your physical and emotional needs so that he may take
care of you. The depth of your dependence is an
indication of the depth of your slavery. This is a
reflection of your love and devotion to your Master.
You seek to make yourself more desirable to your
Master.
Because of your love for your Master you will want to
work on your compliance and skills as a slave.
Perfecting such accomplishments is an offering of
yourself to your Master. Perfection is something that
is seldom obtained. The manner in which you work on
compliance and your skills is the gift to your Master,
not the perfection.
You place your Master's needs before all others.
You follow your Master's orders with true commitment.
Your Master should be first in your life above all
others. The manner in which you place your Master first
is your gift as a slave to your Master. Your Master
does not need to know when you are placing him first,
the fact that he comes first is felt in his heart.
You accept that some discomfort is part of your
lifestyle.
This is especially true in your dressing, body
decoration, training, and discipline. Usually these are
for your Master's benefit, and you are gratified when
you see his pleasure in their results. It is your
responsibility to dress as your Master wishes you to
dress, offer your body for decoration in accordance with
your contract to your Master, and quietly accept the
discipline your Master knows will please him and help
you to grow as a slave to him.
You and your Master are held together by an
important, shared bond.
Your Master knows that sometimes what he asks of you is
difficult, and yet he demands your compliance. Your
obedience is both a gift to him and an admission of your
helplessness before him. Your Master will enjoy both
aspects of this special bond. You understand and accept
this as well. Both of you know that you are bound
together by a special love. A love that is built on
deep respect and one that transcends the level of love a
vanilla couple may know or share.
You serve your Master's true needs.
You are even willing to risk your Master's displeasure
by going beyond what he has ordered, if it better serves
what he wishes. Sometimes you will be wrong, and you
will willingly suffer for your mistakes. Sometimes you
will be right, and you will glory in your Master's
praise. You understand that you Master desires you to
belong to him like a treasured possession -- and you are
pleased when your actions prove to him that you are.
You know you cannot show greater love to your Master
than by truly belonging to him as his slave.
Complete the following sentences:
(For Dominant) The one submissive act my slave does to
show her love for me is to ____________________________
.
(For submissive) The one submissive act I do to show my
love for my Master is to ____________________________ .
(For Dominant) I know my slave trusts and believes in
me because ____________________________ .
(For submissive) I show my Master that I trust and
believe in him by ____________________________ .
(For Dominant) One thing my slave has confided in me
that makes me believe she does not keep secrets from me
is ____________________________ .
(For submissive) One innermost thing I have confided to
my Master is ____________________________ .
(For Dominant) One thing my slave is can not or is not
allowed to do for herself is
____________________________ .
(For submissive) One thing I am dependent on my Master
for is ____________________________ .
(For Dominant) On way my slave shows her love for me is
by working on ____________________________ .
(For submissive) On way I show my love for my Master is
by working on ____________________________ .
(For Dominant) I know my slave puts me before others
because she ____________________________ .
(For submissive) I put my Master before others by
____________________________ .
(For Dominant) Although it is uncomfortable for my
slave, I know she it pleases her to please me by
____________________________ .
(For submissive) Although it is uncomfortable for me,
it pleases me to submit to my Master by
____________________________ .
(For Dominant) A bond my slave and I share is I know
she will submit when I ask her to
____________________________ .
(For submissive) A bond my Master and I share is I
always submit when he asks me to
____________________________ .
(For Dominant) The aspect of my slave's submission I
treasure most is ____________________________ .
(For submissive) I know one aspect of my submission
that my Master treasures most is
____________________________ .
Both the Master and slave should sit down separately to
complete the questions above. If you "save time" by
doing it together first you will only cheat yourself and
your relationship of your individual ideas. Next, pick
a time when you can both sit down together. Start with
both of you taking turns reading your answer aloud.
Explain why you answered the question as you did.
(There is no right or wrong here. You are both "being
human" and are entitled to your beliefs and feelings.)
Lastly, construct one new answer that you both agree
completes the assignment.
File your final answers away with you contract, (if you
have one), and re-read it together from time to time.
This is not set and concrete and you both can agree to
change an answer at any time. Working together you can
keep your relationship alive and ever growing.
Being a Worthy Master
This is the counterpart to the part "Loving as a
sub/slave". A Master must be worthy of the love he
receives and not expect it because he is the Master. A
slaves love and submission to her Master is a gift so
precious that the Master must never abuse it or take it
for granted. The Master must show control by balancing
the relationship, his slave's needs, and lastly his own
needs. If you keep this order in mind your relationship
will be strong and continue to grow. Never allow your
slave's actions or your own to harm your relationship.
Fulfill all your slave's needs so she is free to
concentrate on your needs and pleasures. Lastly, let
your needs and pleasures be known to your slave so she
can fulfill them. These guidelines will help guide you
in caring for your slave through your actions.
You express your love to your slave by fulfilling your
slave's basic needs.
The Worthy Master will take care of his slave's physical
and emotional needs. Physical needs include food, roof
over your heads, clothing, and any special needs due to
medical conditions. It is your duty to get the cold
medicines, see to it she has check-ups, buy her clothes
you want her to wear, and make sure that you eat to
remain healthy. Being responsible does not mean that
you make-up the diet or always do the shopping. It
means you guide her when necessary. As in any
relationship you will both decide who will do what based
on your likes and dislikes for tasks.
Your slaves emotional needs are even more important
and probably harder to fulfill.
You must control where and how your time is spent in the
relationship. Make time to listen to how your slave's
day went. Offer guidance when needed, but a shoulder to
vent on more often than not. Do not allow your slave to
run herself down or be negative about things in her
life. Polish her thoughts so she shines as the valuable
gift that she is. Always let your actions and words
show your slave that you have her best interest at
heart. Schedule time for her to vent, for her to grow,
for sceneing, and for romance.
Sort out the gray areas.
Your slave may love to write, play music, or be creative
in some other way. It is up to you as the Master to
understand that this creativity is your slave's very
being. Do not take this part of your slave's life away
if it doesn't interest you. You should encourage,
support, buy supplies, enroll them in classes, and help
to make this part of their life an area for continued
growth. This is a part of your slave's character, and
even if you don't share the "needs" here, it is a part
of what drew you to this person. Encouraging growth in
this area will ensure your slave serves your needs with
a smile on their face and in their heart. This part of
your slave's life is what keeps them from being a
doormat.
Free your slave to submit to you.
Being the Master in relationship means that you are in
control. If the slave does not act as you wish, it is
your fault. Being in control does not mean that you are
controlling, it means you accept the blame for not
making things happen. The slave is not punished for
doing wrong, they are trained to do right. When you
free your slave from doing wrong you free them find ways
to pleasure you. If your slave does something that does
not please you, let them know what you would rather have
them do. They were not wrong in trying, but you can be
wrong for not guiding them.
You reveal your innermost self to your slave.
Withholding your feelings are just as destructive to the
relationship as if your slave holds secrets in. You
must be open and honest in your relationship. You
expect your slave to serve you and give their all to
you. Help your slave to succeed. Let your slave know
your fantasies and fetishes. Help them to see what
these things mean to you and why they are important to
you. Your slave can not read your mind. If you can not
talk about these things your slave can not fulfill these
needs. Your relationship depends on your ability to be
open, honest, and to communicate.
Show your slave she can depend on you.
Your slave needs you to provide things they cannot, or
are not allowed to, provide for themselves. Think of
ways to show your slave that she can trust you to care
for her. Bind your slave so she is dependent on you to
feed her from your plate and drink from your glass. Let
her know as you feed her that you will take care of her
and her needs. Blindfold your slave and lead her around
the room or through the house. Let her know while you
lead her around that you will not let her stumble or
harm come to her. Run a warm bath, bind your slave,
and then bathe her. Afterwards dry her and take her to
bed. Bind her in your favorite way so she is
accessible, yet helpless. Very slowly concentrate on
stimulating her all over. This is not a time for
teasing, but one to slowly let her passion build. Let
her know that her pleasure comes from you.
Be consistent with your slave.
Routine does not have to mean being in a rut. Your
slave will find it comfortable to know that you are
consistent in the way you treat her. If you punish your
slave for not doing something one time and then let it
slide the next time, you are sending the message that
she can do as she wants. If you relinquish your control
to your slave she can not depend on you to be in control
when she needs it. Make sure your slave knows the rules
and then hold them to them. At times you will be tired
and it is easier to let things slide. By not doing so
you will show your slave that your relationship and her
are more important than your feelings.
Place your slave's needs before all others.
Your slave should be first in your life above all
others. This means that you hold your relationship and
your slave up as a mirror to all you do. If what you do
does not reflect well on your relationship and your
slave then you need to immediately quit doing it. The
manner in which you place your slave first is how you
prove the value of the gift she has bestowed on you.
Your slave does not need to know when you are placing
her first, the fact that she comes first is felt in her
heart.
You accept that being in control is part of your
lifestyle.
This is especially true in your dressing, body
decoration, training, and discipline. Make sure that
your relationship has guidelines so that you can remain
consistent and in control. If you do not have a
contract take the time to draw one up now. Go over the
contract with your slave and modify it where needed to
fulfill and meet both your needs. Print out the
contract and sign it. Keep it in a safe place and
review it from time to time. Renew the contract when it
expires. While you are at it, have your slave complete
a play list if they have not already done so. With a
play list and contract your job of being consistent and
in control will be much easier.
You and your slave are held together by an important,
shared bond.
Your slave knows that sometimes what you ask of her will
be difficult, and yet you will demand your slave's
compliance. Your slave's ability to be obedient and to
comply is both a gift to you and an admission of the
trust they have in you. This is a special bond between
a Master and slave. Both of you know that you are bound
together by a special love. A love that is built on
deep respect and one that transcends the level of love
that a vanilla couple may never know or share.
Complete the following sentences:
Some of my slave's basic physical needs are
____________________________ .
Some ways I can fulfill these physical needs are by
____________________________ .
Some of my slave's basic mental needs are
____________________________ .
Some ways I can fulfill these mental needs are by
____________________________ .
One way I do not allow my slave to be free to serve me
is by allowing ____________________________ .
In the future I will respond to this by
____________________________ .
One of my fantasies regarding a slave serving her Master
is ____________________________ .
I plan to show my slave that she can trust me by
____________________________ .
One thing I am not consistent with is
____________________________ .
In the future I will consistently respond to this by
____________________________ .
I put my slave before others by
____________________________ .
Being in control means ____________________________ .
A special bond my slave and I share is
____________________________ .
The above exercises are one of the few that the Master
and slave do not complete together. This exercise is to
be used as a planning session so the Master can reflect
on the signals he sends in the relationship. It can be
completed over and over during your relationship to
ensure that you are staying consistent and remaining in
control of your relationship. The slave does not have
to worry about being right or being wrong in a D/s
relationship. They are free to worry about pleasing
their Master when their Master steps up to the plate and
accepts the responsibility they must bear in the D/s
relationship.
File your final answers away with your contract, (if you
have one), and re-read it from time to time. If your
answers become stale it is time to complete the
sentences over again based on the growth of your
relationship.
©Reigen 2006
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