About 15 to 75 million adults, depending on the estimates, participate in heterosexual erotic activity that includes some form of female dominance, that is, a switch from the usually less assertive female role in heterosexual relationships. This erotic play-which some characterize as a form of role reversal, others as a form of using power-includes a variety of activities in which the woman is dominant and the man submissive.Of the men sampled for one study mentioned an erotic response to being bitten.

What causes a man to love a love-bite? What causes a guy to grow rock-hard at the thought of bowing to a woman's boot, the thought of licking her toe-tops? What causes an otherwise sane gentleman-a lawyer, a teacher, a husband, a father-to don pantyhose each weekend beneath his jeans? For these are some of the many activities in which a man may feel submissive. And, indeed, are these men sane-with their biting, bowing, toe sucking, and propensity towards ladies' lingerie?

Sex researchers have long considered such questions. No one knows why some palpitate over short guys or black guys or guys in uniform, or why some girls go gaga in candlelight or moonlight or under the neon flash of motel light, so, too, the erotic experts scratch their heads when contemplating the origins of male sexual submission

We do know three things about submissive gents, however

Most are aware of their submissive yearnings since youth.

In many cases, a specific childhood event apparently sparked this awareness.

This event (and/or the man's first adult experience with submission) forms the basis of his erotic yearnings, fantasies, and proclivities in later life.

Take Larry, for example. During a raucous tumble with Aunt B___, circa 1981, Larry was "captured" and tied up. Thus, confined and helpless, the boy (age 5) felt his first sexual stirrings. An excitement! A thrill! He didn't understand it then, of course. He only knew that when Aunt B___ unloosed him, he yearned to be roped again, the sooner the better! He, therefore, spent a goodly portion of his childhood pestering Aunt B___ to play Cowboys and Indians. And when Larry grew up, his sexual fantasies involved bondage; as an adult, he then sought a girlfriend who could knot him securely to the bed, in addition to offering him the companionship and romance expects from a love relationship.

Question: Did Aunt B___ "cause" Larry to become sexually submissive by tying him up back in 1981? Today's sex pundits think not. They posit instead a more likely explanation: the man destined for submission is awakened to his pre-existing leanings by a childhood incident. For instance, we all played Cowboys and Indians once upon a time long ago, yet very few harken back to the days of lassos and plastic holsters as the turning point in a sexual career.

Speaking of bondage, by the way, Ann Landers recently printed a letter from a woman whose spouse insisted on tying her with silk scarves. Ann labeled the husband "kinky," but then wrote in a subsequent column: "The mail on the subject (bondage) was mind-boggling. I had no idea so many people were tying each other up..."

Can all these people be crazy? Are submissive guys perverted? Sick? Dangerous? If your main man hints an interest in being spanked or in being mummified with Cling film, should you dial the nearest psychiatrist and then retreat to a state funded safe-house for women?

Actually, evidence and experts suggest that sexual submission is not such a bad thing. Quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. Even the great Havelock Ellis, writing in 1942, noted: "...much of this behavior is actually motivated by love..."

More recently, Lyn Cowan, author of Masochism: An Jungian View, states: "I have found in practice and in research that the masochist is not an inferior. In fact, the reverse seems to be the case. Masochists are more likely to be successful by social standards: professionally, sexually, emotionally, in marriage and out." (In psychological parlance, the terms "masochist" and "submissive" are generally considered interchangeable.

And one final quote from Roy F. Baumeister, Ph.D., professor of psychology and author of a book, "Masochism and the Self" Masochism produces an intense bond of intimacy between two people...it can be employed within a love relationship to add a new dimension of relating to your loved one."

Dominance? Submission? Forget your stereotypes and stop your shuddering. After all, we're not talking Ted Bundy here. Or Charlie Manson. We're not talking abuse, battering, or rape.

The erotic roles of dominance and submission are rooted instead to the most laudable of human pursuits: intimacy, love, success, and fun! So, ladies, the next time your man suggests that you take charge, don't run for the Rockies. Just square your shoulders, straighten your spine,and stare him eyeball to eyeball while you produce a pair of handcuffs from your hip pocket. Then, watch him smile, watch him melt, watch him make love to you more than ever.