Punishment
vs Discipline
It seems to Me that this well accepted and widely utilized part of O/our D/s lifestyle is frequently misunderstood and/or misapplied. I’m not certain how many Dominants take the time to know why They punish or discipline, much less the form in which it is applied. Yet, most of Us seem quite adept at doling it out.I’d like to take a moment to reflect upon these issues, in hopes that with greater understanding of them, the punishments/disciplines may prove to be both more reasonably employed and effective.
The first question, “why do Dominant’s punish/discipline?” is perhaps the most important. It will set the tone for the structure and type of punishment/discipline used. In this regard, I have two suggestions.
Never punish/discipline out of anger. Everyone is human, including submissives. And as humans, they are prone to making mistakes. Mistakes in actions and of judgment. So do Dominants. Punishment/discipline in anger is nothing short of abuse. If You’re angry, delay the punishment/ discipline. Set a time for later, when You’re clear, level headed and in control of Yourself and Your emotions. Always punish/discipline for the sole purpose of achieving personal and lifestyle growth for Your submissive. That is to say that punishment/discipline is not retribution for You as a Dominant. It is not Your pound of flesh. It is a lesson, a reminder, something to help Your submissive learn how to achieve their objective of enhancing their submission. Remember, they need Your help and guidance to achieve personal and lifestyle growth. Part of Your growth as a Dominant is to learn the self control that ensures Your punishment/discipline has a legitimate and noble purpose. “Getting even” is neither.
Y/you may have noticed that I have been referring to “punishment/ discipline”, rather than the more commonly used term of simply “punishment”. That’s because of the connotations attached to the term punishment, which is most frequently thought of as being physical in nature. A paddling, the strap, etc. I make a distinction between physical punishment and discipline, which would be non-physical in nature. An assignment, loss of privileges, or some other activity that teaches, creates self-control and promotes personal and lifestyle growth.Which is better, punishment or discipline? That depends on many factors. I know of submissives that despise writing with a passion and would rather take a paddling. I know of submissives that enjoy paddlings, and sometimes seek punishment for pleasure. I know of submissives that are creative, and for whom disciplines are an outlet for their creativity. There are Dominants and submissives alike that find physical punishment to be abuse. I think it all really depends upon being Y/yourself, finding what works for Y/you, and then seeking a similar philosophy in Y/your O/one.
Of the many questions that submissives ask prospective Masters/Mistresses, should be the manner and form in which They punish/discipline. It has to be known beforehand in order to be consensual. It has to be acceptable in order to be consensual.
Find the style of punishment/discipline that works for Y/you. Neither “punishment” or “discipline” is right or wrong. And there are an infinite number of possible combinations of the two. I say this because I think many Dominants lean towards punishments out of some misguided stereotype of how a Dominant should act. Similarly, many submissives accept punishments simply because they feel there is no other choice. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking rarely reflects the true desires of either O/one.
A critical element of both punishment and discipline is the way in which it is meted out. Again, find what works for both of Y/you in Y/your unique relationship. But submission is a delicate flower, and can be crushed with improper application of acceptable punishment or discipline. Here then, are several steps that I’ve found to be essential in the proper application of both punishment and discipline.
Discuss the reason for punishment/discipline. If a submissive does not understand what they did wrong, then there is no lesson being learned and its just abuse. Both should agree that punishment/discipline is warranted, or it’s not consensual. Reassure him/her that they are loved. That making mistakes is part of being human. Don’t let a submissive punish themself. That’s the job of a Dominant. Besides, many submissives may be far too unforgiving to themselves. They’re not Dominants, and not familiar with doling out punishment/discipline that is commensurate with the offense.
Find a way to ensure that the same mistake is not made again in the future. If Y/you can’t prevent it from happening again in the future, there’s no point in punishing/disciplining now.
Decide upon an appropriate punishment/discipline that is proportionate to the offense. I like to have My submissive participate in this phase as well. It’s amazing how inventive she can be. If she feels she is a full participant in the punishment/discipline process, she also feels more committed to rectifying any behavioral problems.
Reassure him/her that they are loved. That the punishment/discipline in no way lowers Your opinion of them. That You are simply fulfilling Your role and obligations as his/her Dominant. Give the punishment/ discipline. More reassurance. I suggest plenty of hugs and kisses to go along with it.
The matter is forgotten. Surely if the same offense occurs time and again, it needs to be discussed and perhaps a punishment/discipline chosen that will make a greater “impression”. But it’s dangerous to carry a “score card” around in Your head, recalling each and every offense as if it were some personal affront to Your Dominance.
Please note the emphasis upon reassurance. No submissive should feel as though they are walking around on eggshells, in fear of making a mistake. Mistakes are part of being human, and E/everyone should feel they have permission to be human.I think Y/you’ll find that these steps will be helpful in dealing with this sensitive and important part of O/our D/s lifestyle.
Rover«§»Copyright 2001